“His three boats stove around him, and oars and men both whirling in the eddies; one captain, seizing the line-knife from his broken prow, had dashed at the whale, as an Arkansas duellist at his foe, blindly seeking with a six inch blade to reach the fathom-deep life of the whale. That captain was Ahab. And then it was, that suddenly sweeping his sickle-shaped lower jaw beneath him, Moby Dick had reaped away Ahab's leg, as a mower a blade of grass in the field. No turbaned Turk, no hired Venetian or Malay, could have smote him with more seeming malice. Small reason was there to doubt, then, that ever since that almost fatal encounter, Ahab had cherished a wild vindictiveness against the whale, all the more fell for that in his frantic morbidness he at last came to identify with him, not only all his bodily woes, but all his intellectual and spiritual exasperations. The White Whale swam before him as the monomaniac incarnation of all those malicious agencies which some deep men feel eating in them, till they are left living on with half a heart and half a lung. That intangible malignity which has been from the beginning; to whose dominion even the modern Christians ascribe one-half of the worlds; which the ancient Ophites of the east reverenced in their statue devil; - Ahab did not fall down and worship it like them; but deliriously transferring its idea to the abhorred white whale, he pitted himself, all mutilated, against it. All that most maddens and torments; all that stirs up the lees of things; all truth with malice in it; all that cracks the sinews and cakes the brain; all the subtle demonisms of life and thought; all evil, to crazy Ahab, were visibly personified, and made practically assailable in Moby Dick. He piled upon the whale's white hump the sum of all the general rage and hate felt by his whole race from Adam down; and then, as if his chest had been a mortar, he burst his hot heart's shell upon it.” – Moby Dick
A Visit From a True Friend
A friend of mine had stopped by to give me a visit. She and I go back to days of early childhood; 10 years of age the both of us were when we first met. She has been the closest friend I’ve had, next to my wife.
My wife is a friend in the aspects of bias. She will always back me up, supports what I do. She trusts my decisions and let’s me do my thing. But this friend of mine from childhood, she is more of the I’m-not-going-to-be-biased-and-tickle-your-ears type of friend. A very educated person, and will speak her point of view. I both respect and admire her for who she is, and the wisdom that she possesses.
We sat down, eating some good ol’ suburban bar-b-Q this evening. Recollecting our experiences we shared the past 20 years together, entertaining my wife with the stories and such. Before my wife and I married, this friend and I had traveled around the globe together. We have never been “romantically” linked in our friendship, which is something we both pride ourselves on, it’s a brother and sister type relationship we have. This is a person who “knows” me.
So, as the evening passed, it came my time to share my current pursuits and endeavors. I shared my visits to this board, and gave her my current position as to what I think and how I feel about the WBTS. She was never a JW, but is very aware of my history and break away from the cult. Yet, after telling her how I feel about it at the present time, something happened that put myself in check.
After my “point of view” discussion had ended (which I will generally describe as what I’ve typed on this board), my friend sat there with tears in her eyes. Just motionless, looking at me with a pale white face. Her look was stoic in a way. For the first time in 20 years, I couldn’t tell what she was thinking or feeling. After an awkward moment of silence, those tears were not of empathy or sympathy, but tears of disappointment. And did she let me know about it.
For the past 10 years, I have always had a point of view that all humanity is equal. I have fought, debated, educated, lived, breathed, and ate this. I have also in my educational realm, been objective and fair. I have a voice of dissent when it comes to bigotry and hate. I’ve stood by the values of “freedom of speech”, and the respect of those who belong to faiths despite what religion they are in. This doesn’t go to say that I condone extremists who murder in the name of religion, but I do respect people and their beliefs of this globe. Should such a group practice harmful actions against humanity, I draw the line there. But I’m not going to give in to hate. I’ll be angry, and let such groups know about it. Thanks to my friend, she handed me a mirror, and let me know I’ve strayed from what I believe in.
Boy, do I owe the world an apology.
See, this past winter I let my anger get the best of me. I looked at my experience as a JW child and the unjust treatment from the WBTS, and my anger had turned to hate. So much so, within this aspect of experience in my life, I’ve lost total objectivity to this situation. And loosing this in one area, can in effect, allow others to question my arguments in other aspects of life.
This doesn’t mean that I should dismiss the wrong that WBTS has done to me, or others, but it doesn’t give me personally the allowance to seek vengeance upon them. No, I’m not going to turn myself in to a monster, which gives the WBTS victory. After breaking free, and become what I despise? Waste all that effort to clear my mind of all doubt that which is a lie? To overcome with only personal effort, to be one of the few to liberate one’s mind, only to be obsessed with the destruction of the WBTS? No thanks.
I make the decision to do otherwise. I will still come to this board and post, to show my support for those struggling and wish to break free from WBTS. I will do my best to channel what anger those around may have. I am not going to dismiss anyone’s anger at the WBTS, nor counsel them to change their personal view. I’m just going to go back to who I really am, objective and fair, respect the right of one’s belief and practice in it…even though I greatly disagree with such a belief. If there are those who want out, then I’ll do what I can to aid in that area. But I do understand and empathize with those angry, for I too am angry. I just won’t let it turn in to hate. But, that’s for me.
As to the issue of my family? 2 out of my 3 sisters left. The MS who “studied” with me at age 12, he and his wife left. I shared an objective view with these people; they listened and made their own decisions. My mom, poor lady, made her decision. She rather let the opinions of 12 faceless men dictate her relationship with her own family. Nothing I can do to change her point of view. She’s either going to accept me for who I am and accept what I believe in, or she will follow her faith and do otherwise. Should she choose not to talk to me? Her loss.
So in closing: I say GOODBYE ye old Watchtower Bible and Tract Society. There are those jumping your ship, and I’ll be the one of MANY helping them on to life raft should THEY seek it.
Besides….
::smirk::
It looks like your sinking your own ship anyway.
D8TA v2.0