Kids with JW and non-JW parents

by roybatty 4 Replies latest jw friends

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  roybatty

  Im faced with a situation regarding my kids that Im sure someone else out there has also faced. My kids (11 year old son and 8 year old daughter) split their time with me, a non-JW parent and their mother, a JW. Up to this point, discussing in depth why the Witnesses are wrong hasnt really come up. Weve had brief conversations on why I disagree with the WT on certain key issues but Ive stayed away from dropping the hammer on the J-dub religion because I dont want the kids to think Im putting down their mother or their extended family who are Witnesses. On the other hand, theyre getting to the age when those in the Witness congregation will start pressuring them to get baptized. While I wont view this as the "end of the world" I do think it would be a step in the wrong direction.

  A little about me and the kids. We have a GREAT relationship. They also have a great relationship with their mother, who is a die-hard JW. My kids have lots of JW friends and are "popular" in the Hall but they have even more non-JW friends and participate in many non-JW activities (football, soccer, dance, etc.) Regarding organized religion in my household, on Sundays we attend a one hour service at the local Methodist church. Easy going and friendly environment. Religion at home consists of prayers at bedtime and before eating meals, considering a non-denominational daily-devotional and spontaneous conversations about God.

  My question is, should I start pointing out to the kids the major blunders and flat out lies that the WT has promoted over the years? Should I start teaching them why the WT is not only wrong but also dangerous? Should they be told why the disfellowshipping and disassociating arrangement is cruel?

  Im just wondering what others out there have done (or not done) and what the results were.
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  joannadandy

  I think what you are doing now, is exactly what you should be doing!

  If you start pointing out all the flaws it is only going to make it hard for them. They still live with their mother. They will still have to attend meetings at the kingdom hall even if they come to realize it's not the truth. I wouldn't point out anything to them, unless they come to you first with doctrinal questions and why you belive what you do, and why your wife believes what she does. Then you can start pointing things out. I would advise them if they EVER feel pressured that Jesus didn't get baptized until he was in his 30's, and that is a very serious decision and they should NEVER let anyone make it for them.

  If you begin to blast the Witnesses they may cling to it even more. If you remain balanced, open minded, just giving a different perspective on things, when they are old enough they will have the tools they need to make the right choice for themselves.

  But like I said, it sounds like you are handling it beautifully so far, and I would keep it like that.
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  Mum

  Your kids are still pretty young. If you are concerned about their making a choice to be baptized at an early age, play your gender card; i.e., tell them that they can be baptized as JW's after they are of legal age, but you as their father, insist that they be of age before making such a serious decision. Then you might remind them that Jesus was 30 before he was baptized.
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  CPiolo

  Roybatty:

  I too am a non-JW parent married to a JW parent. We are not divorced so the situation is not exactly the same, but there are similarities. Fortunately, my wife and I discussed religion before being married, and before she returned to the JW organization, and came to an agreement where we are not to raise our children in any religion. My wife has been trying to wiggle out of this arrangement, but I stand firm.

  However, eventually our son will have many of the same questions as your children. I have given this some thought and my stategy follows along the lines of the well known:

  Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he'll eat for life.

  My plan is to teach my son how to think, not what to think. There are many good books for children that helps them learn to think rationally, and gives them the abilities necessary to discern BS from well-reasoned arguments, and the abilities to test arguments.

  Here are a couple:

  How Do You Know It's True?: Discovering the Difference Between Science and Superstition
  Hy Ruchlis

  Maybe Yes, Maybe No: A Guide for Young Skeptics
  Dan Barker

  I also plan to educate my son about abusive groups. Again, I'm not going to provide a list, but rather explain to him their methods and the warning signs one should look for to determine whether the group is a high-control group/cult or abusive and detrimental to its members.

  Best or luck,

  CPiolo
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  roybatty

  Thanks for the replies. Regarding the age thing and baptism, I am putting my foot down on that one. That, as their father, I wont allow them to make an adult decision while theyre still children.

  I like the idea of teach them how to think, not what to think. Thanks for the book references. Ill check them out.