First Mammogram

by WildTurkey 8 Replies latest social humour

  • WildTurkey
    WildTurkey

    Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but theres no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam, and doing the following practice exercises, you will be totally prepared. And you can do this right in your own home!

    Exercise 1

    Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds (while you hold your breath). Repeat again, in case the first time wasnt effective enough.

    Exercise 2

    Visit your garage at 3 am when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat for the other breast.

    Exercise 3

    Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of your breasts. Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Set an appointment with the stranger to meet next week and do it again!!

    CONGRATULATIONS! Now you have nothing at all to worry about when you go for your mammogram!

  • LyinEyes
    LyinEyes

    Ok I NEVER want to have that done now!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Wild Turkey, arent you coming upon the age for a prostrate check????HUMMMMM

    Let me give you a few tips on how to prepare for that, you know to toughen you up........................................................... well, I will just show you.

    Why are you looking so nervous??? Practice what you Preach Brother Turkey.

  • safe4kids
    safe4kids

    ROFL at you two!

    Actually, I had my first mammogram about two years ago, and it wasn't nearly the ordeal I expected it to be. As Dear Abby (or Ann Landers, never can remember!) says: If it hurts, complain! They're not doing it right!

    Now as to prostate exams...hmmm, sorry I can't help you there! Never had one, yaknow.

    Dana

  • Billygoat
    Billygoat

    Haha! That is too funny! Two years ago I had my first mammogram. It was painful. They told me because I was...ahem...little...that the process wouldn't be as simple as if I had larger breasts.

  • Simon
    Simon

    ouch! it really is like that?

    jeepers ... I'm glad we don't have to go for, er ... todger-ograms! (or whatever they would be called)

  • safe4kids
    safe4kids

    Andi, seriously??! Hmmm, so it would hurt more now since I've..er..lost some weight?

    And speaking of which, why the hell is it that the boobs are the first to go when one loses weight??! Geez!! *bitch, mumble, groan*

    Dana

  • JanH
    JanH

    Dana,

    And speaking of which, why the hell is it that the boobs are the first to go when one loses weight??! Geez!! *bitch, mumble, groan*

    I have been much annoyed by observing that effect on women, too.

    Ah, win some, lose some. Choices, choices.

    - Jan

  • Billygoat
    Billygoat

    (((((Jan))))

    It really is awesome having you back!

    Andi

  • safe4kids
    safe4kids

    Jan, that is so true....damn choices! I think I lost like 2 whole cup sizes...but overall, i guess it was worth it

    Dana

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