....was the question I kept asking myself while flying home from Seattle. I swear I must have been suspicious looking to other people around me as I was quite skiddish and nervous while on the flight. It took a while for everything to sink in from when I had left CA. Even when I stayed at my hotel, I never once turned on the TV. I just laid there in bed crunching all of the information and replaying the scenes from the brewery and the bowling alley over and over. "Did I say anything that would have gotten me into severe trouble with the elders back home?" It's not like I cared if I was to get into trouble, but I was more concerned with what Tad had told John and if John would have relayed that information to bro Ball in my hall. Everything hinged on what Tad said.
When I finally got home, my wife was ecstatic to see me as I had been gone for quite a while. {I don't know about anyone else, but when I know I have to travel for work, I get excited because to me it is like going on a fully paid vacation; especially when I get to go to places like Orlando for training! But after about 5 days or so, I get really homesick and am dying to get home. More than two weeks, and I get pissed that I am not at home yet.} She asked me how was my trip and what I did and if I got into trouble while I was gone. It took me a few extra seconds to register the part about getting into trouble, but then I remembered that is what we always talk about jokingly to each other when either one of us goes out of town. Kind of like saying point blank, "Did you hire a hooker while you were away?" or, "Did you get bombed at a bar, get pulled over and get a DUI?" That is our definition of trouble. Yes it was fun, no I did not get into trouble("I don't know for sure yet" is what I could have said). She said nothing new happened while I was away. That was somewhat of a relief. I knew I wasn't in the clear yet until I attended my next meeting and saw bro Ball.
I managed to steer clear of going to the meetings until the next Sunday. Enough time to prepare myself for what could happen if I managed to get a free trip into the library. To make things a little easier on myself, or to lessen my chances of speaking with any of the elders is more like it, I intentionally made us late to the meeting after the talk had already started. I had also convinced my wife to leave right after the WT study so that we could get to someplace we needed to get to before it closed. During the public talk, I saw bro Ball get up out of his chair and walk towards the back of the hall. Didn't think anything about it. Ten seconds later a hand came to rest on my left shoulder. Bro Ball was bent over handing me a piece of paper folded in half. Talk about my heart rate shooting past 150. My hands were actually shaking as I opened the piece of paper. It said, "Could we please chat with you after the wt study in the library?" I think you already know how I felt after reading that. No need to explain this one.
For the rest of the meeting, I kept thinking about what I was going to do and how I was going to explain whatever it was they were going to bring up. The note said "we." That meant he was planning to talk with me with at least another elder present. I knew I had to squirm out of this one way or another. That also meant taking out the 'two witnesses.' I focused on that the most rather than thinking about how I was going to defend myself. I wanted to play their game and beat them at it. Towards the end of the wt study, I was pumped up and ready to go. Right after the prayer, bro Ball looked back at me and motioned to the rear of the hall with his head. I nodded in agreement and started walking back looking for any other elders making their way back to the library too. Sure enough, bro Dickey was chatting with Ball and walking with him at the same time. There's two, any more? We got back to the door of the room and I stopped. Bro Ball said to go on in. I asked him if it was ok for me to talk with him alone without having bro Dickey there too. Ball looked at Dickey and said, "Ummmm....well, uh, we would like to talk with you together if that is alright?"
Me: To tell you the truth, I would feel more comfortable just talking with you Ball.
Ball: Umm, well I was planning on having bro Dickey join us.
Me: I'm not sure what you are planning to discuss with me, but still, I would prefer to just talk with you Ball.
Ball: Well, lets just go in and sit down and if bro Dickey makes you feel uncomfortable he can leave us alone to talk. Would that be ok with you Dickey?
Dickey: That's fine.
Me: {trying to be very polite here} Look, my wife and I were planning on going to ********* before they close today because we needed to get some ********. We really don't have much time and I'm afraid we won't make it if I stay and chat.
Ball: Alright, no problem. How about we hook up sometime this week to visit you and your wife at your home? Kind of make it a shepherding visit at the same time? {I was going to make damn sure this didn't happen}
Me: If you want to make it brief, I can stay here and chat with you. But I just ask that Dickey not be present. {motioning to Dickey}---> Nothing against you bro Dickey!
Ball: {Looking at Dickey first then to me but talking to me} Well, I guess I can talk with you real quick so that I don't keep you here too long.
Me: Ok.
So we go inside the library and sit down. Ball starts off quickly and says that he received a phone call the other week from an elder in the Bay area. The elder(John) was concerned about me and was wanting to know if I was having any trouble at home. John mentioned that Tad had told him about me and my inactive status and was just acting on Tad's behalf since we were such good friends a long time ago. Ball asked me how I felt about that. I just said that it was nice of John to inquire about my welfare seeing that he didn't even know me. It's a small world afterall! Bro Ball said that he was concerned too since I was not active in the ministry or had signed up to be on the school. He asked if I needed any help to go out in service or if it would be ok to assign me to a pioneer brother to help me out. I said I would think about it and let him know sometime. I told him that my work keeps me from doing quite a few things(like going to the meetings) and that with my messed up schedule it would be almost rude of me to take on any privledges in the hall like giving talks or anything else since I could be pulled away for work at any time. He said that it would not be rude and that if it were to happen, they would just ask for a volunteer to take my place. Man, this guy had an answer to everything. I told him I would think about it and get back to him on that too. He asked if I had any questions for him, "like any doctrinal issues, family matters, or whatever else" I "may be having problems with." Me: "Nope, none at all."
I had to ask him, I just had to. "So, what else did John say or ask about me?" Ball said, "Not much. He said your friend out there was concerned about you and he wanted to know if everything was fine here. You must have a really good friend looking out for you for him to ask one of his elders to check up on your health." My health, right. That was pretty much the extent of our conversation and my wife and I left. She asked me what we talked about and I just told her they were trying to get me on the school.
I called my parents later that evening and my mother brought up that she spoke with Tad's mom a little while ago. It seems that she was looking for our address and congregational information. She didn't say why I guess, and my mom didn't ask - wierd? She must trust her fairly well. So my folks didn't know anything, that was a relief.
All in all, I think I escaped a 'what could have been' near fatal collision with the elders. It seems that Tad did not disclose part of our little chat about me saying that I do not agree with many of the org's doctrines. Who knows? It still may get me later if he decides to bring it up to good ol' Johnny boy. I guess I will have to wait it out and see. But it feels as if a great weight has been lifted knowing now that my elders are still the pushovers that they are. None of our elders seem to have a backbone, except for maybe the PO. I don't know if I would want to tangle with him. He seems to be the type who would fight back with me rather than taking the humble approach. I'll keep everyone up to date if anything new arises.