spring thing

by ballistic 5 Replies latest jw friends

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  ballistic

  There was an illustration given in the "family" book on how to give your children more freedom as they grew up. The illustration was of holding a spring in the palm of your hand. If you were to suddenly release the spring, it would bounce off in every direction with no control what so ever. If, however, you were to gradually open your hand a little at a time and very slowly, you would be able to open your hand with the spring sitting still on your palm.

  I was wondering if anyone else was brought up in the truth and then went through a disfellowshipping which was like being "let go" all at once? I've seen several people 'go off the rails' when being thrown out of the borg, and while I would say I didn't entirely go off the rails, I did get into many scrapes trying out drugs, drinking and laying as many women as possible. (please don't have a go, I'm just being honest)

  As some of you know, I recently gave up smoking, having done so for 8 years, since being disfellowshipped. I can just about pin point all of my vices back to being disfellowshipped. My point though, is that I don't think this is some kind of rebellion. I actually think, in my case, it was due to not knowing why these things were bad for you or morally wrong. As far as I knew, I didn't smoke or get drunk because it was against Jehovah. No other reason.

  In other words, I had spent my whole life being given reasons for not doing things which were at a mismatch with the reasons other morally upright non-JWs had for not doing things. Then, feeling that I was facing iminent destruction by God for all my sins, of which I was rather puzzled at the time, it was like none of these limitations on my behaviour existed anymore. And off I bolted like a spring being let loose.

  Hey, I'm still alive!

  Edited by - Simon on 15 June 2002 15:39:23
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  scootergirl

  I remember the spring illustration too!

  For me, I didn't do much of what the jws told me not to do for fear of getting caught and suffering the consequences. But, I do agree, many of what I didn't do was not because it was unhealthy for me, but because the borg told me not to do it.

  It amazes me when I hear of people talking about things that they did while in the borg-kinda like leading two different lives. What amazes me is how they got away with it. Maybe it was the era that I grew up in, or maybe it was that I felt that everyone was watching and I would get narked on....I don't know. But I was scared sh**less and never really went too far off the beaten path.....but when I did I sure did w/gusto!

  I do remember the first year after being df'd...I think I tried everything and anything that was a "no-no" in the borg. Maybe I just needed to get it out of my system.....

  Edited by - scootergirl on 15 June 2002 15:49:25
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  mouthy

  Yes Ballistic! i understand you completely- we have a support group here for exJWs -nearly all of them tell me they to went to drugs,booze & men/women/-( I guess I was to old to start caroussing) but all have overcome those things now- All of them-

  I dont know about the spring in the hand- I explain it like a bird in a cage- the door opens out come the bird - it flies around like mad....hitting into things-so glad to be free- carefree!!It is after your out there for awhile & see decent folks( not the wicked ones the Borg said they were) who are also free & can do what their conscience lets them.

  scooter girl- I am amazed also at what some were doing in the "lie" ( & they are still there)because these that are out was doing it with them.

  One girl who I met (still in) is a lesbian,I asked how she never got caught- she said she had an astrik beside her name- I asked what that meant- she said I am an elders daughter????/

  She is out also now not df or da-- just out!!!A great kid....
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  ISP

  I think the WTS idea is to keep a tight grip on the compressed spring for as long as you can take it. Any release is an illusion. There maybe a counter reaction to the controls placed on you when get out of the WT. It is understandable but hopefully folks settle down.

  ISP
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  ballistic

  Thanks to you both, I'm so glad someone else can relate to my experiences. Until I started posting to message boards like this one about a year ago, I had not even been able to analyse my own situation or fully appreciate what I had been through. I really do feel like I'm on the other side now.

  I met a witness girl via www.friends-reunited.co.uk who had been in my congregation 17 years ago, who never took the truth up and never really believed it. I envied her because she left the truth and did not have to go through any of what I have. She left the truth behind without a d/f.

  But notice, it is all us pioneers, elders and people who took the truth seriously here on this board, the ones who really did "make the truth their own".
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  anglise

  Hi Ballistic

  I can relate to your last thoughts.

  We really did "make the truth our own". This to the extent that when talking over various JW truths with those still in we have been told that we "took it too seriously".

  I a suppose I was wrong to believe that what the org said was true and that everybody else was following it as best as they where able, to the letter.

  It seems with hindsight that very few actually truly believe and practise what they are told.

  We thought we where doing Jehovahs will and that he could see our thought and actions wether others in the cong could or not and so always tried to live up to those high ideals (fools that we were).

  It took 18 years for us to realise otherwise.

  We were old enough, and by then a little wiser, to realise that you dont need to try things personally to know wether they are a good idea or not but we did have discussions with our grown children about the various things that they might want to try out.

  The spring illustration doesnt really hold true. The control has to come from within yourself and not external pressures that force conformity. Only then do you gain a fully rounded outlook to life.

  But this takes time and love and guidance from someone you love not from an organization that holds you in its clutches through emotional blackmail. Truly a prison without bars.