Young hearts around the world are saddened as the truth of Santa Claus was finally leaked to the children of the world. For many years, Watchtower and Awake have been warning of the impending demise of the portly fellow. Many have thought him to be just a mythical character in history, but his passing has shown that he was indeed a real person and was noted for trying to endear himself to the children of the world, often causing Jehovahs Witnesses much distress.
According to medical authorities, he died from brown lung caused by too many years of sitting behind 8 reindeer and inhaling noxious fumes emitted from feeding them too much caramel and popcorn balls. High altitude sickness was also a contributing factor.
Any wishing to make contributions to his widow and surviving elves should make their checks payable to and mail them directly to the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society, Brooklyn, New York. The fine honest brethren of the Watchtower Society will ensure the prompt delivery of all monies to the family.