by invisible 9 Replies latest jw friends
Any other past/post sufferers who can describe these symptoms related to within the JW upbringing and comparison to outside, any improvements or no?
Also anyone with any strange physical manifestations of 'strange' illnesses whilst a witness?
Plus mental states, then and now, and what do you aspire to, to enable future happiness?
Celtic Mark
<----- Here look, a bargain if ever I saw one, 2!!! Visions for just over a tenner!!
Well the result from the damage inflicted on me resulted in Agoraphobia and depression. I found the kh to be rather foreboding as a teen, but maybe this was because I was hiding my binge drinking and told no one what I was going thru. Unsympathetic too...when they did eventually find out, I was accused of sleeping with my bro-in-law and that was why I was drinking...from guilt! Little did they know...but I just kept my mouth shut and walked out for what I thought was good.
The agoraphobia got worse..everyone knew how dirty I was and what I'd done...till I combatted it...by becoming someone that EVERYONE looked at because I was DIFFERENT ON THE OUTSIDE - a Goth. Looking that way gave me the excuse to abuse anyone who looked at me sideways...I could blame HOW I looked for their piercing stares.
Go for some counselling...get some esteem...end up back with the jw's...what a cycle huh!
I struggle daily with not being good enough for Jehovah and still being a sinner...while my molester is lying six feet under...free until Jah revives him...as his death has paid for his sin. What about my death at age six. I know that HE hindered my development...the person I could have become!!!!! Oh how I lament that.
Face it, we've all felt not good enough...and inferiority complexes run rife in the jw's. After all you are taught to humble yerself by believeing EVERYONE is better than you...but that's a dangerous way to think.
Personality disorders run rife in all walks of life. A child's development and the way they perceive the world is influenced in their early childhood. Too many of us have been hurt.
We are all God's children....I just don't know if I've got the patience to wait for Him to act on my behalf. I don't even know if he will...I don't think I'd make a very good witness of His.
I think I got off the point.....sorry....
Depression and personality disorders....I've only seen evidence in myself...but then again....I'm pretty self-involved sometimes...
What is demophobia? But I've suffer with agorphobia for 20 yrs and been disabled by it for 10 yrs. The doctor I've finally found says that it a post tramatic stress syndrome from having been raised in a cult with whacko parents who used a militant type of discpline and control plus abuse. The doctor says that young minds can't endure the stress and it actually causes a chemical imbalance.
I've been on medication for 15 yrs. I find the brainwashing of the JWs takes years to be eradicated. I went to counseling for years. I'm finally starting to get better but it stinks that the JWs robbed so much from me.
Demophobia: Fear of crowds and crowded places.
It's not fear of doing demo's at the service meeting, although I have that!
Invisible,
It's interesting you mention this. Just the other day my JW husband and his sister were talking about brothers and sisters they knew that had "strange" illnesses, unexplainable illnesses. Thinking about it now I also remember a sister I knew that would constantly get sick and the doctors would tell her it was all in her head.
I remember someone on this forum mentioned this before, at the time I didn't give much thought to it but after I heard this conversation between my husband and his sister, it of course sparked my interest. When I heard them talking about it, I kept my mouth shut because I didn't and don't have much knowledge on it.
Do you know of some good websites where I might get some good info. regarding this matter?
TheStar, I don't know of any good web sites about this, but I think you probably remembered this thread:
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.asp?id=26947&site=3
I know they already have Gulf War Syndrome as a label - but what about Watchtower War Syndrome?!
Cool Matty, thanks a lot!
phew boy what a loaded question.
For years in the borg I suffered with a myriad of ailments - most stress-related. The doctors always asked whether I was living with a lot of stress and my answer was always no. I had gotten so used to the stress that to me it was normal. (Later I would do those stress tests and always scored double the highest scores)
Now I fully realize that many of my problems were the result of abuse previous to my family's involvement with the jws but.. after I left almost all of my physical ailments disappeared.
The list of pysical symptoms that left after I exited the org includes
- pinched nerve in my neck
- different types of infections
- vascular retinal migraines - that resulted in blindness in one eye for short periods of time
- gastointestinal problems
- back pain
- chronic fatigue syndrome
- weight loss - diagnosed as anorexic
Along with these physical problems I suffered for years with anxiety, depression, fears and phobias. I was suicidal most of the time at the end. Here too a lot of this was due to the previous abuse but even then a lot of that lifted after I left the org. I suspect too that a lot of these problems had to do with abuse from my then husband and the high performance demands placed on me because he was an elder. I was expected to be a constant role model to others, to help the sisters with their problems and hide my own difficulties. No one knew how unhappy I was - no one.
Being in the org I believed I was trapped. I felt like a scared animal in a cage with no way out. I was stuck in an abusive marriage and was told to be a better wife. I was stuck in an legalistic religion that stifled my thinking, feeling, behavior, creativity, intellegence and freedom. One day I was talking to someone (not a jw) and he said to me that not making a decision to leave the marriage was making a decision. I thought about that a lot. The whole concept of decision making opened the door to my cage. I went through it never to return although I did look back one time and fortunately turned and walked away forever.
From that time on I make my own decisions. I have learned to look inward at what is best for me - not what I think I should do or what my heart teels me - but deeper - what my gut tells me. It works for me.
Life still has its ups and downs for I am happy now. I went back to school and have a job I love. Life is so much better than the org ever taught me it could be. Accoeding to their teachings I should be depraved, and addict, diseased and miserable
The best revenge is to learn to live well.
A not-so-silent lamb
Aspire to inspire before you expire
(((Lady Lee)))
You've touched me with your story. How courageous and brave, I'm so glad you were able to find your way out from the "cage" or the prison, if you will, the JW religion creates for us in our minds.
I remember that prison myself. I remember feeling trapped like a caged animal.... I was so torn, wishing I had never learned of the truth[tm] because if I left it God would not approve of me and if I stayed I'd continue to lead a highly stressful and miserable life. I menioned in another post that reading everything I have on the internet was the key to opening the door and letting myself out of that prison.
You're story is very encouraging, I hope any lurkers here that are in similar abusive situations as you were will listen and know that there is a way out. Thank you for sharing.
Glad you are here TheStar
I believe that by sharing our stories we offer hope to those who have not yet started or are somewhere along the way.
I gain a lot by sharing as well. Seems I need the reminders of how far I come since leaving the borg. It is too easy to become complacent at our progress and believe that we have gone nowhere.
So thanks to all those who are also on the path to recovery
Now Mark where are you? Huh?
A not-so-silent lamb
Aspire to inspire before you expire
