I am cleaning house for a pending garage sale and started cleaning out the hall closet. Way in the back, covered w/dust, was my big bible and Pioneer book. I sat down on the bed and opened it up.....
What a freak I was!
Nuttin' but underlining and writing! "organization requirements" took up a whole page in the front! You would have thought I owned stock in highlighters and was preparing for the big "Armageddon Final"! ICK!
I called eyegirl cause I knew that she would get a big kick out of it and started to wonder what I ever did w/my Aid book! We laughed when I said the section on repentence was probably worn thru. Got to thinking about the time that I took a trip to S.Dakota w/our grandpa and my brother and I made out with a guy and came home so sick with guilt that I read and read and read. Followed by prayer, wailing, more prayer and more tears! I said worse part was I didn't know who the guy was........then it came back to me........those damn repressed memories!
IT WAS OUR COUSIN!
OMG! The sickness! But in my defense, he wasn't related by blood-just by name! I told eye, grab me the everclear while I sterilize my mouth!
I know what you mean , scooter, I too looked thru all the books, watchtowers, when I did something wrong as a kid. I could have never went to my elder dad, I would have rather faced Jehovah in armeggedon than tell on myself for some really petty sin I commited.
I also remember the nights I prayed and prayed for forgiveness, cried, moaned and wrote poetry to God to show him how sorry I was.
Those repressed memories are hard to face , seems like in my case they would have surfaced along time ago, I still could do without them .I don't wont to remember anymore about the past, it sucked.
What was that Elvis sonabout?...oh, now I now! kissin Cousins
well, scootergirl, don't be too hard on yourself. i think the JWs drive some people do things that they wouldn't normally do just b/c they (the JWs) get your obsessed with what's right and what's wrong..so maybe it comes down to this battle of the id and the moral code. (maybe i'm blowing bs here, but it's a thought.)
I left the organization way back in 1987. Although the build-up that led to my and my family's departure had been going on for a few years, it was in August, 1987 that we attended our last meeting. I still drive the old "74 Plymouth that I always drove to the meetings and that I've owned for over 20 years....it seems to be part of my image and I just can't bring myself get rid of it. It's out-lived every car I've ever had and will probably out-live 2 or 3 more. Now in the trunk of the old Plymouth, the briefcase that contained all the books and magazines and materials that we needed for the meetings still resides, and has been pretty much undisturbed for the last 15 years. It has the study Watchtowers for a few weeks; the Tuesday study books; Kingdom Ministries for a couple of months; songbooks for the family; green Bibles; field service materials; some small toys and Golden Books that we'd sneak into the Hall for our sons who were still babies at the time. Just everything that a witness needs to survive the meetings. Over the years, I've opened it up maybe 3 times when I've been in a reminiscing mood, and, Scooter, you're right--- I think "What a freak I was....." I can't believe that I did all that. But even more than that, it makes me feel very sad. I was raised in the Truth, as was my wife, and our whole life up to that point is in that briefcase, and I get an overwhelming feeling of sadness whenever I open it. I guess that's why I don't look in there very often. It just stays in the trunk as a reminder, I suppose, of the hell that the Society put us through. My 4 kids were pretty young when we left, and I've noticed that they still have some problems from it all, as do I, but all in all, we're doing very well and feel so thankful to be free of it. That's something else that that briefcase reminds me of. Thanks for starting the thread.
