JW says the real truth

by kenpodragon 9 Replies latest jw friends

  • kenpodragon
    kenpodragon

    I loved this one movie with Jim Carry called "Liar Liar" and I always wished I could make the Witnesses tell the truth in field service, just for one day. Think about it, it would sound something like this.

    <knocking>

    Householder <woman> : Hello

    Witness : How are you today?

    Householder : Fine

    Witness : Well what I am doing today is knocking on all the doors in your neighborhood to tell everyone they are all dead meat unless they talk to me and learn the truth about my religion, so how does it feel to be a walking corpse.

    Householder : Is this some sort of joke?

    Witness : No, not at all ... I do this all the time, in fact I am a regular Pioneer of this message.

    Householder : Pioneer, what?

    Witness : Well you see, so that I look good and have more power, I go out preaching this message 80 hours a month. Really though I only do about 20 and write down that I do 80. I spend the rest of the time surfing porn on the internet.

    Householder : Why are you calling me a corpse.

    Witness : Well anyone that do not follow our religion are going to die at Armageddon and be eaten by birds, why we move into your house and go through all your things. Better hide your underwear, we have some child molesters who love to put those things on and dance like fairies.

    Householder : Your nuts, this whole conversation is stupid.

    Witness : Well your dead meat then, might as well drink poison now and not live another day. If you do not listen to me, there is no hope ... can I scope out your house now, that pool in the back looks really nice.

    Householder : No, in fact I want you off my property.

    Witness : Oh, now you have done it. You have turned against the message for sure, Jehovah will take extra pleasure in making sure your death is terrible.

    Householder : You don't even know me, that is sick.

    Witness : It does not matter, if you do not listen to me ... your deadmeat, plain and simple!

    Householder : Just go away!

    Witness : Okay ... <singing> from house to house, from door to door ... <walking away>

    Witness gets to car group and makes a note in their return visit book. "Householder seemed interested in our message, return later with Sister Smith and see if she can trick her into talking more."

    My weird thought

    Dragon

    Edited by - kenpodragon on 12 September 2002 21:43:6

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  • DanTheMan
    DanTheMan

    I'm anxious to stumble upon a JW witnessing to somebody -

    "Did he/she get to the part about how God is going to kill you if you don't become a JW?"

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  • Beck_Melbourne
    Beck_Melbourne

    My make believe HONEST JW isn't quite as gracious as yours Kenpo. Mine goes:

    JW: you want these mags or not??? I don't have all day, so hurry up and get me a donation and take the buggers off me hands so I can count it as a placement.

    Householder: Slam!

    Beck

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  • greven
    greven

    "So how does it feel to be a walking corpse..." LOL I was laughing my but off at that one!!!

    Dragon, you hit the mark!.

    greven.

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  • Matty
    Matty

    That's an absolute classic kenpodragon!

    It's crazy how we all sugar-coated the "good news of the kingdom" not to scare people off isn't it?

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  • mamashel
    mamashel

    Dragon, that is so good. I needed a good laugh this morning. Thanks for the laugh.

    The sad part of it, is it's not to far fetfced.

    mamashel

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  • Larry
    Larry

    Good one. You gotta love those 'Mean' 'love your neighbor' type of JW's.

    Peace - LL

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  • Mary
    Mary

    LIAR, LIAR? Yep, if Witnesses were forced to speak what they really felt at the door, it'd be quite entertaining:

    JW: Knock, knock, knock.......good morning, how are you today? I really don't care, I'm only asking you this to take up time and to try and impress this elder that I'm with that I want more power within the congregation and that I should be an MS. Chicks love men with power! Anyhoo, I'm offering you the latest issues of the Watchtower and Awake! magazines. I have't bothered to read them myself and have no idea what's in them, but if you take them, it'll look really good for me!

    HH: Are you Jehovah Witness?

    JW: (sigh) It's pro-nounced: JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES!! Is english your second language??!!! Get it straight!!! Now cough up some money for these mags cause it's almost coffee break time and we gotta go clear across town for that...........twenty five cents!!! Ya cheapskate!!!!

    Edited by - Mary on 13 September 2002 19:59:39

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  • Ephanyminitas
    Ephanyminitas
    Anyhoo, I'm offering you the latest issues of the Watchtower and Awake! magazines. I have't bothered to read them myself and have no idea what's in them, but if you take them, it'll look really good for me!

    LOL! That was me. I was terrible about reading the "boring!" magazines. I was always petrified that a householder would ask whether or not I've read them. Fortunately, it never happened.

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  • Yerusalyim
    Yerusalyim

    Yep, an SNL skit, better yet, Monty Python even.

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