by cognac 7 Replies latest jw friends
I feel bad for my kids that their father puts the congregation above them. It's so sad. He's so busy with all this congregation stuff that they have just about no relationship.
Go ahead, go out in service, then go to your meeting and then god knows what else on your day off. The kids are so used to it so I'm sure they won't even ask for you anyways.
What about me?? I'm a poor sexually repressed non-MS that my wife never should have married according to JC's bro, TOMO III!!!
One nice spring Saturday morning, I thought, " You know, despite all the cult bull shit, she is a good person. I do love her, even though we dont have a passionate relationship. Maybe I should extend the olive branch? We never snuggle in bed anymore and some of that is my fault."
So I got all snuggly, which was nice because I am a mammal, its what we do. Pretty soon the "olive branch" extended! LOL!!!! Long story, short (WINK!!!), she didnt have time for me. That was because she needed to go in field service for the 3rd time that week. Just like Mary in the bible, she chose the good portion I guess.
Its all good. the last time she wanted the olive branch, I faked a headache. I told her not to worry, we could always do that in the New World, which is right around the corner!!
DD [ I may need counseling ]
"Its all good. the last time she wanted the olive branch, I faked a headache. I told her not to worry, we could always do that in the New World, which is right around the corner!!"
That sucks. You know it's bad when the guy fakes a headache...
It is sad when the jw cannot see the damage to the relationships within thier own families, especially their children. My kids are grown now and out of the house. I guess I would say not quite half of their life was affected by jw-ism and dad being gone all the time. In those days there were still two meetings a week, his bs study, sat fs and naturally the sun meeting which is what? nearly 3-4 hours gone. Add work and daily life, chores, etc... and there is not much left over for family time or at least what my kids were used to when they had a dad that lived for them and what great fun we would have this weekend? it was quite a shock to all.
It was a hard fight but I never, ever let my kids near a kh and did all I could so he could not preach at them. It was a difficult time to say the least but much healing has been done in the years since.
I think my kids have come to forgive him but much damage was done and one day not long ago one of the kids said "it's not like we have a real relatiionship" in reference to dad. Sad. They love their dad but sadly he still does not see that he had anything to do with loss of relationship, I'm not even sure he realizes the kids feel that way. I'm sure the elders told him he was being a good example by all the meetings and so forth. Funny, because he had a relative that went to church everyday and had negative things to say about that!
As I said they love their dad and hope and pray he will one day leave the cult. They have become Christians who walk the walk and try to show him love above all else. I am proud of them, they have become fine human beings who care about their fellow man but allow free will and are not obnoxious about their faith. I couldn't ask for more, they are truly great kids.
I would write more but don't want to slip up and give anything away.
Hang in there Cognac, life will get better. Just gotta get throught his crappy part somehow.
in my thoughts,
carla
I always strive to maintain balance in my life. Unfortunately, I see some in the cong who are so preoccupied in doing everything they can for "the truth" to the extent that their lives are filled with stress, families are neglected, relationships are affected, etc. resulting in the quality of their lives deteriorating badly. I just look at them & shake my head, thankful that I have the sense NOT to be in their situation
Back when I was still "in" (but beginning to grasp the TATT), something happened quite suddenly that required me to start leaving my young kids at home with my long-inactive wife instead of taking them with me to the meetings. I went by myself.
Or, at least, I tried to.
Since, at the time, I still more-or-less believed, every time I did it I felt like I was abandoning my family to save my own sorry ass.
After only a couple weeks of barely being able to look at myself in the mirror without feeling shame, I simply couldn't do it, anymore.
I figured I'd rather die with my family than survive at their expense, so I made the decision to stay at home with them - i.e., made a deliberate choice to become inactive (made easier just then by, coincidentally, moving) - and just hoped (at the time) God would understand and cut us some slack.
x
Eventually, I'd been mentally and physically out long enough to not be afraid of investigating the TATT, found my way here (for a variety of reasons), and the rest is history.
Wow Vidiot. I know what you mean. I fully expected to be destroyed at Armageddon for choosing my family.
Cognac: i'm sorry you are going through such a hard time. I hope your husband realizes how important it is to build a relationship with his family.
oops. Double post.
