My Lovely Weekend....

by teenyuck 7 Replies latest watchtower bible

• 

  teenyuck

  NOT!!!!!!!!!

  Sigh...it is finally over!

  My mother-in-law just left. She and my brother-in-law came for the weekend. I can now clean up the mess they made and try to get the cigarette burns out of the wood deck.

  Let me explain the players:

  MIL: Name: Moira (Celtic version of Mary), 68, Roman Catholic, Irish-American, 5'0", Divorced for last 29 years, Never remarried or even dated, Worked as secretary til age 65, Smokes 2-3 packs a day, Drinks 1/2 bottle of whiskey a day, moved to Florida from Illinois 3 years ago, Hates DIL (me), Wants warm weather, Wants less humidity, Wants grandchildren, Wants more money, Wants a companion, Will always be miserably unhappy because of hand dealt by life (this per my husband, day before visit).

  BIL: Name: Mark, 40, Single, Richard Dreyfess look alike (bald, goatee, 5'9") Never married, Last girlfriend was 2 years ago; relationship lasted approximately 3 months, This is only girlfriend in last 17 years I have known him, Lived with MIL until MIL moved to Florida, Know-it-All, Smoker, Declared bankruptcy 5 years ago and hid it from MIL (she would be mad), Sloppy pig, Manager at Panera Bread (all jobs have been in food service), No college.

  My husband: Name Keith, 42, 6'2", Weight-lifter, MBA, Got schlorship in football, Left home at 18 (never looked back), Very successful career, Very nice guy, Happy he had a chance to go to college, Happy with life, Happy with me, Happy with our situation, Happy the way his life has gone, Nice to everyone, Never impolite (only to me when he farts in the room), Very proud of his accomplishments (as he should be with no father from age 11 on).

  Me: Name Tina, 5'9", Bachelors degree, Paralegal certificate, Very happy with life, Very happy with husband, Sometimes impolite, Sometimes not nice (husband is a good influence).

  My MIL invited herself and her son to our home approximately 3 months ago. She did not clarify her plans until two weeks ago (too late for super saver airfare) and told my husband he was supposed to make her reservations. Since I make all the travel arrangements, he asked me to do it. All he knew was that she wanted to come in the Friday after July 4th and then go to Chicago....but on the same flight as BIL (who always visits with MIL) to Chicago. Since BIL on fishing boat in Wisconsin, I could not consult on return flight to Chicago and was forced to purchase a one-way ticket.

  I made and paid for a one-way ticket from Orlando to Columbus. MIL would be mailed (by me) the E-Ticket. MIL never thanked us for paying the bill, nor for making any arrangements. BIL handled the Columbus to Chicago and the Chicago to Orlando leg...after he returned from vacation on boat.

  MIL is miserably unhappy and will let anyone within hearing distance know it. MIL complains about everything. From the weather to the sounds birds make...MIL questions every thing I do. Why am I not working? Why have I not have children? Why have I not become Catholic? MIL always askes these questions when husband is in bathroom or not in the room.

  MIL knows my history as JW. She knows about medical condition regarding childbirth.

  MIL knows why I am not working. MIL knows that the smoking drives me crazy...smokes and blows it in my direction (only outside; I forbade her to smoke in my home).

  MIL does not like anyone who is not Catholic, Full blood-Irish, white, wealthy, middle-class, taller, non-smoker, basically everyone....she dislikes everyone and everything.

  Husband and BIL went golfing on Saturday...all day! MIL very miserable to spend all day with me. That at least was comforting!

  See the thread for more background:

  http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.asp?id=23785&site=3

  Why do so many MIL hate the DIL? I know of so many friends whose MIL are similar; but the hostility is hidden from the husband (son of the MIL). It seeps out when husband is out of room. As it did this weekend.

  Thanks for letting me vent. It is good to write it out.

  I hope you all had a good weekend.

  Edited to add: Opps, wrong thread type. Should be "Friends"

  Edited by - puffsrule on 7 July 2002 19:51:13
• 

  Mac

  And the tall, college educated, non-smokers shall inherit the earth, for these are the happy ones whom God hath blessed! ( Unless, of course they have receding hairlines and atrophying muscles)
• 

  BeautifulGarbage

  Why do so many MIL hate the DIL?

  Honey, I wish I had the answer to THAT question! I could write a book and make a fortune.

  When I first started dating my husband, he had long hair (his family is not JW). Well, I didn't like it and wanted him to cut it. He vasillated for a few weeks, and I decided to take action. I made an appointment and called him at work to let him know the place and time. He protested, but I just said "6pm, be there" and hung up. He was there, and looked so dang good afterwards.

  Well, come to find out, his Mom had been nagging him for YEARS "to cut that hair!" to no avail. She mentioned it a few times "jokingly" (or so I thought) and sent the under lying message that she resented me for that. Even though she LOVED how it looked, she was mad that he didn't do it for HER.

  Anyway, through the years, other than that, I thought we got along pretty good. She did have a habit of comparing me to her other DIL, the "ruler" that I could never measure up to. She did EVERYTHING better than me. Wife, Mother, etc.

  Then about five years ago, she had a stroke and the flood gates of anger and resentment burst forth with verbal assaults against me. She flew into a rage over the directions we took driving to a local restaurant. Now, my spouse was driving and my MIL was in the backseat. When I pointed out an easier way, she lit into me. I was "always causing trouble" and she wailed and cried. It was insane.

  All my spouse could do what snap "Mom, BE QUIET!" because there was simply no reasoning with her. She also has a lovely home in Palm Springs, but has done nothing but complain for the last 30 years about how much she hates it here. She complains that my BIL is a successful businessman, instead of a doctor. Oh, she really HATES that my spouse is a truck driver and likes to ride motorcycles instead of playing tennis.

  Anyway...

  All I can tell you is that my foot would be put down, through the floor if necessary, that his Mom will not visit at my home again. PERIOD! Oh, he can go visit HER, but you will not be going with him. The days of free airfare are OVAH. If she starts in on you while on the telephone, just excuse yourself and hang up.

  Or.....

  Now, it takes alot of confidence to do this, but AGREE (well, not really) with her. "Oh yes, it's awful we don't have kids! OH YES! you are right! I am soooo lucky that your exceptional son decided to marry "down" to someone like me! Yes! can you believe the NERVE of those birds, HOW DARE THEY CHIRP! "

  Have FUN with it!

  Listen, I know that some measure of respect should be given to most parents out of obligation. However, that doesn't include putting up with their CRAP. I swear, old people, especially parents, think that their kids should put up with their NONSENSE just because they have managed to live a long time. So, stop lying on the floor. That way, she can't wipe her feet on you.

  Andee
• 

  kaykay_mp

  girl -- put your foot down. its your house too!!! im not trying to bitch you out, but if my MIL was like that, she would never come to my house unless she adjusted her attitude.

  if there's one thing i can't stand, its being disrespected in my own house. just ask some of my closest associates. ive kicked many a person out of my apartment. yeah, im a bitch, but im a bitch that gets respect in her own home.

  i bet you've worked too hard for everything that you have. and your MIL is going to use your home as an ashtray -- theres just no excuse for her.
• 

  simplesally

  Mine are not allowed at my house. Never. Not allowed to visit, not allowed to enter.
• 

  teenyuck

  Now, it takes alot of confidence to do this, but AGREE (well, not really) with her. "Oh yes, it's awful we don't have kids! OH YES! you are right! I am soooo lucky that your exceptional son decided to marry "down" to someone like me! Yes! can you believe the NERVE of those birds, HOW DARE THEY CHIRP! "

  Andee, that is great! I am going to do that...if I have to visit her in FL at Xmas. I am going to fight it.

  The "respect" issue is what my husband says. He is waaayyy too nice. He simply will not tell her to quit her whining and be grateful that she is alive. Considering her lifesyle she could be dead.

  A major breakthrough was his agreeing that she is unhappy and always will be. He has no answers. I told him while she may be proud of his achievements, she is jealous and resentful that he has a "new" house, 3 year old car, etc. He did not agree, however, it made him think.

  I will no longer go out of my way for her in anyway. She is ungrateful and resentful of everything we worked our butts off for.

  My mom pointed out that the way he treats his mother is an indicator of how he will treat me. I don't know if I buy into that, but it sounds nice.

  Thanks for the advice, all. I am going to be stronger and not allow her to walk over us.
• 

  Scully

  If she ever has to visit you again, perhaps a good investment would be the purchase of a few mini webcams and audio recording devices.... you can set them up strategically to record MIL acting out around you when hubby is out of the room.

  I totally empathise with you, by the way. My own MIL did similar things to me, no matter how hard I tried to be nice to her. For her first visit in our home, I spent a week doing extra cleaning - even washed the walls - in preparation for MIL & FIL's arrival. (They were coming for a few hours prior to BIL's wedding.) As I turned my back and walked out of the living-room into the kitchen to get refreshments, I saw her reflection in a mirror.... she was giving my furniture the "white-glove test".

  I came back into the room with a tray of glasses filled with iced tea in one hand, and a can of Pledge and a dustrag in the other. I handed her the Pledge and dustrag and suggested that if she found anything during her "inspection" that she was welcome to do a better job. I sat down with a glass of iced tea, with my husband and FIL. FIL was laughing his ass off that she'd been "caught". She was mortified, and said she was sure she'd seen a spider, and was trying to "smuck" it. So I offered her a can of Raid to replace the Pledge, and in my most pleasant voice said "I know you're just trying to help, dearie." It never happened again, because she died about 7 months later, but I'm sure she would have been an on-going vexation for me otherwise.

  I hope there's no "next time" for you, but if there is, and she wants you to make travel arrangements for her, I'd play "travel agent" and ask "And how will you be paying?" Force her to either take responsibility for herself, or admit that she wants you to pay her way. Make her uncomfortable, she certainly deserves it for all the crap she's dumped on you....

  Hugs
  Love, Scully
• 

  teenyuck

  I love the webcams! That would be great. She sits out on our deck, with the BIL, (they seem to be joined at the hip), both smoking and talking low. A few good mics and visuals would be wonderful.

  I am going to investigate these.

  I am also going to get on the extention, next time I hear my husband making the travel arrangements, and ask how will she pay, does she not have a travel agent, etc.

  That will drive her crazy. I love the idea!