Humor "at God's expense"

SpiderMonkey

The local paper ran an article today (from Cox News Service; you may have seen it already) on the Religion page, "God, that's funny! ...or is it?" It's about some Bible "experts" testifying that God does, in fact, have a "funny bone." In other words, that it's OK to poke fun at religion in general, or even to tell jokes about God. A few of the jokes (paraphrased for brevity &/or clarity):

Jack was coming out of church on Easter, and as usual the pastor was there at the door shaking people's hands. He grabbed Jack & pulled him aside, telling him, "You need to join the army of the Lord, Jack." Jack replied, "I already am, pastor." "Then how come I don't see you, except at Christmas & Easter?" Jack whispered back, "I'm in the secret service."

A man trying to understand the nature of God was asking Him some questions. "God, how long is a million years to you?" "A million years to me is like a minute." Then the man asked, "God, how much is a million dollars to you?" "A million dollars to me is like a penny." The man thought for a moment & asked, "God, can I have a penny?" "Sure, in a minute."

Two lifelong friends had a running argument. The black friend argued that God was black, and the white friend argued He was white. The 2 friends had a fatal accident, together, while fishing, & found themselves b4 the Pearly Gates. St. Peter met them, and naturally they asked him to resolve their old argument. So he led them to a waiting room & told them to have a seat; God would be with them shortly. Meanwhile, they continued the argument. Then they heard some loud footsteps coming & turned to *finally* learn the answer; the door swung open & God said "Buenos dias, senores!"

OK, a coupla those punchlines are fairly predictable. So what's YOUR favorite "God" joke?

4christ

Dear Lord,

So far today, God, I've done all right. I haven't gossiped, haven't my temper, haven't been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or over-indulgent. I'm really glad about that. But in a few minutes, God, I'm going to get out of bed, and from then on I'm probably going to need a lot more help!

God has to have a sense of humor.....look at some of the creatures He has made :) duck billed platypus, anyone?????

SpiceItUp

found this at unwind.com...was laughing my arse off.

A MESSAGE FROM GOD

A man is driving along the interstate out of Maine. He's got two hours to get to an important business conference in New Hampshire. All of a sudden, he's really hungry. He pulls over to the nearest fast food joint he sees. He orders a huge meal from the drive-through, and continues on his way.

After a little while, nature calls. The man, not wanting to "go" in the forest, looks around desperately for a building with a bathroom. He's really got to take a crap. Suddenly, he sees this small, run-down old church. He thinks, "Great, they'll have a bathroom."

He pulls over, and runs into the lobby. It's deserted, and he can't see a bathroom anywhere. He runs into the sanctuary. He sees a praying woman.

"Where's the bathroom?" he asks.

"Shh! Down the hall, third right." So the man runs down the hall. In his pain, however, he takes the third left, instead. He rips the door open. It's a hole in the wall! He thinks, "Oh well, it's better than nothing."

In the basement below, a preacher is praying at his private alter, "What will god give us today?" The preacher holds up his hand, reaching up to heaven through his heaven-hole in the wall.

PLOP!!

"Oh. Well, if that's how he's feeling today, well, so be it. What will god say to us today?" He stretches his ear up to heaven.

"Dammit, where's the toilet paper?"

kaykay_mp

my ex-fiancee would get mad whenever he heard someone tell a joke about God or say something funny and the word God would be in the sentence. then he'd say "i dont like people who joke about God."

and then i'd tell him to shut the fuck up.

i totally don't miss him; i dont care if he is the father of my children.

joannadandy

http://www.theonion.com/onion3734/god_clarifies_dont_kill.html

I am sure it has been posted here already, or some have already read it, but I have always loved this one...