In the first book of the Bible, Guinness, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off and this is what happened.........
-- Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
-- Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.
-- Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.
-- Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
-- The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.
-- Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.
-- Samson slayed the Philistines with the ax of the Apostles.
-- Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.
-- The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten amendments.
-- The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
-- The fifth commandment is to humor thy father and mother.
-- The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
-- Moses died before he ever reached Canada.
-- The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
-- David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought the
Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
-- Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
-- When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
-- When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.
-- Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
-- St. John, the blacksmith, dumped water on Jesus' head.
-- Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you.
-- He also explained, "man does not live by sweat alone."
-- It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
-- The people who followed the Lord were called the decibels.
-- The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
-- One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
-- St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
-- A Christian should have only one spouse. This is called monotony.
love ya
nic'