The JW Virtual World

by jst2laws 8 Replies latest jw experiences

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  jst2laws

  Do we live double lives?

  I was commenting on another thread and was momentarily disturbed by my own inclination to describe my predicament as living a double life. That sounds dishonest, deceptive or is it just my JW indoctrination speaking. Be patient now, I'm just thinking out loud.

  Many of us have mentally and spiritually left the DUB world but pretend we haven't when around friends and relatives who are Jdubs. I have given this a little thought (meaning I felt guilty for just a moment) to figure out how I feel about this trap that has sprung around us.

  Yes, it feels like living a double life but it is not our choice. We all have a right to think for ourselves and this is why some now live in a Jehovah's Witness virtual world. While we live in our own real world we have to play along in the virtual world of our friends and relatives. They live in the imaginary world, we live in the real world.

  They come to visit with their cyber helmets wielding imaginary formidable weapons that will keep them from harm. They really believe they are JW Laura Crofts and Crocodile Dundee's in an evil world where they are the heroes and saviors. They march confidently into any dangerous situation with a cache of spiritual swords and guns, assured by the game designer that they will be guided to a 'medi pack' just in time to restore their nearly drained life.

  Now we have opened our eyes and see people all around us with flashing helmets on their heads attached to wires disappearing into the dark secret room of the central controller, while they quite amusingly stand on a pad, marching but getting no where, swinging fists but hitting nothing, running for their lives when no one is chasing.

  And to avoid spoiling the game and getting all our friends mad we pretend to play the game as tired and wounded old soldiers deserving respect because of our past high game scores. While we do speak up to our closest friends and try to convey to them this is only a virtual world, some take offense thinking we have changed sides in the game.

  They can't harm us with their virtual weapons, but the game keepers can put us outside on the street. For some it is very lonesome out in that parking lot with no ride home, waiting for our friends still inside playing their games. To avoid this many of us stay just inside the door pretending to believe the game is real.

  Many of us have gone past the emotions of fear, anger and sadness from having discovered the world we had lived in was not real. We have found ourselves in the parking lot of life and decided to forget the game, and get on with our real life. Still many of us have to quickly put on our virtual helmets and pretend to play when our dub friends come around. To me this is bearable.

  But is this living a double life? NO! It is finally living a real life while occasionally pretending to play the game that our relatives and friends prefer.

  What do you think?

  Jst2laws
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  ignored_one

  Hmm.

  Interesting post.

  Thanks for that jst2laws.

  Ignored One.
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  ozziepost

  The trouble is, that when we are no longer living the "double life" we can find that the JW world impinges greatly on our own world.

  Mrs Ozzie and I have seen at first hand how Bethel leaders will boast "We have your children" and they're not kidding, I can tell you! Even though all our family are adults, the Borg has taken them, one of them literally, so that the whereabouts are unknown. We don't know how they are, or where. That's the reality of what happens when the exDub ceases to lead the "double life".

  Cheers, Ozzie

  P.S. We owe yr wife an e-mail. Sorry we're slack.
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  Perfection Seeker

  Double life? Sure. It's probably like how homosexuals feel- who want to "come out of the closet" and are happy with their lives, but don't tell family & friends for the family & friends sake. So, we don't want to be a part of the organization, but they are still in, so why flaunt our lifestyle & hurt them when they come- it is easier to pretend. Who doesn't put on a show for company, so to speak? I mean, husbands miraculously don't fart (lol) when company comes over, you use manners at the table (lol) So, when you deal with witnesses, you are considerate of them. That isn't really compromising your standards or leading a double life- you are just being polite not to swear, or have lottery tickets lying around, hide the crisis of conscience book-ha ha. Just my two cents worth! :-) PS It is the CHRISTIAN thing to do to be respectful. They overstep bounds & PUSH PUSH PUSH, but it is easier when dealing with family to feel bad for them. For me- I blame the organization, not my family & friends. They have just been brainwashed over the years. I was "in" once, so I know how it happens & how it feels. You HATE to shun people, but "Its for their own good" and for your own good- blah blah blah. The witnesses of this generation aren't the ones who changed the bible or wrote the rules, they just fell for a line & now are in deep. I feel sorry for them- I am not mean to them, or hurtful, even though they have been hurtful to me- I know it is way bigger than them. If you feel sorry for them, somehow it's easier to deal with

  Edited by - perfection seeker on 6 July 2002 10:8:19
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  jst2laws

  Ozzie,

  "We have your children"

  That IS sad to be, as the illustration goes, in the parking lot of life and knowing your loved ones may never come out. But there is always hope. I wish I could suggest something. Love and patience are the only tools I can think of.

  I hope my way of describing the problem did not seem insensitive to you, Ozzie.
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  MegaDude

  I don't believe being a former JW and playing along with JW associates is living a double life. Namely because we aren't deceiving ourselves. Our concern is helping others gain their freedom as we have, or just maintain relationships with those we love. You are seriously hampered in doing that if you have been labeled disfellowshipped or disassociated. That's why I wish I had never DA'd. You never know when the window of opportunity will open and a JW will approach you with concerns or questions about Watchtower.

  Also, it is quite a shock to the system to lose all of your close associates, friends, family in one fell swoop because you become a known opposer or are disfellowshipped. For some, a gradual breaking away from these people might be easier to take than having them all taken from you at once.

  It is a good feeling to assert yourself and DA once you realize the lie the Watchtower is, and for some this is a necessary step in their personal growth. But you'll never have the chance to plant seeds of the truth with those you wish would leave with you. "Undercover" is the way to go, if you can handle it.

  Edited by - megadude on 6 July 2002 10:23:27
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  jst2laws

  Perfection Seeker,

  I feel sorry for them- I am not mean to them, or hurtful, even though they have been hurtful to me- I know it is way bigger than them. If you feel sorry for them, somehow it's easier to deal with

  That, I think is a healthy frame of mind. We were there once, believing it was real, believing it was right to be harsh and inflexible. We are out but they are still in playing this futile game. The waist of life's and energy, the harm caused by mindless policy, and the separation of loved ones when one stops playing the game is intolerable. Yet the individual participants in the game are victims to be pitied.

  BTW Seeker,

  We need to talk some time about your name. I used to be a perfection seeker. It was VERY UNHEALTHY.

  Jst2laws
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  Wendy

  Hey Jst2

  I liked the way you explained your feelings on this. I had been out over 9 years before I fully told my mother why. When she would start preaching to me, I delivered the correct responses, agreeing with her on certain things even though in my heart I knew she was wrong. It was last summer when I had finally had enough. She started one of her speeches and I just let loose, the floodgates were open and the conversation lasted a few hours. I cannot tell you how frustrating and freeing it was at the same time. I no longer wanted her to feel I had a meaningless existence without the org. Not that I ever gave her that impression, but it felt good to let her know how my life is now and I am happy. Again in October, we had another convo lasting a few hours. Back in Feburary one more, this one only an hour. After Dateline, she called and asked me about it, the phone call lasted 15 minutes. She sent me a letter last week, and will never talk to me again or my children.

  I feel sorry for her. How can you raise, care for and love a child only to turn your back on them? I am hoping this painful lesson will make an impact on my kids. I just wish they did not have to go through with it. I think with this crazy religion there is not a middle ground unless you do lead a double life. How can they possibly understand the joy we feel when we are living our lives for ourselves and not for their publishing company. This religion is very dangerous, they have an answer for everything, of course that is why so many fall into the trap. I completly understand why so many have to be decieving to their loved ones. I played that game for awhile, but after a time, you realize that you are not living your life. You are still playing by the rules they created, your heart will never be free. It hurts like hell to get the final goodbye from them, and I could not imagine how it is to be like Ozzie and Grunt and so many other parents who raised their children only to have them turn their back on them. My heart aches for them, and for me and my children.

  But, there is life after this crazy religion. This world is full of joy, even the tiniest things we take for granted like sleeping in on Sunday mornings haha. If you continue to dwell on the positive perhaps you can draw those you love out. Let them see you actually having a full life, instead of believing what the org tells of former members. And I will be the first to admit hanging out on ex jw message boards is not fully leaving your past behind. It is hard to not get pulled back into the unhealthy feelings when you see so many lives hurt.

  ((((Jst2 &Joy)))))

  wendy
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  jst2laws

  Hello Megadude,

  I wish I had never DA'd. You never know when the window of opportunity will open and a JW will approach you with concerns or questions about Watchtower

  I'm sorry to hear that, but glad you said it, Jerry. Some who leave should just walk away and better their life. Others can and are willing to assist in the liberation of more JWs. This is much easier to do without a wall such as DFd or DA'd. But if you are dealing with someone who does not know you are DA'd, why not have a go? Just as they do not have any legitimate authority over us, we do not have any obligations to them.

  Wendy,

  It was nice to read you story about your mother, but with a sad ending. Maybe something will change in the future.

  If you continue to dwell on the positive perhaps you can draw those you love out. Let them see you actually having a full life, instead of believing what the org tells of former members.

  Good point, Wendy. Every time a JW finds me on a job or at home they ask how I'm doing. I cant find enough positive words to describe how happy we are. I tell them we are all getting a long better as a family since we quit the meetings, we read the Bible only now, free of guilt and feeling closer to God. Then I tell them not to tell anyone because its not supposed to be that way. They go away thinking they are missing something yet feeling I am just a lucky independant rather than an evil apostate.

  Nice to hear from you Wendy,

  Jst2laws