A memory of Mom and Dad

nilfun

One evening, Mom and Dad told my cousin
and I to get ready, we were going to buy some new
shoes. I was not particularly thrilled about
this, since Mom usually picked out some sensible shoes
for me (she called them 'wallabies' and how I hated those shoes!).

We drove to the local shopping center and when we
got there Dad left us, saying that he would be back to
meet up with us in a few minutes. So Mom, my cousin
and I started walking towards the shoe store. But when
we reached the store, instead of going inside, Mom led
us right past, and we kept on walking. I looked
up at Mom with a questioning face, but she wouldn't
look at me. She just kept on walking, looking straight
ahead with a blank expression. My cousin and I looked
at each other. What in the Sam Hill was going on?
Uh oh, something's wrong I thought and started feeling a
bit worried.

As we were walking, we had to squeeze past
a long row of people who were waiting in line at the theater.
When we reached the end of the line Mom stopped and got
in line, placing my cousin and I in front of her, gently
resting her hands on our shoulders. Then Dad showed up
and said quietly, "Surprise." In his hand were four tickets.
My cousin and I looked at each other again, then started
jumping up and down excitedly as it finally dawned on us:

We were going to see Star Wars!!!
I was in heaven, thrilled, on cloud nine, you name it.

My parents were far from perfect, making a lot of hurtful
mistakes with us kids, and by that time their marriage was already
disintegrating. In a few short years, my family would be
broken up, with Dad going his own way . As a consequence,
for a brief period of time we kids were scattered here and there
among various friends and relatives while Mom was
trying to figure out how she was going to raise us on her own.

There were some things they did as parents that I've
sworn I will never do to my children. But there were
some things that they got right.

Like that night.
That night they were my heroes.
I'll never forget that.

larc

Hers is my favorite memory. When I was ten years old, I woke up one morning to hear the school bus go by. My mother had not awakened me, and dad had taken the day off work. They took me and my sister to a park overlooking a lake and just enjoyed the day, with a nice picnic. It was great.

HappyHeathen

My mom was pretty cool for a dub. I grew up in the sixties when the Borg was beginning to criticize pop music and rock n' roll. But, driving to and from the meetings, she never said a word when we changed the radio to our favorite rock station (at that time KRLA from Los Angeles). She even kept time to the Beatles by tapping on the steering wheel. I loved that about her!

nilfun

The evil that men do lives after them,
The good is oft interred with their bones...

-W. Shakespeare

Thanks for sharing those memories

outoftheorg

Memories of childhood;

I grew up in the 1940 war time situations. My older brother in prison for obeying the wbts ban on any military service. Even though he was offered alternative service in a large hospital. My parents were older than most, Dad was 56 when I was born. My mom had a nervous breakdown when I was born. My oldest sister had just had a child out of wedlock and my father had a stroke. Now this didn't happen just because I was born! So no smart remarks here! But it was not a good time to come into a world at war. My 16 yr old sister raised me for the first few years of life. My mother was a rabid jw my father could care less about religion. The only thing we ever did was go out in service. No vacations no trips no picknicks no nothing. My fathers family were all in Norway and my mothers family would not have anything to do with her "us" due to the religion and my mother having my oldest sister out of wedlock. Her dad disowned her and threw her out at 18 yrs of age. So there were no grand parents no uncles/aunts no cousins to be a part of the family.

I was fed and clothed and not verbaly or physicaly abused. I was just there and tolerated. Never praised or any special events just for me. There was no sexual abuse in the family. I could never do enough to please my mother regarding the religion. I do not recall any events that stand out in my mind until I was around 14 yr old and mom dad and I would go to town on the first of the month when dads navy pension arrived and eat in a restaurant.

We only associated with jw's and even then at a young age I didn't find them all that kind or accepting. There always seemed to be a kind of wall there.

I grew up not liking my mother. When I got older and looked back on things I understood more about life and realized that mom and dad did the best they knew how and were able to do given their age- the turmoil they were in and my mothers guilt over her illegitimate child and the illegitimate child my older sister had. I am sure that being a jw and dealing with these things are what caused the breakdown and her guilt problems. My dads age and ill health limited the things he could do with me as a child. I no longer hold anything against them. They were victims of life and the wbts and the cold hearted actions of some people. I only wish I could somehow express this to them now.

If one has bad feelings for their parents for sexual abuse or physical abuse or abandonment I don't know how this could be forgiven. But if we hold bad feelings due to out parents being jw's or the trials of life I recommend that we take another look at their circumstances and give them some slack.

So even though I don't have any hilights that stand out in my mind about good times as a child I am satisfied that it could have been much worse and It was not all bad.

nilfun

Outoftheorg wrote:

"So even though I don't have any hilights that stand out in my mind about good times as a child I am satisfied that it could have been much worse and It was not all bad."

I sit here with tears in my eyes,
moved by your words.

((((Outoftheorg))))

(I hope that hug was ok)

outoftheorg

Thanks Nilfun the hug was welcome.

So many here and elsewhere have had much worse child experiences. So when I think of my own I am fortunate in some ways that mine was not worse. I feel my parents were basicly good people with a heavy load of trauma and misfortune to carry. I think the wbts teachings and demands just added to the trauma and guilt and for my mom it took up so much of her time and energy that she had none left for her family or herself.

I hope you and others can lessen the trauma and load of childhood as time goes on. This forum has helped me see the lives of others are also difficult but they survive and carry on. It has helped me a lot more than I expected.

Outoftheorg

TheSurvivor

It seems that things tend to go in a cycle. Children always say they will not do to their kids, what their parents did to them. Being raised in the truth by a mom, and having a dad pulling you the other way was not easy. You would not believe some of the mind games I was subjected to......"You can go hunting with your dad....you just cannot enjoy it," comes to mind right away. At least my boys were not raised this way. Even though I was still "in the truth," they were raised doing many things that were not exactly "approved" of in the collective.....Hunting, paintball games, trap shooting, missing meetings to go camping, and the rifle range all come to mind. Not to mention the fact that I would allow them to watch R rated movies. (AFTER I had previewed them.) I always reminded them that they were NOT allowed to watch movies with sex and violence in them....they had to pick one or the other. <G> It was not easy bringing up three boys and at the same time being their "buddy." But we have always enjoyed each others company, and there is not a dirty toothless biker in the bunch, (no offense to any dirty toothless bikers that might be here <G>) so I guess I could have done worse.

TheSurvivor

garybuss

Only on reflection do I seem to see reality. In the present I am rationalizing, justifying, internalizing, projecting, and trying to be comfortable where I am and with who I am with.

On reflection, I had to be a disappointing son and brother. I didn't blindly obey or conform or follow. I didn't respect the unrespectable or honor the un-honorable. I was opinionated and vocal and defied authority.

I wasn't a good father or husband either. At the time I thought I was fine but I wasn't. I am proud of my sons. They did fine in spite of me.

I do think of my relatives sometimes. The last time my brother spoke to me, June 1992, he told me I represented everything in the world he hated. The last time my mother talked to me, January of 1995, she told me if she had known I was unhappy with their abuse as a child they would have put me in a foster home.

So this is how it has all ended for me.

gb

nilfun

TheSurvivor,

You sound like a great parent.
Thumbs up on missing meetings to
take your children camping. That
IMHO, was more important than anything
they would have been taught in the KH.

garybuss,

I was struck by what your Mom said to you.
Her response was cold, comfortless...

I get a physical sensation similar to being
punched in the stomach when I am confronted
with stories, memories (including my own)
that reveal a desolate childhood.

This feeling is begining to twist itself
up into another feeling -anger.

This question has been asked over and over
again, and I will apologize to any who
may be tired of hearing it again but:

How can someone abandon (physically, spiritually,
emotionally) their own flesh and blood?!?!?!

I have been pressing a still JW family member
for a response to this. She does not shun me
and says she never will, but how can she
reconcile staying in an organization that teaches this?

I have refrained from being critical
of JW Inc. when we are together because. I. Don't. Want. To. Lose. Her.

Is this "double-life" I'm experiencing
any different from what I was doing while
attending the KH?

I sense that I am rapidly approaching
a crossroads, where my two lives will
merge as one.

This idea is frightening for me.

A memory of Mom and Dad

Share this