switching the resentment

by Atillathejew 4 Replies latest watchtower medical

  • Atillathejew
    Atillathejew

    For years I was in a state of depression that was so intense I attempted suicide a number of times and grew dependent on crystal Meth. I blamed this entirely on my family particulary my mother for shunning me for leaving the org. You can only hear "you will die in the end" so many times. But through my haze of drug induced insomnia I did a lot of research, went to college and picked up many "liberal" ideas at least "liberal" in the eyes of J.W.'s. Such as Women are equal, How the hell is adultery worse than child abuse and sexual battery? For years I related these feelings to my mother and now she has left and finally is happy and living an exciting life. But somehow I feel resentfull towards my mother for acquiring such a happy life so fricken fast. Here I am 8 years out of the loop unable to cope with my insecurities for leaving. I am an absolute social outcast because of my upbringing. I mean shit I am 26 and still cant hold a relationship for more than 2 weeks, I don't look people in the eye, I tear out all of my body hairs, I am an alcoholic, and I am unbearably shy when it comes to approaching women. And in the span of 1 month after leaving my mother who for years told me of my imminent death, gets an exciting life, has a great relationship, and feels absolutely no guilt!!!!!!

    How did she do that? And why am I so mad at her? Should I be? Anyone else with similar situations?

  • StinkyPantz
    StinkyPantz

    You story is like so many here. But don't worry this is a great place to come for support. This site literally saved my life! I learned SO much and just reading the stories and realizing that so many have been in my shoes makes me feel so much better.

    Try not to worry, you'll make it through this, we'll help!

  • LyinEyes
    LyinEyes

    If your mother loves you, if she calls you, if she tries to be part of your life, forgive her. She was brainwashed as much as any of us were. She did what she thought was right and you helped her to have a new life. What a gift you gave her, I am sure she is happy and free. Let her be happy and free, join her.......I am just saying, I am a little jealous that I didnt get that chance with my mom. I am sorry you are having trouble adjusting and she is going on about her life. But really we all have to take control of our own happiness. And I bet if you looked very deeply into how you mother feels you will no doubt find that she does feel guilty. I feel guilty for being a JW so long and my 15 yr old son missing out on so much. I can never make up for that, I can never have him his 1 yr old birthday party , that passed and we missed out on it. He understands and forgives me, we talk openly about how we all were brainwashed, I was raised JW and knew no other way. But I am doing my best to make it up to him now,,,,,,,,,,, let your mom make it up to you if she wants to. But you have to really let her talk, and you talk to her. Life is too short to let the past cloud a wonderful and happy life you two can share. Sorry dont mean to sound preachy,,,,,,,,, I am not like that at all....... I just don't want it to be too late for you to make peace with your mom. I also know that somethings just can not be fixed,,,,,,, but you never know until you try.

  • Atillathejew
    Atillathejew

    By no means do I hate my mother. I have forgiven, I don't feel I missed out because I made many dear friends from the hall. Some have left the organization along with me and some have ridden their friendship from me. I guess what I am saying is that I haven't adjusted fully because I was raised in it and my mother wasn't. So I guess she awakened as if from a bad dream and I was kind of thrown into the mix not really knowing how to act in the "world". I don't look down on this world I just can't adjust and I am sort of upset that my mother found it so easy to adjust. I have lots of friends who like me for me, even though I am the "weird one" or the "crazy" one. Anyways just finding this forum and writing in it brings back a lot weird tense feelings. I still feel I am doing something wrong by even acknoledging the fact that I have left, I don't know I am just really confused. But for the love of Pete, it has been 8 years!!!!!

  • LyinEyes
    LyinEyes

    Really you don't sound so different from alot of us on this board. Leaving the JW"S especially after being raised in it is extreamly difficult I have only been out a year after being raised in it. I have been thru every imaginable emotion and many at the same time. You sound like you will be just fine. I know I am crazy,,,lol I embrace that I am different because of my childhood and I can even laugh about some of it now. I can tell you leaving the religion you were raised in is very similar to a death. It really is in away, a death of your old life, your belief, trust and faith. So you would understand if you lost a loved on in death how you would feel, all the many steps of grieving and you know it takes years to adjust and you never get over it. That is just the way I feel, when I lost my religion I felt even a part of me died. There is still a void there, I just am hopeful that one day, I will fill it. If not , I intend on making the most of my days I have here on earth.

    I am no expert , everyone deals with things differently, but I like to share how I feel because I know others sharing their expericence helped me. It helped me to see that others felt just like I did, confused and just wanting to vent. So please tell how you feel, you will find it really helps and you will in a year from now, look back and see how far you have come.

    And the amount of time it takes to get adjust varies from person to person and circumstances they where in. Just to help you understand where I am coming from and why I say this, my mom died 16 yrs ago, and I am still adjusting to her absence. I will never get over her death , and I will never stop missing her. Some days are good and some days I fall apart....... and from my many friends here they say that is ok, and they don't mind hearing me vent, cry , laugh or whatever crazy mood I may be in at the moment. Wishing you comfort and happiness,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Dede

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