I failed to be the perfect Jehovah's Witness.
You might say ironically in that failure to be a perfect JW, I triumphed.
I almost succeeded in seeing life as Us vs. Them.
Either/Or; black/white.
I took pride in my humility!
I bowed to the dictates of a faceless hierarchy claiming divine authority, claiming to be the mouthpiece of God.
These cunning men could simultaneously claim to be only human, fallible and yet--GUIDED by the Divine!
Especially ironic was this when they persisted in being wrong time after time!
Being wrong reinforced their claims of humanity!
A claim of eagerness replaced the virtue of accuracy.
The leaders were only courageous in their willingness to be seen as frauds, charlatans, dunderheads.
Always they were so SURE they were right while be wrong, wrong and wrong.
Watchtower leadership is deeply cynical.
A cynic is not merely one who reads bitter lessons from the past; he is one who is prematurely disappointed in the future.
Watchtower theology is always prematurely disappointed with man's future while elevating their own to mythical status.
A status of Moral Superiorty is heady stuff.
I caught a whiff of it, and I became intoxicated.
Absolute Certainty is the next best thing to actually knowing something and standing up for it.
But, as I said: I failed to be the perfect Jehovah's Witness.
In the New World Society you live in Hope without proof.
For a JW, happiness is merely a set of directions and instructions rather than a state of being.
You learn to take pride in your humilty.
How does that work?
You are in possession of perfect knowledge from imperfect men courageous at speaking FOR God and getting it wrong.
I must confess: I am glad that I failed.
This failure is my triumph.