Reverse Disfellowshipping

by ctrwtf 9 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  ctrwtf

  I'm into the 7th year of a successful fade. When I'm at the market I still see some of my former "friends" trying to avoid eye contact. Although I'm not DF'd I may as well be in their eyes. That's okay with me, I've moved on from that. And I really don't want to talk to them either.

  What is hard is dealing with extended family. We live on opposite sides of the country so we don't see each other often, maybe every couple of years. My mother-in-law knows we are inactive and has tried to guilt my wife into going back. Thankfully, DW is never going back.

  So we're thinking of paying mom-in-law and sisters and brothers a visit and the funny thing is that none of us (wife, daughter and son) really want to go. Its cringeworthy to hear the "spiritual" talk. To be asked what's "wrong," after all something must be "wrong" if we're inactive. And maybe the hardest part is spending the money and making the effort to travel when its pretty obvious that there is no longer any real connection there.

  I am labeling this phenomenon Reverse Disfellowshipping. This occurs when it's so uncomfortable to be with friends or family that you ( the inactive or DF'd person) deliberately try to avoid any contact with them.

  Thanks again WT for yet another emotionally crippling side effect of your toxic religion.
• 

  DesirousOfChange

  Just send the family a Christmas Card and spend the money on a trip to Disneyworld.

  Doc
• 

  Honesty

  I agree wholeheartedly with DesirousOfChange.

  His idea leaves no loose ends hanging to catch on something unpleasant.
• 

  Giordano

  We put up with the faded witness thing for a number of decades (mom was 90 when she passed and my sister was 43).

  We visited a couple of times a year In our case our business allowed us to be in their area.

  We were glad to see one another but there was always a tension. The 800 pound gorilla (WT) was always in the room.

  They were so JW centric that it crepe into every conversation or observation.

  It would take half a day after we left for my wife and I to talk what felt like toxins out of our system.
• 

  wallsofjericho

  It would take half a day after we left for my wife and I to talk what felt like toxins out of our system.

  wow, what a great analogy. I can totally imagine that scenario and can see myself feeling exactly the same
• 

  ctrwtf

  @Honesty put into words one of our biggest concerns. Someone will have something to say about my daughter's hair style or my son's tattoo. (Celtic Cross)

  Maybe they'll be so offended that they'll drop a dime on us to the local Nazi's. Maybe it will be an all out shouting match. It is all those loose ends.
• 

  Balaamsass2

  "half a day to get the toxins out of your system"- great quote. The JW family drama IS a bit much.

  We have been trying to be a bit over the top happy and friendly whenever we run into JW family or locals. Saying we are doing FANTASTIC, we have been BLESSED and how are YOU and your FAMILY doing?? really seems to cause confusion and discomfort for hard core JWs. For those on the fence it gives them hope there is a great life outside the borg. They have been brainwashed that sadness and devil will grab anyone who leaves..a happy life is the best response to shunning.
• 

  kairos

  I may have to resort to this tactic as well.

  I have some relatives that are all bent out of shape, even to the point of no longer willing to visit me unless I assure them I won't be awkward.

  They require me to censor myself in my own home to accomodate their twisted "consciences".

  I'm getting to the point where I don't need any of them.

  They want to demonize me and I won't have any of it.
• 

  skeeter1

  I put up with that feeling of cringe and doom for 7 years. I finally blocked them from my e-mail and my personal Facebook page. I felt that they were judging me constantly. Rather, I know they were. My JW family live about 700 miles away, but their comments to me and to other extended family members showed their judgmental attitude. I cringe when they come to visit, or when I have to endure a weekend/week with them. What's funy is that my clinger-JW would invite the JW family down to visit her, but would then dump the JW family on me! The JW family members have disrespected me and my spouse too many times, for what would be normal decisions of any other house (having a dog, buying a new truck, allowing our kid to go to a friend's birthday). Thankfully, my non-JW brother-in-law, neice, and own brother reported back to me all their digs. It was clear that the JW relatives were just lurking on Facebook to see what our life was like, so they could judge. Oh, and the JW family is having Thanksgiving and asked me to come. I declined. I need a break from their pious judgement.
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  Phizzy

  It is the same the world over it seems, JW's are a right royal pain in the arse to be with. Whenever I have contact with my JWfamily I count the seconds until something JW Centric that they say gets on my tits, and I have to hold my tongue most times.

  I will not let blatant cultish silliness pass me by anymore, and often say something like " You know I cannot trust thatbelief" ( or "substance thereof").