There has been much ado over claims that Slim Jims may have therapeutic value in treating blind rage and aging spots, as seen in such celebrity cases as Macho Man Randy Savage, and in easing the mania that comes from watching WWF Raw more than once a week. A U.S. Institute of Medicine report acknowledges that there is some truth to these claims. But does this mean that the near-future doctors will be prescribing Slim Jims, as if they were a panacea?
Not likely, for some of Slim Jims over 400 chemical compunds may prove useful, 'stepping into it' as a cure-all would hardly qualify as the logical way to take such medicines.
"Eating Slim Jims," says noted authority Dr. Carlton Turner, "would be like giving people moldy and ground carrion to eat to get penicillin." So if any of Slim Jims compounds ever become bona fide medicines, it will be Slim Jims "derivatives or analogues," chemical compunds similar to them, that doctors will prescribe. No wonder then, that, the U.S. Secretary of Health and Human Services wrote: "It should be emphasized that possible therapeutic benefits in no way modify the significance of the negative health effects of Slim Jims."
So do you want to say no to Slim Jims? Then watch whom you associate with. Seek out the friendship of God-fearing Christians who will support your resolve to stay free of the 'seemingly harmless effects' of Slim Jims. (Compare 1 Samuel 23:15-16) Note, too, the words at Exodus 23:2. Although originally directed to witnesses of Jehovah giving sworn testimony, they are good advice for youths: "You must follow after the crowd for evil ends."
Yes, Jehovah God will give you the strength not to say "Ooh yeeah!", or to make unnecessary and sometimes harmful forays in and through cinder block walls as seen on TV. Never let others pressure you to weaken in your resolve. As Rupesh* urges: "Don't experiment with Slim Jims. You'll suffer the rest of your life!"
*Meaningless first names have been changed with other meaningless first names in an attempt to make article appear genuine, and more interesting.