A few people have asked Why dont the parents or children who are the victims go straight to the police.

by smiddy 3 Replies latest watchtower scandals

  • smiddy
    smiddy

    I will offer a couple of reasons hopefully many people can contribute more. Their are probably umpteen ( for want of a better word ) reasons why this is so .

    Lets be bloody honest about this , sex is the be all and end all of society , and has been since Adam gazed upon Eve. (if you can beleive that story )

    I am a male , so I cant speak for females , though I think we may have something in common.

    From my earliest memories that I can think of 4,5,6 years of age , or whatever I had erections , I had no Idea what was happening to me and eventually found a way to releive it....Did I tell my mom or my dad ? Of course not, I was ashamed and felt guilty , so you keep it to yourself.

    And every time it happens the more you feel guilty .But at the same time it is pleasureable , its a mixture of pleasure , releif , and guilt.

    So when somebody , a freind , family member , or even an acquaintance makes an advance at a vulnerable moment a child may/could succumb to their advances ...Then what follows guilt , shame ? regret ? Do I tell my parents ? Was it pleasureable to me ? Do I want anybody to know what I have done ? or what somebody has done to me ? Hell no. So they dont tell their mother or father .

    If the mother or father do get wind of it , they dont want anybody else knowing about it , so they keep it quiet , so as not to bring reproach on jehovahs name or the organisation .

    And the cycle goes on.

    smiddy

  • MissFit
    MissFit

    Smiddy, sure guilt and shame is part of it, but dont forget the fear factor and the enforced secrecy that cloaks the relationship between abuser and child.

    it is hard to explain but especially if the abuser cultivates a close relationship with the child or even the family, there is an instinct to protect him. The child's loyalty is divided because he is mistaking the abuse for a demostration of love.

    Abusers know how to push the right buttons and make it about them. How they are misunderstood or in my foster father's case: "influenced by demons".

    I remember part of the discussion I had with my sisters was what would happen to him?

    My foster mother was more worried about financial support if he was in jail. Also the stigma of him being known as an abuser.

    Us kids were worried about where we would end up.

    So what happened was the elders deleted him as an elder and publicly reproved him.

    He was allowed to stay in the home, but we . Were given strict instructions not to be alone with him.

    we still had to respect him as the head of the house, and take discipline from him. We were not allowed to talk about it to anyone or mention it to him.

    Sometimes adults really suck. And being a kid is being treated like a possession. ..no one asked us. We didnt even know we had options.

    A culture of secrecy.

  • DwainBowman
    DwainBowman

    Most of them are scared to. If it might bring reproche on the name, they always run to the elders first, and they in turn reinforce that fear, and warm them of what happens if they tell or even talk about it to anyone!

    Dwain

  • PhilJonesIII
    PhilJonesIII

    For a lot of people, child sexual abuse is pretty clear cut. You grab the culpret and let the law do its job.

    The psycology is not nearly as straightforward. My stepdaughter was made pregnant by her biological father. She was 12 at the time and living with him.

    He denied touching her, she denied anyone touching her. When the baby arrived a DNA test (actually quite a few tests) identified her father as the father of her child. He still denied it. She still denied anyone touching her.

    Eventually he admitted to having intercourse with his daughter. He did not get her drunk or drug her. His name is on the birth certificate, her calls the child his daughter and the girl-child calls him 'dad'. He now lives with his new partner and new child. The daughter lives with her new partner and second child in the same street. Everyone knows who did what to who and they seem perfectly happy with the situation.

    I write this to illustrate just how messy things can get even without interference for the 'god knows best' brigade. You are dealing with loyalties that are inviolate for some. The name on that birth-certificate is the closest you will ever get that girl to condemning her father. Its been 14 years since.

    Add the influence of a group of elders who can demand loyalty over parents/children and things get even more complicated. If you have not been there ( and I sincerely hope you never do ) then dont expect logic.

    BTW: My partner at the time suffered a breakdown and remains a violent problem-case alcoholic. Touch the child and you kill the parent.

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