leaving well enough alone

by spider 7 Replies latest jw friends

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  spider

  Its late and I am tired but I'm kinda stirred up. I forgot it could get like this. I left the religion behind and its fine really - nicely in the past - of course I got issues and I get angry sometimes but I left it all behind - all the friends. I still see my family but we have an understanding - we don't talk about the witness stuff. Everything is hunky dorey.

  Its kinda nice not having to deal with my old witness friends - of course you have the fond memories but you don't have to see how they deal with you now - you know - as you are now - as an ex-witness. But then someone e-mails me that I haven't heard of in ages and seems to want to be friends with me - so fine I am not dissed so thats possible. She asks me after a few mails whether I will ever go back to the religion and I tell her. And I know I shouldn't say much and I don't say much but just a little too much if you know what I mean. I knew I had said too much and yet I couldn't help it - its so hard sometimes to hold back.

  Now I get a mail back and she is saying that she doesn't want me talking this way or she will have nothing more to do with me and that I am almost talkin like an apostate.

  What can I do? Of course I can't say any more to her or else caboom - friendship over but more than that - she is in my parents congregation and it could get me into trouble if things were made to spin the wrong way.

  I was in a nice place - I was angry but in a distant - past kind of a way. I get her mail and all of a sudden I am shaking. Its best to leave it in the past. Its best not open veins but you forget don't you? You forget that its just impossible to mention such things. I don't even know what I said really - that I didn't believe the religion was true - that it is damaging. The thing is though that she is happy. I know she needs to be in it right now in many ways - she would lose too much and she has a kid to support on her own - shes better off in it but its wrong right? The religion is wrong and I know it and I just want to say it and for her to see it - its irresistable. So I say too much.

  Now I can't stop thinking about it and I can't sleep - its stirred me up and that was all a distant memory - Sometimes its best to just leave it alone.

  Then I think - maybe she will remember this day - I said that if she ever wanted to talk about the witness stuff that I would be there. I said there was stuff on the internet!!!! Of course she is upset and sad that I've turned all evil but maybe - in some future time she will remember and click - something may happen in her head.

  Thats it - signing off with the thought that sometimes its better to leave well enough alone and wondering if being right is better than being happy?

  oh yeah - I promised her I wouldn't talk about the witness stuff with her again. I wonder how long it will take to figure it out on her own.
• 

  Lee Elder

  It may well be that its impossible to maintain a meaningful relationship with a JW
  in your situation. We are only human.
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  ugg

  how sad for you!!!!!!
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  Crystal

  Are you sure she is happy??
  My family was real good at pretending.

  You handled it right....you left the door open for her.

  How can you be happy if you are doing something that you know is wrong??

  Dont dwell on it ...its not your job to change her.
  She knows what is going on...

  Freewill
• 

  SYN

  There is no happiness in the Society, only control.

  This is why so many Witnesses are so eager for the leash - they have never known anything else.
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  The Alchemist

  Most Witnesses want to keep their head in the sand and think everything is beautiful. She will problably do nothing except grumble to herself a bit and forget you. In time this will pass.
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  belbab

  Spider,

  I can relate to your story. Not knowing all the circumstances of your story, I feel I am not in a position to comment on it.

  But what I will do his give you a bit of my story.

  When woke up and became aware of the truth about the truth, gradually I became marked within the JW organization, and remained so for a number of years to the point that I had only a handful of people I could communicate with. One of these was a single pioneer girl, and we were friends. I knew I was on a disfellowshipping course and she knew it too. The circuit and district servants had a campaign on, to nail me, and finally had to arrange a sting operation to do it. One of these circuit servants was David Splane, now one of governing body. (Do a search on the board here, and find a post about a year ago from me by entering his name).

  My friend and companion told me, You know, if you get disfellowshipped, I will not be able to have anything to do with you. During the time I was marked, she would not even walk down the street with me for fear of being seen by some witness.

  I was disfellowshipped from evidence from false witnesses in the sting operation. I returned three thousand miles to my place of origin, I had no other place to go. My friend and I communicated with several letters, but finally she said she was moving and did not give me her new address, so I concluded she did not want to write anymore.

  Two years later, in the year of our Lord, 1975, I received a letter from her, she needed my friendship, we were married a few months later, and we have been sitting under our own vine and fig tree since then, and none can make us afraid.

  belbab
• 

  SixofNine

  You probably handled it just right. Lee is right however, some friendships are just impossible, considering that we are only human.

  If you wanted to *challenge* her a bit more, I'd work with this :

  Now I get a mail back and she is saying that she doesn't want me talking this way or she will have nothing more to do with me and that I am almost talkin like an apostate.

  You could take on an air of indignation, god knows it would be righteous, and really make her think. Say something along the lines of, "apostate eh? Considering that I know when you use that word, you're using it much like a racist uses the word nigger, it is kind of offensive to hear that from someone who supposedly loves me". Be sure to highlight nigger. Jesus used hyperbole, and you can too. From there, the argument to back up that statement is a pretty easy one to make, as she will go on the defensive.