Invi - I can totally relate. I think those who are inclined towards insightful and meaningful growth in their life go through phases of differing depths and plateaus in between - a kind of 'ok, what do I do now? What do I need now?' I know these plateaus for me feel like hiking in brand new territory without a compass or map, because it IS new and hence, WILL throw my internal compass off.
I am ten years out of the borg - but it hasn't been ten years that the borg has been out of me. Watching Dateline made me realize just how 'deeply' the JW doctrines had influenced every thought and decision. This past Xmas was the very first time since being out that I enjoyed myself during a holiday. It felt wonderful!
There is a poem by Portia Nelson that I would like to share with you. I have always remembered it as 'the compass and map' when I hit those plateau areas in my phases of internal growth. I hope it is of help to you.
Autobiography in Five Short Chapters (Portia Nelson)
1.
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in
I am lost...I am helpless
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
2.
I walk down the same street,
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
3.
I walk downt he same street
THere is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in...it's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
4.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
5.
I walk down another street.
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It sounds like you are on one of those plateaus. It's a new space and place. I like that poem because it so versatile as regards the learning and growth process for any situation.
THere are also times when, as you called it - informational overload - will bring on a plateau because your system needs to file or digest what you've experienced and the things you've learned. Just go with the flow for now. Your brain will definitely let you know when your next session is ready ;) More puzzle pieces will fall from the sky and fit in. Until then, let yourself take a break and go on 'cruise' for awhile. I've found that helpful.
Another phrase I've found that fits is 'Giving birth to yourself'. It's hard work, takes time, and comes in waves. You aren't trying to say good-bye to yourself Invi - you're finding yourself.
hugs,
Mimilly
