Small Signs of Recovery

by OrbitingTheSun 4 Replies latest jw friends

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  OrbitingTheSun

  Yesterday, while shopping at a local craft store, I ran into the woman that conducted my study. Being inactive and relatively antisocial, this experience normally would have left me a nervous wreck...but for the first time I sensed the tables were turned.

  This woman (a pioneer, the wife of an elder, and the mother of a Bethelite) has always used her "spiritual" (political) clout to intimidate and manipulate people in my congregation, yet I could tell that this time she was afraid of ME for a change. Maybe it was just because she sees me as a contagious apostate now OR because her evil powers are useless outside of a Kingdom Hall...but whatever the case, my response to the situation was definitely an indicator of my personal improvement.

  Since leaving the organization, what experience(s) have shown you that you were finally emotionally and intellectually untangling yourself from the WTBTS?

  Edited by - OrbitingTheSun on 26 July 2002 14:17:22
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  writerpen

  I'm not sure that I can just choose one experience, but I know the "peacefulness" in my life is evidence that I've grown since leaving the borg.
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  Mum

  I have been out and free since 1979. Oddly enough, the JW's that I knew back then do not shun me. I do not feel uncomfortable in their presence. If anyone is uncomfortable, they are. There was one episode when my non-JW grandmother died, but my JW mom's JW friends showed up at the funeral home, when a JW would not speak to me.

  I made light of it to my non-JW relatives in front of my mom. I said, "I guess her heart is just so full of Jesus that she is rendered speechless in my presence." The non-JW's laughed. My mom said nothing, but looked sheepish. The last time I saw this person, she was talking to me again. I didn't show any sign that I even remembered the shunning episode.
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  lauralisa

  Hi Orbiting

  Did she actually speak to you or did she make it a point to turn her head away? (Just curious; whether she spoke to you or not will indicate what your "status" is - in her opinion....)

  I am SO SO SO happy to hear of how well you weathered the encounter. You're awesome, in MY opinion! I've had only a couple of chance 'run-ins' with people who've treated me like I'm anathema, and each time was difficult and nerve-wrenching. I've moved to a place where no active JW would know me from Adam (Eve? LOL) and don't have to live in fear of such occurances anymore.

  My heart breaks every time I imagine what it's like for people who still live in communities where they experience these dehumanizing acts of blatant disregard on a regular basis. (It's easier to get mugged in a parking lot by a stranger; at least you don't have to take a thing like that "personally.")

  What an excellent question you asked: "what experience(s) have shown you that you were finally emotionally and intellectually untangling yourself from the WTBTS? For me, "emotionally" untangling is a completely different process than "intellectually" untangling.

  The 'intellectual' part was easy. (Well, it was easy after I took the aluminum-foil hat off.)

  Emotionally, I don't know if there will ever be a clear, solid point in time where I'll be able to declare that matter "resolved." Each individual has their own amount of 'investment' in the Borg - and corresponding amount of betrayal, grief and loss - if and when they manage to get out. I DO know that the quality of my day to day "life" has improved 149,339,9933,99483987498598345982395879283457295 times infinity Percent since I left. I am NOT exaggerating, either.

  It will be interesting to see what others have to say in this thread, and thank you for bringing it up...

  You rock! LOVE, laura
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  OrbitingTheSun

  Laura! Its so good to see you on the board! Hugs and hugs and more hugs from Bo Bikki!

  As for my run in, we didnt speak to each other. I think it was one of those Thumper the Rabbit situations (If you dont have something nice to say, say nothing at all) on both parts. Even though we didnt acknowledge each others presence, we had one of those awkward stuck-in-an-aisle situations where we both tried to go right, then to go left and made it really obvious that we were avoiding each other.

  So, I wasnt forced to have a conversation with her, but I am happy with the fact that I didnt drop everything and run screaming from the store LOL. I dont know if this makes sense..but so much of life is lived inside your own mind, so even if nothing remarkable happens interpersonally, internal calm (no racing heart rate) can mean a lot. So, I am hap-hap-happy about that! Baby steps, baby steps.

  Thanks for responding, and by the way, you totally rock too!