They really should change the voice mail at Bethel.......I'm more than willing to help out and they could use the following as a guideline:
You have reached the voice mailbox for the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society. Due to our inability to deal with problems and/or criticism we have decided to ignore your call at this time, but if you want to leave a message please choose one of the following options:
If you are an elder and have just molested a child, please press #1;
If you are an elder and someone has complained that a co-elder sexually molested them, please press #2.
If you are a victim of child abuse within the Organization, please hang up now.
If you wish to donate your money to the Organization, please listen to the following options:
- for amounts of $250,000 or more, please press any key and one of the Governing Body members will give you a written guarantee of Everlasting Life.
- for amounts of $100,000 or more, please press 0' on your phone and you will be connected to a greedy Christian within seconds;
- for amounts between $25,000 and $99,999, please press 00' and leave a message as to when you'll be delivering the loot;
- for amounts between $5,000 and $24,999 we would like to ask you to dig down deep and get those greenbacks out. Remember, God loves a cheerful giver.
- for amounts under $5,000, please hang up now and call back when you have more.
If you would like to complain about how our changing doctrines have ruined your life, please press #4;
If you are a wholesaler and have a good deal on Depends for our Governing Body members, please press #5;
For depression, please go out in service and pray more;
If you've practiced oral sex on your mate, please come straight to Bethel and show us exactly what you did;
If you think you are possessed by Satan, please press #666 now;
If you are a cross-dresser and would like to be part of the Governing Body, please call 1-800-J.R. BROWN for details;
If you are a lawyer for Bill Bowan or Barbara Anderson, please hang up now.
For all other inquiries, please wait on Jehovah and He'll be with you shortly.