wow.....thanks for the warm welcome.... i was just thinking what an interesting journey that it's been since june of last year, when i was DFd for the second time.
some of you wanted to hear my "story"...well, was raised in the truth...elder, pioneer (wanted those SPECIAL blessings, ya know) cir ass. parts, the whole thing..
left my wife of 27 years, and made the long trek back to reinstatement after 18 months of humiliating abuse by the most DYSfunctional group of "spiritual men" (yeah, right) that i have ever seen. finally came back, crawling on my knees(i was "humbled", don't you know)...well, without getting into details, "sinned" then "confessed" and was promptly DFd again...
the scariest part at first, of being DFd, was "being out there" without jehovah's protection....all alone...no one to support me in my spiritual recovery....subject to demonic attack.....Jehovah withholding his protection and blessings.....sheeeesh, that's enogh to scare the hell out of anyone!!! LOL
i was taught that it was impossible to have a relationship with the Creator, unless you were actively a part of the org....i thought...everything that i do is doomed...subject to failure...why even bother...i'm gonna be destroyed at the big "A" anyway...hell, i might as well end it all right now......LOL
but, in time, i came to realize that :
1) there IS life after the organization, and DFing
2) the WTB&TS does not corner the market OR hold a franchise on "spirituality"
3) there ARE spiritual people out there that are not JWs..
4) that i could have a relationship with god if i chose to
5) that His love is UNconditional, contrary to what we were taught.
i didn't realize how isolated that i was , eevn while in the org....i was part of ONE community...and had maybe one or two friends...now, i am part of several communities....and i havve many, many friends (yes, in the "world") that love and support me...God, i am so thankful for them after i was "handed over to Satan"....my true friends were there for me.....
i have come to the conclusion that the "truth" is for each of us to decide.. we have to live in our own "truth" , i feel, and live a life of authenticity, and in integrity..
i believe that we all choose our own path...that we are all accountable for our actions....and that we are created in Jehovah's image, and his greatest quality is LOVE....
i got so damn sick and tired of all the nitpicking and judgementalism of all of the "spiritually strong, mature" ones.....the rules.....policies...and procedures......and finally being told that i couldn't tell jehovah "good morning"...LOL
whew...........
what i finally discovered was that it was not jehovah holding me back, but it was my own self limiting beliefs...due to 42 years of programming....there is nothing holding me back...except myself....
i am not adrift at sea...being left there all by myself to die...i am very much alive now...participating in the adventure of LIFE...and for that i am very grateful....
i guess that the "truth" worked for me for a while.....but then again...so did alcohol....but then one day it stopped working for me....
if it all ended today...i would be able to say that it was a hell of a ride...and that i don't regret one minute of the past. life IS good.
thanks for letting me say my piece here, you guys!!!
peace, love, and joy to all.