Part 3 --- What the heck happened?

by Jourles 7 Replies latest jw friends

  • Jourles
    Jourles

    ....was the question I kept asking myself while flying home from Seattle. I swear I must have been suspicious looking to other people around me as I was quite skiddish and nervous while on the flight. It took a while for everything to sink in from when I had left CA. Even when I stayed at my hotel, I never once turned on the TV. I just laid there in bed crunching all of the information and replaying the scenes from the brewery and the bowling alley over and over. "Did I say anything that would have gotten me into severe trouble with the elders back home?" It's not like I cared if I was to get into trouble, but I was more concerned with what Tad had told John and if John would have relayed that information to bro Ball in my hall. Everything hinged on what Tad said.

    When I finally got home, my wife was ecstatic to see me as I had been gone for quite a while. {I don't know about anyone else, but when I know I have to travel for work, I get excited because to me it is like going on a fully paid vacation; especially when I get to go to places like Orlando for training! But after about 5 days or so, I get really homesick and am dying to get home. More than two weeks, and I get pissed that I am not at home yet.} She asked me how was my trip and what I did and if I got into trouble while I was gone. It took me a few extra seconds to register the part about getting into trouble, but then I remembered that is what we always talk about jokingly to each other when either one of us goes out of town. Kind of like saying point blank, "Did you hire a hooker while you were away?" or, "Did you get bombed at a bar, get pulled over and get a DUI?" That is our definition of trouble. Yes it was fun, no I did not get into trouble("I don't know for sure yet" is what I could have said). She said nothing new happened while I was away. That was somewhat of a relief. I knew I wasn't in the clear yet until I attended my next meeting and saw bro Ball.

    I managed to steer clear of going to the meetings until the next Sunday. Enough time to prepare myself for what could happen if I managed to get a free trip into the library. To make things a little easier on myself, or to lessen my chances of speaking with any of the elders is more like it, I intentionally made us late to the meeting after the talk had already started. I had also convinced my wife to leave right after the WT study so that we could get to someplace we needed to get to before it closed. During the public talk, I saw bro Ball get up out of his chair and walk towards the back of the hall. Didn't think anything about it. Ten seconds later a hand came to rest on my left shoulder. Bro Ball was bent over handing me a piece of paper folded in half. Talk about my heart rate shooting past 150. My hands were actually shaking as I opened the piece of paper. It said, "Could we please chat with you after the wt study in the library?" I think you already know how I felt after reading that. No need to explain this one.

    For the rest of the meeting, I kept thinking about what I was going to do and how I was going to explain whatever it was they were going to bring up. The note said "we." That meant he was planning to talk with me with at least another elder present. I knew I had to squirm out of this one way or another. That also meant taking out the 'two witnesses.' I focused on that the most rather than thinking about how I was going to defend myself. I wanted to play their game and beat them at it. Towards the end of the wt study, I was pumped up and ready to go. Right after the prayer, bro Ball looked back at me and motioned to the rear of the hall with his head. I nodded in agreement and started walking back looking for any other elders making their way back to the library too. Sure enough, bro Dickey was chatting with Ball and walking with him at the same time. There's two, any more? We got back to the door of the room and I stopped. Bro Ball said to go on in. I asked him if it was ok for me to talk with him alone without having bro Dickey there too. Ball looked at Dickey and said, "Ummmm....well, uh, we would like to talk with you together if that is alright?"

    Me: To tell you the truth, I would feel more comfortable just talking with you Ball.

    Ball: Umm, well I was planning on having bro Dickey join us.

    Me: I'm not sure what you are planning to discuss with me, but still, I would prefer to just talk with you Ball.

    Ball: Well, lets just go in and sit down and if bro Dickey makes you feel uncomfortable he can leave us alone to talk. Would that be ok with you Dickey?

    Dickey: That's fine.

    Me: {trying to be very polite here} Look, my wife and I were planning on going to ********* before they close today because we needed to get some ********. We really don't have much time and I'm afraid we won't make it if I stay and chat.

    Ball: Alright, no problem. How about we hook up sometime this week to visit you and your wife at your home? Kind of make it a shepherding visit at the same time? {I was going to make damn sure this didn't happen}

    Me: If you want to make it brief, I can stay here and chat with you. But I just ask that Dickey not be present. {motioning to Dickey}---> Nothing against you bro Dickey!

    Ball: {Looking at Dickey first then to me but talking to me} Well, I guess I can talk with you real quick so that I don't keep you here too long.

    Me: Ok.

    So we go inside the library and sit down. Ball starts off quickly and says that he received a phone call the other week from an elder in the Bay area. The elder(John) was concerned about me and was wanting to know if I was having any trouble at home. John mentioned that Tad had told him about me and my inactive status and was just acting on Tad's behalf since we were such good friends a long time ago. Ball asked me how I felt about that. I just said that it was nice of John to inquire about my welfare seeing that he didn't even know me. It's a small world afterall! Bro Ball said that he was concerned too since I was not active in the ministry or had signed up to be on the school. He asked if I needed any help to go out in service or if it would be ok to assign me to a pioneer brother to help me out. I said I would think about it and let him know sometime. I told him that my work keeps me from doing quite a few things(like going to the meetings) and that with my messed up schedule it would be almost rude of me to take on any privledges in the hall like giving talks or anything else since I could be pulled away for work at any time. He said that it would not be rude and that if it were to happen, they would just ask for a volunteer to take my place. Man, this guy had an answer to everything. I told him I would think about it and get back to him on that too. He asked if I had any questions for him, "like any doctrinal issues, family matters, or whatever else" I "may be having problems with." Me: "Nope, none at all."

    I had to ask him, I just had to. "So, what else did John say or ask about me?" Ball said, "Not much. He said your friend out there was concerned about you and he wanted to know if everything was fine here. You must have a really good friend looking out for you for him to ask one of his elders to check up on your health." My health, right. That was pretty much the extent of our conversation and my wife and I left. She asked me what we talked about and I just told her they were trying to get me on the school.

    I called my parents later that evening and my mother brought up that she spoke with Tad's mom a little while ago. It seems that she was looking for our address and congregational information. She didn't say why I guess, and my mom didn't ask - wierd? She must trust her fairly well. So my folks didn't know anything, that was a relief.

    All in all, I think I escaped a 'what could have been' near fatal collision with the elders. It seems that Tad did not disclose part of our little chat about me saying that I do not agree with many of the org's doctrines. Who knows? It still may get me later if he decides to bring it up to good ol' Johnny boy. I guess I will have to wait it out and see. But it feels as if a great weight has been lifted knowing now that my elders are still the pushovers that they are. None of our elders seem to have a backbone, except for maybe the PO. I don't know if I would want to tangle with him. He seems to be the type who would fight back with me rather than taking the humble approach. I'll keep everyone up to date if anything new arises.

  • onacruse
    onacruse

    A fishing expedition, like the several to which I was "invited."

    I'm not a betting man, but I would lay money on this that they won't let you off the hook until you are "back in" or else. WTS has entered (ala early 80s) another "witch-hunt" phase, and folk like you are prime targets.

    Good luck, and my best wishes!

    Craig

  • ugg
    ugg

    "scarey"

  • abbagail
    abbagail

    Jourles: I don't know if you are just a gifted writer, or if it's that you have such juicy stories to tell, but I am hanging off the edge of my chair for the next chapter. (Your stories may rival Amazing's one of these days!) As a matter of fact, I was so enthralled in the story, I had to back-track to see what your whole situation was about, and ended up reading almost a full page of threads you have started. Excellent info! And I loved the Memorial (One Partaker) thread.

    I agree with Onacruse. I wouldn't let out a sigh of relief yet. Of course I have no way of knowing anything, but it seems the overall atmosphere is to pin down the "wanderers." Your BOE may have much more in store for you. With your techie know-how, will you be bugging your home with microphones or cameras for that shepherding call?

    Also, are you saying your wife has not a clue as to your feelings? That would have to be really tough to pull off, I would think.

    Have you felt like calling Tad yet to ask what the hay he was thinking when he felt he had to share your "ill health" with his elder/John?

    I thought it was interesting your friend Tad had a few drinks before showing up at the bowling alley. I wonder if he was NERVOUS about what he had done? and needed a little "something" to relax before arriving at the bowling alley to FACE you? His snotty wife's comment about not feeling well -- bull! I don't buy that one bit. It was nothing but suspicious JW self-righteousness on her part as I'm sure she knew what her hubbie/Tad had done (calling all around about you, etc.)

    I was cringing in my seat reading the Bowling Alley conversation. How creepy to be interrogated like that. It wouldn't be so bad if it was SINCERE, but we all now know that is not the way it is when the Dick Tracy Squad kicks into gear. The war has been declared on the "doubters" "questioners" "apostos" etc.

    It really IS creepy how anywhere we go, the JWs can find out everything about us. The thread at this forum, "Secret Files" the congregations have on us, I found quite revealing.

    And no disrespect intended at all, but I had trouble believing your Mom didn't chit-chat more with Tad's mother. Women ARE gabbers. They can't help themselves. We also ask questions questions questions. If someone called me wanting info about a relative, I would be asking lots of questions, especially if they were friends already. However, the ONLY reason she may not have asked/offered more info, is if she feels guilty or suspicious or "shame" in front of these witness friends (Tad's parents) if Tad's parents acted at all like "something was up" with you. In that case, your Mom would likely play it up, as in, "All is WONDERFUL, Jourles is doing JUST FINE, WHY do you ask?"

    Also, it really irked me how Ball kept sleezily (like a serpent) pushing for Dickey to come into the back room, too. I mean, how many times did you have to politely state your feelings on it? And Ball just kept ignoring you ("Well, how about if we let Bro. Dickey come on in, and THEN if you feel uncomfortable, THEN we can ask him to leave..." -- What a bunch of crock. If Dickey had gotten into the room, you would probably NOT have been able to get him OUT of there. Game players.) All's well that ends well. You really DID stick to your guns. That was really KEWL!

    And, when Ball spoke with you in the back room... I just LOVE how they NOW are asking if you need help in service, or need a pioneer to study with, etc. etc. Like WHERE HAVE THEY BEEN for the past year or so? (or ever how long you said you have been inactive, missing meetings, etc.) The saying, "Better Late Than Never," does not work in cases like this.

    Whoever made the KGB comment above -- good one!

    Whatever happens from here on in, I do hope you can "call the shots" and have the outcome as you desire. As the song goes, "Breaking Up is Hard To Do." Seems "Fading Away" is even harder!

    Looking forward to any future reports from the frontlines.

    Grits

  • FreeFallin
    FreeFallin

    Dear Jourles,

    My heart was in my throat too, when you got the note to come back for a "little chat." What right do they have to keep people in fear like that. Glad you got out of it, but like the others have said, it's probably not over. Does your wife have doubts as well?

    Free

  • Jourles
    Jourles

    Hey, thanks for the comments peoples. It means a lot to me to hear that other folks can relate to what I am going through.

    Grits, you brought up quite a few questions that I had asked myself too. The short answer is, I haven't spoken with Tad since I left CA, and I do not plan on speaking with him for quite a while. Tad's wife was probably ill from knowing that I was having doubts and I expressed them to her husband, who in turn probably told her. It must have been that self-righteous flu that has been going around. I also do not believe that my mother freely gave my info away without asking what it was all about. She just did not let on to me personally that she knew what was going on. Ball and Dickey are quite the pushovers in my hall. Like I said before, the only elder that has the gonads is the PO. As long as he does not get invloved, I should be ok. Yes, my wife certainly knows of my stance. For the last year or so, I have only sent her articles from news sources on the web. I never speak to her 'one-on-one' about my doubts. If I do, that usually results with crying on her part and a severe guilt trip following closely behind. I would much rather let her see how the 'world' views the jw beliefs instead of having me turn out to be the bad guy.

    Freefallin asked if my wife has doubts as well. I thought she might have been coming around, but as of just yesterday, she wrote me a letter back attached to a news article I had sent to her and she vigilantly reaffirmed her stance within the org.

  • Xander
    Xander

    Wow - interesting reading.

    So many of the tales like this read as if an espionage thriller - it's really interesting to read. Sadly, I have little to contribute. My entering the borg (born into) and leaving (pretty swift drift-away) are rather uneventful.

    she vigilantly reaffirmed her stance within the org

    That's hard.

    I was lucky - my wife was just as interested in leaving as I was. It kind of made for an interesting few months, though. When we both (obviously) felt the need to leave, but couldn't risk telling each other or asking each other what we REALLY thought about the org (we left for different reasons, which made it interesting - she found faults with the org I had not even noticed/cared about, and I was finding conspiracies that she didn't know about/care about).

  • Xander
    Xander

    Adding:

    Not sure if it is true in your case. But, in retrospect, my wife probably wanted 'out' farther back than her spirituality waning was obvious.

    (I was a fairly strong JW, and when I decided to go, it was a fairly quick process - I don't like being lied to.)

    IOW, she was feeling something missing, but was always taught from infancy onward that any problem could be solved by 'being more spiritual-minded'. So any arguments we had were because we didn't pray enough. Any doubts she might have had were because we weren't studying enough, etc.

    Sort of, a programmed reaction due to their brainwashing. She was having what she was taught were 'wrong thoughts' and was having the programmed reaction to try and be more spiritual. The end result, of course, was a person who LOOKED like they were trying to be an uber-witness while, to themselves, they were dying to be free of it (although I know she would not even admit that to herself at the time).

    In the end, the programming just broke down (as it tends to do when you miss too many of their little brainwashing sessions - and they know it, hence the emphasis on always making the meetings!), and her decision to leave came before mine. Although, still carrying a lot of JW baggage, she wouldn't express that directly to me.

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