wild n reckless exjws... how many do u know?

by losingit 7 Replies latest jw experiences

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  losingit

  Since my ex and I separated over a year ago, we have taken entirely different paths as ex jws. I have primary custody of the girls. I take them biking, to the park, hiking, and fir strolls in the neighborhood. For the times that theyre with him, I've gone dancing twice but have mainly gone to the beach and gone hiking along the river and by a nearby stream. Ive also taken the girls to museums and we even webt on a mini winter vacation. To be honest, none of this is out of the norm for me except that I have more time now to enjoy my life

  On the other hand, the ex has:stopped paying child support (sinceOctober) stopped seeing the girls (since February) , and has been living it up clubbing, at concerts, bars, steakhouses and other fancy restaurants. He's gone on trips to NYC and is just basically living like a man with no responsibilities. How do I know? A friend of mine found his fb page.

  When I met him, he was df'd and basically doing the same thibgs then that he's doing now. I'm just wondering: how typical is this behavior for a born in ex jw? I was a convert so I think the mentality of a convert is veryddifferent from a born in once they'reout of the cult. problem is, I'm basing this conclusion on just my experience. What say you? Do born in exjws lose their brains and sense of morality once they leave?
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  Band on the Run

  I did not. Well, the Witnesses would claim I did. I am the oldest child so I may be too responsible. School was intense so I had no time to do the things he is doing. It makes sense. Many holier than thou types go wild when they are first free.
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  crmsicl

  the mentality of a convert vs mentality of a born in?

  I think the exit process is different for different people. There are some fine people who were born in and don't behave recklessly. It sounds like your husband comes from the mold that is out for himself first and formost. He probably had more growing up to do and got married to soon. That happens a lot.
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  Londo111

  I'm a born-in and an ex-JW. My life is not much different, except I've fewer friends.
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  under the radar

  Well, he can be as wild and reckless as he wants to be but he still has to pay child support. It's the law. Please don't let him get away with not doing so. Take him to court and make him pay... including all the payments he's missed. If you can't afford a lawyer on your on, there are agencies that will help you for free. Do not let him shift his responsibilities onto you or the public. That would be rewarding his bad behavior.

  Best wishes as you learn to enjoy life free from slavery to the Watchtower. You go, girl!

  Radar
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  losingit
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  kaik

  I know some ex-JWs who went to wild run to taste all the forbidden fruit that was denied in the past: partying, multiple sex partners, expensive vacations, tattoos, smoking, etc. Others just did very fine and work on life goals like getting decent education, settle down with stable job, house with picket fence, pet, family, and hobbies. This was my path. I have never smoked in my life, and I am not much interested in partying, etc. Others go for faith shopping and changing churches, etc to achieve some kind of spiritual nirvana.
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  jws

  I know a few. One went positively psychotic. I remember him being a meek, quiet, nice guy. But after a marriage to a JW girl and divorce which I know he didn't want, he went psycho. He pumped up on steriods and was always looking for trouble and fights. He had a sick sense of humor. How much was always there and supressed and how much was caused by his divorce, I don't know.

  My leaving was in my early 20's. I don't think I really changed that much. But compared to some people, I may have been wild. Compared to others, I feel as though I was just part of the norm for my (wordly) peers in our early 20's.

  I was drinking and going to bars on a regular basis with my brother and a (worldly) high school friend for a few years while I (and my brother) were still JWs. Nothing wild really. Drink some beers, shoot some darts. Talk & BS. Heavy drinking sometimes, but that was on par for the crowd and the town. Wild for some JWs, tame for the rest of the world.

  I think some people rebel to do the things they couldn't. I had decided to do those things while I was still a JW. Had sex for the first time, tried pot, etc. Didn't go crazy, but did those things. Maybe because I was still in, I didn't go crazy with them.

  I think some people feel bad when they find out the JWs aren't the truth or when they lose their JW friends, they turn to drugs and/or alcohol to cope. For me, I think, I had never really liked being a JW. When I read Franz's book, it was the excuse I needed to leave. No real anger at being lied to. I think it was more of a relief that it wasn't true. And I had always cultivated worldly relationships, so I wasn't really at a loss for friends. I also faded, didn't get DFed. So technically I can still talk to my old JW friends.