I Stopped The Madness & So Can You

by Sentinel 4 Replies latest watchtower medical

  • Sentinel
    Sentinel

    Well, for starters, you might just "stop" everything. Take a sabatical from physical intimacy. (If you are married, talk to your mate and explain things.) Believe me, this will clear your head from too much overcrowding of emotion.

    If you can't sleep, and your head feels like a million people are swimming around in there, you need a bit of help from something that will calm you down. Go to the doctor. Sleep deprivation causes our brain to short circuit.

    It's like what happened to me about 20 yrs ago. My first husband, whom I had separated from the year before, killed himself. This absolutely devestated me, because I internalized everything and blamed myself, although there was no reason for it. My X mother in law lost it and threatened to hire someone to kill me. She obvious meant it, having gone to the MD State Police barricks several times, telling all of them what she planned to do, 'IF THEY DIDN'T ARREST ME FOR HER SON'S 'MURDER'....yes, she had twisted everything around, and blamed me, even though I was not even in the same state.

    Perhaps if I hadn't known about this, I would have been alright, but the MD Police called me here to "warn" me of her threats, and to tell me that they had told her if she showed up another time they would have her arrested. She had just absolutely lost it. Anyway, when all this happened, I thought I would go nuts. I was afraid to go outside, afraid to travel anywhere. I CHANGED. I ALLOWED HER TO CHANGE ME.

    I kept thinking I could handle all of this on my own, but then went for days and nights of not sleeping. I had nightmares. I was a wreck. I realized I needed some help. So, I went to the doctor and he said that I was "using up all my adrenaline" because I was constantly "wired to survive". That was the first time I took a tranquilizer. It was to "stop" the circuits in my brain from requesting adrenaline. It made me like a zombie, but at least I slept--and slept--and slept.

    After some time of using that medicine, I just decided to stop. Then I was later introduced to Prozac, which I took for a very short while and then stopped. My point is, that sometimes we do have to take medicine. We just need to educate ourselves on the side affects from it's use. For me, just being on that stuff for a short while woke me up to the fact that I just needed to "let go" and learn to live without all the fear. It was a long struggle. I probably didn't get the right counsel at the right time, or the right medicine in some cases, but I kept trying.

    Most of all the good that's happened to me mentally and physically has been through just "stopping the madness", taking a good look at myself, and seeing what I need to do to get better. You don't need another person to be complete. Honestly, you just need you. Find yourself and you'll be fine.

    Sometimes, we just have to "feel bad" for awhile. We have to go through some stuff in order to grow and heal ourselves. If you are having difficulties, find someone you can talk to. Hang tight and don't date if you are single. If you are married, take some time for yourself--ask for it if you need to. You don't have to go away to do that. Find a private place in your home where you can meditate. Read a good self-help book. Stop thinking in terms of having to do it all right now. You have plenty of time. Let your experiences teach you something, and then "let go".

    Relax and enjoy your life. Some of the things we believe to be most important, are highly overrated.

    Best wishes to all of you in your endeavors to find yourself and feel better.

    "The Truth Is Out There"

    Karen/Sentinel

  • Prisca
    Prisca

    Great post.

    I felt I was going mad in the period of time I was leaving the JWs - I had to take time out to rediscover myself and learn what I needed in my life to make me happy again. And what was causing my unhappiness.

    Life is now good.

  • Sentinel
    Sentinel

    Prisca,

    You have been my one and only reply. Thank you so much.

    It was a great madness, being "In The Truth", and then finding out that I was "In The Lie". I was so disappointed in my own self, and the choice I had made. Later I learned not to be so hard on myself. Getting back up out of that pit I was in took a long time.

    I've learned to be easy with myself. Sometimes, we are our own worst enemy.

    Take Care

    Sentinel

    Edited by - Sentinel on 6 July 2002 11:56:1

  • Pistoff
    Pistoff

    How much of your trouble was from internalized "doctrine"? I am not making suggestion, i just really am curious, because i think most of my up and down is from guilt and doubt, then guilt again.
    In my family, there is much depression, and addiction. I have many years clean, but sons are now in process of getting and staying clean, and have attempted suicide.
    I am lost right now. I have discovered in the last two weeks what a fraud this faith is, but I have spent 40 yrs here! My business is run by dubs, all my family is, though some cracks are appearing.
    My wife looks at all the stuff in the news as something she just doesn't have the energy or time for; this answer leaves me speechless. In this faith we worshipped the TRUTH; now the idea that if i speak the truth about sex abuse, UN involvement and the hypocritical lip service to "wholesome" therapy, I will be viewed as an apostate.
    *sigh*
    I am venting again, sorry.
    THANKS for sharing how the time out, medication and therapy has helped you. I too started developing a correct view of myself several years ago, and the difference is amazing. When we can love ourselves and know that we can be ok BY ourselves, relationships can become so much richer.

    still kinda...

    Pistoff

  • Sentinel
    Sentinel

    This reply is to Pistoff,

    Sorry it has taken me some time to reply. Seems I am getting quite busy on this forum, reading posts, answering posts.

    To answer your first question. Yes, there is no doubt that I totally internalized "doctrine". I truly believed everything I was taught for so many years, and then even when I felt they might be wrong, I was too programmed to get out in a healthy way. That's why I suffered for so long, full of so much guilt. I just didn't know which way to turn. And, it's not that I wasn't trying, but back then, there wasn't much help for someone stuck in a bad religion. People tended to treat it all so lightly. No one understood the JW concepts except JW's. Life for me was like a rolleycoaster. It's kind of humerous now, but I always said that "I got off the merry-go-round" when I left on my own in 1981,........only to get on the worlds fastest, loop-ti-loop rollercoaster at the other end of "life's park". That's just how it felt. I would have a brief moment of "having it together", and then bam, I'd hit that downslide again, and that's just the way emotions are.

    Since you mentioned addiction, I will say to you this much. Love yourself. Do not hurt or punnish yourself for these "guilts" by giving into addiction again. You will only hate yourself more. You mention you have sons who are getting and staying clean, ....and "have attempted suicide." Did you mean that you have attempted, or they have attempted? I do not wish to misread this.

    Your wife just doesn't want to deal with anything, any of the issues that you find so distressing. That is very sad, because you do need someone who will listen and not judge you. I do hope that you will not give up in trying to reach her. All thing in love.

    I highly recommend even the mildest form of therapy, just finding someone to talk to, someone who can give you good direction without judging you. Trust yourself and your instincts. Remember, it is only the JW's who judge and asign names to things, like apostate. That is such a strong word for someone who just wants answers to honest questions, I think. So unreasonable. So unloving. It hurts to think that you and I, and many others here have lost so much of our life, ourselves to something we thought was "truth". But, It sounds to me like you are on your way a more balanced way of facing life, and that is good news.

    I'm going state a simple, basic fact. It's never too late. As long as you live and breathe, you can change the road you're on--you can correct your mis-perceptions of yourself and the world we live in. Even if your business is "run by dubs" and you are knee deep and neck high, you do have choices. It's not too late to make a change in employment. What would you do to have joy and happiness in your life? A question worth pondering.... Have you read the posts by Amazing? He certainly had a rough road, was in for many years, but managed to salvage not only himself, but his family as well. He has written an expose of his life's experiences, which will likely be a book. There are so many others that post here that were in for many, many years.

    This forum is for venting, for sharing, for caring, and for hope. I've only been here for awhile, but I've really found an interesting variety of people all over the world who usually have the JW influence as a common factor.

    Hope to see you in the Forum.

    Sentinel

Share this

Google+
Pinterest
Reddit