I just can't stay away

by truthseeker1 6 Replies latest jw friends

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  truthseeker1

  Hey guys, I know you are probably sick of me coming and going, but I just can't stay away. Every time I talk to JWs about my problem, they tell me I need to study more and stay away from here. But I just can't stay away...I'm interested in things said here, the openness things are discussed.

  Nothing has really changed with my situation. I didn't DA myself yet, because of what happend in the talk with the elders. I told them I didn't want to be a witness anymore because I didn't believe in the bible. I told them a lot of good things are written in the bible, but I just didn't believe any of the supernatural things, like angles, demons, ect. I even told him I didn't believe in God. He told me to read a scripture in Acts about people rightly disposed became believers. He said I was a really great person and I was rightly disposed, but I never gave the bible a chance. He wanted to study with me, go over all the problems I have and work with me to see if I can build up my faith. I said I'll give it a chance. Its kinda weird..I expected to be DF or something but nothing happend. My whole family and a few other families know how I really am and they still hang around me, still invite me to gatherings and such. I do realize that if I told them to F*CK OFF they wouldn't do that, and sometimes I feel like saying that to the Org, but for now I'll just study. Don't worry, I'll study both sides and ask ask ask questions. I had one study so far and we talked about my problem with bible chronology, how I didn't believe humankind is only ~6k yrs old. He didn't say anything that changed my view, but hey, I'm stubborn.

  The situation with my wife is strange. We have been trying to have kids for 4 years now, but nothing has happend. Now she says she doesn't ever want to have kids with me because she doesn't trust me. She is afraid that some day, 10 or so years down the road when we do have kids, I'm going to go through this again and we might split up or something. She doesn't want kids to complicate things. I don't know how I feel about that. I know she doens't want to be married to a non-believer. She is still young, so if I decide not to be a witness, i'll probably, regretfull, painfully and with much hesitation leave. I wouldn't want to keep her in a marriage she doesn't want to be in, I care for her too much. I'm just keeping ya posted for those who care
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  VioletAnai

  Don't worry if you come and go, we're not keeping a running total here. I have left and returned here on many ocassion too and I feel the same as you...I'm interested in what's said here.....to the point where it's kind of addictive.

  No wonder the jw's stipulate that you stay away from places like this and only read the wtbts literature. Coming here, sets doubts in your mind as to the religion and that is a dangerous thing if you're a top level executive worrying about losing members and their donations so you can 'store up treasure where moths consume'.......
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  LB

  Well don't rush to judgement in anything. To be honest I didn't care for what he said to you.

  He told me to read a scripture in Acts about people rightly disposed became believers

  so in other words if you don't believe them you aren't rightly disposed???

  I think your wife may be right about not having kids. If being married to a non believer is that important to her then hold off. Also many times a believing spouse is willing to do almost anything to get thier non believing spouse into the truth and blackmail is at the top of the list. And she's blackmailing you on this one.

  I don't recall but you must be baptized right? In order to get DFed. But you are still studying? What's going on there?
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  truthseeker1

  Yes I am baptized, and yes I am studing with an elder. Its not a normal study, where we read a paragraph, read the question and then read the paragraph back to him. Its more of a discussion about what Issues I have and to talk to him about them. I think i'm past the point of faking it to make people happy. I'm doing it for myeslf. If I decide that it is a load of crap (Which it probably is) then I'll leave with a good consious, being able to say I really studied and just couldn't believe. If I decide I want to be a witness, then I'll do that. Right now you can see where I stand. I figure if there is a God and JWs are right, it will prove itself to me. If they are wrong, then I can say "Wow, what an embarrassing part of my life" and never look back. Hope this answers your questions.

  I know it looks like I go back and forth on this subject, but thats just how my life is going right now, hope I don't piss anyone off
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  Prisca

  I wish you well on your spiritual journey. Let us know how things go for you with your studies with the elder.

  I can understand your wife's concerns. You need to have common goals as parents in order to have a stable atmosphere in which to bring up a child. I think it's a good idea that you wait for a while.
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  Undecided

  Hi TruthSeeker,

  I understand your feelings, I was in about the same situation when I discovered H2O, hence my screen name Undecided. You really don't need a person to explain what the JWs beleive, it's all printed in their literature and if an individual deviates from it they will be kicked out. The problem here is, what time period should you believe their literature, since it constantly changes and if you have been out for several years you have to relearn the new light. That should show you it is man made and not God inspired. So the JW religion is like all the rest of man made ideas. So we should develop a philosophy that is good for all humanity, not condeming all but ourselves.

  Ken P.
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  SpiceItUp

  hope I don't piss anyone off

  I don't think you'll do that here. Too many of us have been in that undecided state to pass any kind of judgement on those still finding what they believe. I for one think its admirable that you are willing to let them try to prove themselves. I know I wouldn't be able to give them the same courtesy myself.

  As far as the children situation goes....I think your wife is right on that account. Just think of what might happen if you have kids and then you leave. They will be torn between you and their mother. Also if you hold to your convictions and give both sides a chance ...she may come around...who knows it could happen.

  Good luck to you on your journey. May you find what is right for you.

  Spice