i am still amazed that anyone (as on a recent thread) could believe that being gay (homosexual) is the result of bad parenting --
co-incidentally, on another board that i post on, there were some posts about relationships with fathers...
please note, that i have edited out identifying information, and that in the country of origin english is not the first language.
Post 1. Memories!
I paid my respect to my deceased father during Father's Day, at the memorial park. My eyes were brimming with tears as I recalled the wonderful things he had done for us. My mum was suddenly overwhelmed by grief and wailed...he left a legacy which no one can reject. He passed away in East Africa due to an industrial accident. Father was there not for enjoyment but to earn the attractive salary to pay for my University fees and to provide for my mum.
During my father's funeral, my aunties provided us with anecdotes about him. He was a Malaysian and had travelled to XXXXXXX alone to search for jobs. Being a volatile and mercurial young man, he was always involved in gang fights. Due to his violent nature, he managed to become a gang leader and possessed much authority. Father was a quick-witted and intelligent bloke, and made a rich living by gambling. He always won and never lost...how admirable. However he gave up his hedonistic lifestyle after my mum gave birth to me.
I have three elder brothers and I am the youngest. We had to squeeze in a one bedroom apartment in XXXXXXX but life was fun as we had many neighbours to interact with. Father doted on me the most...probably because I inherited my mother's looks. He worked as a construction worker and toiled all day and night. I was young and naivete, not fully comprehending the efforts he put in to raise us up properly. There was never anything we lacked because Father was always around to make sure we are well provided for. He even gave up smoking so that our health will not be harmed. Such thoughfulness...
I can still remember vividly this heart warming incident: my parents decided to bring me to this Chinese restaurant for a meal. I was exhilarated! I had never stepped inside a restaurant (we were not well off). However I was surprised that my parents did not order any food for themselves. I was the only one with a plate of noodles. I questioned them but they did not answer me...I kept quiet and savoured the scrumptious delicacy. I was envious of a group of young ladies sitting beside our table...joyfully popping a wide variety of food into their mouths. IT WAS ONLY AFTER A FEW YEARS DID I REALISED THAT MY DAD DID NOT HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO PAY FOR HIMSELF AND MUM...AND ONLY WANTED ME TO ENJOY THE LUXURIES WHICH THEY COULD NOT AFFORD FOR THEMSELVES.
As a young boy, I was always down with coughs. My parents would always take the trouble to bring me anywhere to see any physicians. Although he was a disciplinarian, Father always showered me and my brothers with unfathomable love.
Last year, his Managing Director opened up a steel-scrapping industry in Liberia and recommended my father who was well-known for his discipline, diligence and probity to work there. The salary enticed him. It was simply too attractive. He decided to go for it. However my relatives were not supportive and reprimanded him for going to such a faraway country. Father being a man of decisiveness, would never vacillate once his mind is made up. No one and nothing could stray his thoughts. HE WANTED TO EARN THE SALARY TO HELP ME GET MATRICULATED INTO UNIVERSITY, TO PAY OFF THE DEBTS MY BROTHER INCURRED AND TO PROVIDE FOR MY MUM WHO WAS CANCER STRICKENED.
Months before he left for Liberia, he was a volunteer in a Buddhist temple. Father is unlike any man. He was discipline, honest, confident and possessed an admirable level of sangfroid. Every morning, he would wake up without fail at 4 A.M to chant the sutra. He has personally explained that chanting of the sutra diligently would bring good fortune to the next generation. It was obvious that his actions were a gesture of sacrifice for his progeny.
He left XXXXXXX for Africa in July last year...that was the last time we saw him. Father frequently wrote letters lamenting that he missed us terribly. Life was not a bed of roses in Liberia. The living conditions were rustic and water was not totally potable. Father and his best friend fed on vegetables and consummed no meat at all. Both of them were devout buddhists. In his letters, Father described about the social conditions in Liberia. It was disheartening. Everyday, he and some of his kind colleagues would go to the dangerous streets to feed the hungry children despite oppositions. The Liberians were very fond of him.
We were shocked when he jokingly said that he wished to stay there for a couple of years before returning to XXXXXXXXX. All of us thought that he was serious. He would call us every Sunday and asked about everyone. The last person to hear his voice was me and that was a Sunday...I was on a date with my potential boyfriend.
I wasn't able to sleep soundly on the following Friday. My spirit seemed to be greatly disturbed but I just could not understand why. The next day after I returned from my office, I took a nap in the afternoon.
I woke up and answered a phone call. Only me and my mum were around. I did sense something ominous about the phone call. True enough, someone called to deliver the news that my beloved father met an accident and had passed away. I was shocked to the bones...totally immobilised and a shiver ran up my spine.
I refused to believe the news and my mum kept pestering me about what was going on (she saw the grave expression on my face and suspected something was wrong). I relayed the news to her and she broke down. I quickly called up my brothers and told them what happened. I LOCKED MYSELF IN MY ROOM, WAILING AND KNEELING ON THE FLOOR, ASKING GOD TO REVIVE HIM...I HAD NEVER EXPECTED IT TO HAPPEN...NOT ON ME. The worst part was that we had to wait for a week for his cadaver to be transported back to Singapore. It was pure agony.
It has been nine months since he passed away. I am not able to forget all those wonderful things he has done for me, my brothers and my mum. I appreciated his sacrifice and did not have the chance to thank him with all sincerity. I am not surprised that my potential boyfriend dumped me after my father's death...the hell with him anyway.
While he was alive, Father taught me the importance of courage, confidence, sangfroid and discipline. He was a living example of all the virtues he has taught us. I am who I am today because of him...he is reminiscent of Jesus, isn't he?
I am leaving for Canada soon to pursue my studies and I promised myself that I will strive to bring glory to my father...
(Edited by Maxime at 8:57 pm on June 17, 2002)
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Post No 2. A simple day
i weNt to my parents bedroom and wished my father a happy fathers day...
we went out... for dinner...
on the bus ride... for the first time since whenever... i fell asleep on his shoulder. ... and i guess i muz have slept all the way to the interchange...
it was a nice day.. and i bought ice cream!!!!