Death and perspective

Separation of Powers

I realize today, at this moment in time, at this moment, this exact moment in my life the absolute futility of everything. I sit here, at this desk, in front of this screen, my head is spinning and my mind wanders through all those moments of interaction with someone who has just left this life. No, he wasn't a family member, he wasn't even a friend really, an acquaintance, a casual work related interaction. He was quirky. He was different. And, although I did not know him that well, I miss him and I will miss him. I do not pray for him, as I do not pray for myself. I mourn him in my heart and with my words, and that is all that I can do. He is a reminder of how our lives are precious and of how distinct we are in our interaction with everyone and everything. This has helped me to again see the reality of this life, how precious, how wonderful, how tenuous....Rest in Peace and know for all eternity that you have left a mark, however faint, however minute, on the lives of so many.

To my fellow readers and posters, live for today....cherish each moment....define this existence by your compassion and kindness....

Theredeemer

This would be an awesome eulogy!

Nickolas

Just passing through. Your post is the first encountered. Interesting contradiction.

Do you believe by virtue of our lives on this planet we leave an infinitely indelible mark at the same time you perceive the absolute futility of everything? Have you only just begun, I wonder? The epiphanies about life, I mean? There are greater ones to come.

I can't tell from your post. Are you a Christian? I nearly interposed the adverb "still" but stopped short. Maybe you are and have neither desire nor intention to change that aspect of your life. Might be best. There is hope in Christianity. Once you truly perceive fully the futility of life, your own life in particular, you may prefer you hadn't. Or it may liberate you. Or both.

I'm guessing you're in the closet. On the outside a Jehovah's Witness, on the inside someone who expresses his truer self in an anonymous forum. Living with duplicity is more difficult than one might think. It has a way of eating away at your sense of integrity.

Seems to me a few years ago your intelligence got offended. What you were being told was true didn't add up. So, you opened the door just a crack and peered through onto new perspectives for the first time and you have then taken time and deliberation to interpret what you saw, what you are seeing. You are understanding. The first time takes the longest. Much like the process of digestion. You opened the door a crack and you saw something enormous and complex. At some point, perhaps you have already been there, your eyes widen with greater understanding and you will reflexively open the door wider.

Separation of Powers

@ The redeemer- I hope he will be eulogized by someone who knew him much better than I

@ Nickolas

Thank you for a thought provoking post....your inference in several areas is quite astute. Futility of life and the indelible marks that we leave on others are not mutually exclusive. We are, by are very being, symbiotic...and although we may feel that we are alone and impermeable, our shared experience leaves upon us the marks of others, some more noticeable than others. Like walking across a subway platform with white shoes....you are bound to see some scuffing.

I have experienced many epiphanies in life, some more striking than others, but today, considering the tragic loss of this young man and the impact that it will have on those that truly knew and cared for him in a deeper way than I had the chance to, the realization of the futility of everything is quite impactful. I sit here wondering why I am sitting here wondering. Why do I come to this board? Truly, why do I even care about this "subject" of Jehovah's Witnesses and the foolishness that is this religion? And the effect that it has on everyone here? Why? It is futile to even care about such things as the precarious nature of this life shakes me to my core and I reflect on the waste of effort it all amounts to. That, Nickolas, is an epiphany beyond measure as I realize that I have posted on this site for several months, I have expressed my dismay and anger, my desilusion and contempt. I recognize now, that it only serves, for me, a regurgitation of what I have come to despise, and therefore, quite futile indeed.

As for my belief, I no longer cling to the idea of Christianity as it has been packaged in bubble wrap and sold to the masses, JW's included. It is a visage that serves to distort the principles so aptly defined by the man Jesus or, better still, the legend of the man Jesus. I hold only to that which brings me peace...that internal voice that beckons to be heard.

As for the closet, it confines me no longer.

As for the offense against my intelligence, I can only say that I know not everything, but what I do know....I know.

ctrwtf

I recently read "All the light we cannot see." By Anthony Doerr. Lovely read. A sighted man describing what life is like from the perspective of a blind little girl. The summation is that life is fleeting and precious. It really doesn't matter what your "denomination" is. It doesn't matter what your belief in the afterlife is.

What matters is your connection to those around you now. What matters is your appreciation for the life you've been given. I resent people who try to attach a doctrine to someone else's viewpoint on this most precious gift, one that is unique to themselves.

I would take exception to your feeling that all is futile. With every breath we take, we move our existence and that of succeeding generations forward. Our experience, thoughts and viewpoints mold future generations to what humanity can hopefully become. Your thoughtful eulogy to the friend you've lost is a testament to the power of human kindness. My best to you at this most difficult time.....

Shanagirl

SoP, your words make me think of a song that was popular in 1969 by Peggy Lee "Is That All There Is?"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LCRZZC-DH7M&feature=youtube_gdata

Shana

prologos

That "--bring in the clown" song had a minor, negative key to it, and knowing that life's journey through time has to end. makes it an UP beat experience, all the way-- for me.

Like the glorious national anthems, and the love songs.

Phizzy

For something to be futile, a lot of effort has to be put in with no result.

If we lead a life of compassion and kindness, cherishing each moment, as you urge us to do, it is not futile.

Death and perspective

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