It's easy to forget

by ballistic 6 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  ballistic

  I was brought up in the truth from a very young age. I became indoctrinated by age 5 and the truth shaped my life. Every decision I made revolved around being a witness; this in fact I found the hardest part about being a witness was living it to the full and truly being no part of the world. I took the truth very seriously. I pioneered and planned to volunteer for bethel.

  And when I think back, I forget already what it was actually like to be one. And I am amazed at how I could have been so wrong. There is a small amount of consolation because I was brought up in it from a young age that this some how shifts the blame.

  But I would really like to hear from those who were preached to and joined in later life. I just wonder if the anger that I have been through and the feeling of having been duped is even worse in your case. I would really like to know how it is to take up the truth and then be snatched out again? How do you feel about "the truth" now?
• 

  obiwan

  I feel your pain as well,I was (born) into the (truth) and constantly had it force fed.To be DF'D at 21 and no one no where to go,I really
  and truly amazed that I did'nt commit suicide or have a nervous breakdown.I still have not fully healedfrom this experience.

  WOW It's a wide open world,use your
  own thoughts.
• 

  Nathan Natas

  Welcome, Obi-wan!

  My mom accpted the WTS version of reality when I was 7 and I stuck around for about 20 years. That was about 25 years ago.

  One of the contributing reasons for my disassocoation more than 25 years ago was that I came to know of a child molester in our congregation. The elders did nothing when they learned that he would take his gaggle of yound male "bible studies" on camping trips with him where things happened that the told them not to talk about. He would show up at the Sunday meetings always fashionably late with his crew of six or more young boys - like 8 years old - in tow, and go directly to the front seats of the Kingdom Hall where he would gesture for the boys to seat themselves. Yes, he was fine. He eventually met a sister in another congregation and they wed.

  oh - did I mention that she had two small children from her first marriage, or that the elders didn't tell her what kind of garbage she was marrying?
• 

  ballistic

  It took me being disfellowshipped to see the error of my ways. Ironically, the elder who summed up my disfellowshipping said it was their way of "snatching me from the fire". If only they knew how true that was.
• 

  termite 35

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  Hi Ballistic;I am one of those who was preached to in later life...I was 20 with 1 child and another on the way-living with and happy with my boyfriend.Unfortunately suffered from postnatal depression as many mothers do, but that's when they 'pounced'I was never bapsised; but guilt of not 'progressing' to baptism kept me hanging on in there for 10+ years.Throughout all that time I brought up my children to believe the crap they taught me and suceeded in upsetting the whole balance of my relationships with my partner; my mother; my friends;and my family.I guess I felt anger when I found out about the un situation,and anger when all my husbands friends would make my life a living hell,but now I feel sad; sad that I wasted so much time; sad that I hurt my family;and sad that I now have to spend so much time rebuilding the parts of my life I unknowingly nearly ruined.I am lucky in that my friends never left me, neither did my husband or family-but it came close a few times- now they tell me they were waiting for the old me to come back-i'm so glad they did.I went to a housewarming party tonight and who was there but the woman I studied with and her hubby !They are both still jw's and the last time I saw her we had our one and only 'row' about child abuse and the un sit..I was so proud of my husband..he and I spoke to them in a really friendly way- had a few drinks and had a bloody good time-my feelings?I just wished they wer'nt jw's as they'll never knowingly put themselves in our path again- but how sad when we get on so well and had such a laugh together with all the other heathens there!I HATE that part of my life now-and do still feel a little anger-but I guess we're all vunerable sometimes and we should'nt condem ourselves for something we chose in a different stage of our lives.I just hope my children don't feel about me as perhaps you feel about your parents...I was only doing what I thought to be right at the time...and we all make mistakes.I hope that it's made me an even more tolerant person,less quick to judge and certainly tonight I can say I honestly love everyone at the hall who was good to me-but I just have to let them go.The ones who were bastards can go to hell and they know I won't hold back if I meet them,but they stay out of my way!As for the 'truth'?The truth is for people who cannot handle the ugly reality of life,we were cowards,insecure and childish,unable to deal with the weightier subjects of life...I feel angry at times for the injustice I suffered; but basically relieved that it's all over and I got out in one piece.I guess I do feel duped-but that was,nt the fault of my study conductor; or your parents; they probably still don't know the faults in the society-how can you check a society like that?We're jusy really nice people who wanted the world to be a good place to be...don't be angry, take it as proof that you care about the big questions!! xxx
  When are we going for that drink??!!
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  termite 35

  sorry about the weird first part of that post; I had to copy it and it went a bit weird!I am also pissed, so that dos'nt heelp either!
• 

  ballistic

  I certainly don't want people to think I blame my mother. It's just that when I've posted about similar topics before (eg I posted: does being so wrong about religion make you question other things in your life?) - people have answered saying "yes - but it's not your fault, you were brought up in it". I was thinking that's all very well if you WERE, in fact, brought up in 'it', but what of those who weren't?
  I must say I am over most of the anger, although somethings I say on this board obviously show otherwise. People keep saying to me they can feel my anger even though I don't feel angry any more. Perhaps it's my User name ballistic! (it's actually my real nick name and nothing to do with JWD).
  Your point about wasted time as a JW - yes that hurts. God knows if I ever did any good in those 1000s of pioneer hours I put in. Thinking about it makes me cringe. The dubs constantly parade their yearly reports of so many millions of hours spent in preaching every month and yet I don't know if they realise the effect this has on people. Surely, even the dubs when looking at those massive amounts of hours and seeing the in-flow of numbers into the org stagnating and numbers of members even dropping in some countries, must be sickeded by such a waste. I dont think I will ever get over this aspect of it. I just have to try and think of some good I got out of it, and remember that some people on this very board made it to old age in the society before seeing the light.
  Yes, definately up for a drink - I don't need much encouragement!