Hello everyone.
I was only here before to chat with you, but I didn't tell my story. I want to share it with you now and I would love to here your opinion.
My name is Tamara and live in Chile. I was very young when I had many questions about life and God. My mother was lutheran and my father catholic, but only by name. So when I was 14 years old ask for a Bible. I couldn't understand it very well, so when a Jehovas Witness came to my house I accepted a Bible study. Of course I didn't think to be witness, but when I studied more and more I didn't realize that I follow many things of them and after two years I became a Jehovas Witness. My mother got babtized too.
I was witness for 11 years, but for many years I have really a lot of doubts and felt more and more unconfortable because I felt I was loosing my identity following rules that aren't in the Bible. Last year I began to stay more hours at work or stay at home instead to go to the meetings of the witness and finally I didn't go to them anymore.
I choose a career and a part time job, because a followed the organization advice "don't to the University and try to be a pioneer". But because I had a depression that started when I started my Bible study (funny ah?) I couldn't be a pioneer. So I was in a career and in a job that I didn't like, with friends that were more worried to find a partner to marry than to be a good friend, withouth boyfriend (although I really wanted one) and still living with my parents (because that was the elder's advice). Now I'm happy I quit my job and I'm studing something that I dream with, Dance.
One of the biggest doubts I had and still have is that Jehovas Witness thing that their religion is the only true one. But I watch other people from other religions or without one that are good or better people that many witness I knew, so why they won't have the salvation, only because they aren't witness? A witness could answer that this people don't have the exactly knowledge in the Bible, but witness changed their beliefes many times in the past and they still do, so maybe they are right in many doctrines but
maybe wrong in other ones, like other religions. Why I was supposly better than other people, only because I have more or better knowledge? I not agree with that kind of competition. I wanted to see people like they really are, not because he or she is from that religion or the other one. Do you understand me?
My brother got babtized too, but he only was witness for two years. He found out things that of course witness don't know. I read the book "Crisis" from Raymond Franz. At the beginning I felt bad, but finally I read it in one week. A felt more relax because it confirmed my doubts.
I still belief in God and in Jesus. I still belief that they will bring a change here in the Earth and good people will have the oportunity to live for ever in peace. But when I didn't go to the witness meetings anymore a felt a little bit guilty. They teach us that
if you leave them, you won't have the Bible hope anymore and can't have a good relationship with God. I don't thing now that to be part of a religion is necessary. Many bad things were done in the name of the religion too... But I still feel a little bit
guilty. I'll explain you, so maybe you could give me your opinion or advice if you want.
One of the rules that I didn't want to follow anymore in the witness, was to marry with another witness. I'm 28 years old now and I'm single and had a few oportunities with man that weren't witness but I reject them because of that. Inside the religion it
wasn't easy to find someone and I saw many sisters that are very unhappy because they are old and aren't married. I saw that to marry someone that have the same beliefs isn't a garanty that marriage will be happy, many witness are separated or in troubles like outside.
In the other hand I don't thing that marriage is necessary. I thing that people need to proof in relationships and in sex, not like a promiscuit person, just to proof and try to make that love will works. But I don't know that that kind of belief is in opposite of God and ruin my relationship with him.
When I worked, I had a married work partner who likes me, but I didn't allow anything between us, although I like him very much. So I follow one Bible law. But maybe break one of the Bible rules in this other case I'll tell you.
I knew a very nice german guy, who lives in Spain, in my last day of holidays. We went out and when we were dancing he hugh me and kissed me. That was my first really kiss. I knew he wanted something more with me, but I tried to find out if he wanted something serious with me (I'm dreamer, don't you think?) He was very hones and told me he won't have a relationship in a distance and with someone who don't know. So I had very big troubles in my mind, because I thought to have sex for the first time with someone who I love and trust, but I also wanted him. So we spend the night in my car and I had the nearest experience of sex. I didn't feel guilty and I don't regret. And I would finish what we started if he would spend more days in Chile J . But, can I still talk to God?
Kisses,
Tamara