reaction to Dateline

by blindfool 8 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  blindfool

  A few weeks back, Fred told us all that after a few weeks all would be OK at the Kingdom Hall.

  Well, I can't speak for everyone, but I will tell you that my wife hasn't been to a meeting since the program aired. She is going through a stage here where she seems really depressed. She is spending time with her friends who are not JW's. She is mad at me for telling her the program was coming on and encouraging her to watch the show. She looked up the Silent Lambs web site and was very upset about what she learned there. She is seeing cracks in the society that she never admitted to seeing before.

  The thing I hate is that it has affected her faith. She has always relied on the organization, and now she knows things she never bothered to learn or refused to learn.

  This is a challenging time for our marriage. I want to encourage her but she can't look at religious matters without feeling the guilt that comes with being part of the society for so long.
• 

  gsx1138

  Well, I don't know you so there are a few key items I'm missing. Were you two married as witnesses, are you still a witness, and do you still want to be a witness? Most of the problems occure in witness marriages when religion is the only thing the two people have in common. All I can say is try to be there for her and set a good example. I'm not going to encourage you to go to meetings as I firmly believe that religion to be total crap. However, you should also protect yourself emotionally because if she realizes she's been lied to by the WTS she may equate them to you. There are plenty of examples of how people marriages became stronger after a couple left the WTS. Just try to find something for the two of you to do where the topic of religion does not come up. One of the things that always pissed me off about my parents is that they had to constantly search the Watchtowers for answers to any question I came up with. Not to be a downer but this could be the begining of the end. Although, if you set the example you could find your marriage to be more rewarding than ever. I hope you get something from my incoherent babbling.
• 

  happy man

  This is a very important issu who never talkd abauot here, if you have for ex a wife who is a wery happy lady, and devoted JW, caring and lovley, have her dor open fpr evryone in the cong, trying to help in evry way, perfekt householder, and a very godd suporter to you as the man in the family, a lot of this is a result of her belife in jehova and the organisation and what they told her, well if you take her joj away, is it the best way, i am not so sure, perhaps as you say she will be depresd, and her good influens on the famylie is gone,unhappyness can be the result.

  Comments on this important issu thanks.
• 

  Francois

  You've gotten really good advice. Can I boil it down?

  No gloating.
  No I told you so.
  Little talking, lots of listening.
  She was duped just like everyone else. Thus, not to feel bad.
  Supportive.
  Accepting.
  No judgementalism.

  And a positive reaction. She has been given the opportunity to see the Borg for what it really is. Think of all the people who wasted entire lives in the Borg for an empty promise made by nothing more than an organization of men. See how lucky she is? She's got a gift that millions never had a chance to have for themselves. Why waste any, ANY of her new life of freedom feeling badly?

  Of course this constitutes a logical reaction to an emotional problem. Perhaps it will work for you to be there as the necessary time passes and she gradually comes to herself again.

  My two cents.

  Francois
• 

  Siddhashunyata

  The subject of "cognitive dissonance" has been discussed in numerous places but I don't recall anyone mentioning that this state of mind ( induced by WTBTS methods and techniques) is equated with faith in the mind so afflicted. In other words , holding ,in the mind, two ideas as true even though they contradict each other requires the mind to be monitored so that it does not lose its "compartmentalizing" ability. To the afflicted the compartmentalizing ability is interpreted as "faith" thus to lose that ABILITY feels like a loss of faith . It has nothing to do with faith . As you know faith is not in men or organizations nor does it require credulity , ignorance or cognitive dissonance. For example, when the Governing Body claims they are not partial and yet it is evident that no female or minority has been a member for over 100 years , the cognitive dissonant mind is able to acknowledge the facts and still believe " the governing body is not partial". When that mind is overwhelmed with facts it must turn away or "suffer" the loss of cognitive dissonance. Breaking the "chains" of cognitive dissonance is a true "crises" involving tremendous psychological and emotional pain but it has nothing to do with a loss of faith. Faith is not destroyed by truth.
• 

  cyrano

  She will be depressed and upset for a while, why shouldn't she?

  She's finding out the watctower is not really who they claimed to be.

  So, her entire concept of 'world reality' is collapsing.

  This needs to happen if she is to break free from this cult, and I suggest you continue to show her other cracks in the watchtower, albiet with patience.

  Breaking away from this cult will be hard, it always is.
• 

  ashitaka

  Just be there, like everyone else said. Lots of love right now. She's feels betrayed, etc. Shake your head and let her talk. A lot. Guide her towards the truth about the troof IF SHE ASKS, but don't be overly excited at her departure. Seems like you're doing ok so far.

  Good luck.

  ashi

  Edited by - ashitaka on 12 June 2002 15:20:9
• 

  Joyzabel

  Blindfool,

  I'm happy that your wife is thinking, but I am grieving with you about her depression. There has been some great advice so far on just being there for her. Being positive and happy in your life right now may help her look at your faith. Grieving a loss of something as influential as the wtbts takes time and goes through the stages of grief. (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance)

  Hang in there and be strong for her and your family.

  Hugs,

  j2bf
• 

  SloBoy

  Blindfool......my wife and I are on that similar path, though perhaps a little further along. Thanks to everyone for their loving, insightful comments. Peace for us all.