"Remember" said the Lord, "You must complete the
Ark and bring everything aboard in one year."
Exactly one year later, fierce storm clouds
covered the earth and all the seas of the earth
went into a tumult. The Lord saw that Noah was
sitting in his front yard weeping.
"Noah," He shouted. "Where is the Ark?"
"Lord, please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did
my best, I really tried, but..............................
there were LOTS of BIG problems.
1. I had to get a permit for construction and
2. your plans did not comply with the codes.
3. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw
the plans.
4. Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether
or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system
and flotation devices.
5. Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was
violating zoning ordinances by building the
Ark in my front yard,
6. So I had to get a variance from the city
planning commission.
7. I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark,
because there was a ban on cutting trees to
protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced
the U.S. Forest Service that I needed the wood
to save the owls.
8. However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't
let me catch any owls. So, no owls.
9. The carpenters formed a union and went out on
strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with
the National Labor Relations Board before
anyone would pick up a saw or a hammer. Now I
have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls.
10. When I started rounding up the other animals, I
got sued by an animal rights group. They objected
to me only taking two of each kind aboard.
11. Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA
notified me that I could not complete the Ark
without filing an environmental impact statement
on your proposed flood. They didn't take very
kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction
over the conduct of the Creator of the universe.
12. Then the Army Engineers demanded a map of the
proposed new flood plain. I sent them a globe.
13. Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint
filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity
Commission that I am practicing discrimination
by not taking Godless, unbelieving people aboard!
14. The IRS has seized my assets, claiming that I'm
building the Ark in preparation to flee the
country to avoid paying taxes. I just got a notice
from the state that I owe them some kind
of user tax as I failed to register the Ark as
a "recreational water craft."
15. Finally, the ACLU got the courts to issue an
injunction against further construction of the Ark,
saying that since God is flooding the earth, it is
a religious event and therefore unconstitutional.
I really don't think I can finish the Ark for
another 5 or 6 years!" Noah wailed.
The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and
the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the
sky. Noah looked up hopefully.
"You mean you are not going to destroy the earth Lord?"
"No," said the Lord sadly. "I don't have to. The
government already has."