let me add that it's amusing NOW...as so many things are in hindsight...but at the time it was really stressful. almost terrifying.
see, i was in my mid 30's and an elder. i was born-in, from one of those families with a long, decorated history in the thing. i progressed really quickly in the org. by my mid-30's i was being used frequently at the district level, active in several commitees, and had a really easy-going relationship with all of the heavies in my area of the country that many others were intimidated by.
so, after i knew for a certainty that it was a cult, all made-up (like all of religion), and based on an old book that was myth and fable, seeded with references to historical events to provide an illusion of 'accuracy'...after all that, what kept me in was this: is leaving good for my 'career'?
see, i realized that i had come a long way in the org. JW men have no real access to secular success/prominence (if they truly buy into the cult...which i did), and the org knows this. so they create a career 'ladder' in the org to satiate that need for goal>progress>success. 'reaching out' is basically going after the promotion. becoming an elder or getting appointed for some position is basically like winning the award, getting the new house, getting the new car, getting a raise, etc.
i had done so much and 'achieved' so much in there at a young age...it was like, 'im throwing away my career!'. a lot of eyes on me. people who depend on me. people who know my name. time invested. sweat invested. at the very final hour, there were no thoughts of god or faith or anything else...just ME.
human after all.;)
i dare say that THIS is why many good men who have positions of prominence in that cult will never be able to walk away. i was fortunate that, on the side, i had been building a secular career (much to the consternation of some of the holy rollers) and that career gave me a measure of self-confidence, independent from Watchtower. i was lucky. most of those guys have NOTHING out there. no education, no good job, no prospects, no friends. nothing.
it's dripping with irony, but 'where else will they go?'
The amusing 'last hurdle' I had to overcome before I finally left the JW's....
by Unlearn 6 Replies latest jw friends
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Unlearn
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MaxTan
That's exactly what keeps many of us in. Years of wasted life. "Fear of man" - fear of losing face - in this case amongst the friends or family. Oh, the irony. I'm mentally done with the Watchtower. My wife and family still 110% fanatical witnesses. And I have to keep up appearances for the time being. Slowing down as much as I possibly can, of course... Not sure as of yet what the final price of walking out would be in my case.
I'm glad you're out, though!
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Giordano
Welcome Max this will be good place for you to get some hard earned wisdom on exiting and family. Unlearn you've been around for over 90 posts but welcome to you as well.
You've put your finger on the importance of 'reaching out'. Being a JW for a number of brothers is simply the only career they will have. It becomes a power trip. The higher up you go the more importance your given. I always disliked the term 'Bethel Heavy' or other expressions that denoted professional ass kissers.
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Unlearn
hang in there Max....
focus on your wife.
once i got my wife to mentally come around (it took a year), things got a lot easier.
and even when things got tight (and they did), i didn't mind blowing up my entire known life, if i had my girl with me.
it's less scary when you're back to back with someone you can trust.
and 'trust'...man, it's like gold in that process. -
Xanthippe
i didn't mind blowing up my entire known life, if i had my girl with me.
it's less scary when you're back to back with someone you can trust.
and 'trust'...man, it's like gold in that process.That is so lovely Unlearn. Wish you both all the best. Thanks for your honesty it will help a lot of people.
Max, hello and welcome.
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MaxTan
Thank you for the kind words Giordano and Unlearn, and hello everybody!
I have been lurking here for several years on and off, and I'm still studying and learning more every day. The people on this site are fantastic. I will make a proper introduction post some day.
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Vidiot
This phenomenon goes all the way up to the top.
Without the WTS, even the GB would have nothing.
They would be nothing.
In retrospect, I was luckier than most; I was never interestind in any kind of position, responsibility, or authority, so I didn't have as much to lose by fading.