There are two here. They are from several years back, yet they may as well be from two months ago. I found them tonight going through boxes.
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I'm not afraid of dying; I'm afraid of hearing that someone's died
The losses are all piling up and it's gotten to the point where I'm afraid to cry
If I let the tears loose, will they ever cease?
If I let the tears loose, will I ever find some peace?
I'm not afraid of sleeping; I'm afraid of flashbacks and nightmares
I'm starting to look tired with my 'game face' showing wear and tear
If I close my eyes, is it just a losing game?
If I close my eyes, is every night gonna prove to be the same?
In amongst all this I am trying to find out who I am
Being there for everyone else is easy, but to myself I am no friend
If I give up, where will it leave my cherished children?
If I give up, when will this vicious cycle ever, ever, ever end?
I'm feeling hollow; Where did my spirit go?
I'm feeling humiliated; Why must healing seem so slow?
I'm feeling angry; Why is it such taboo for me to show?
I'm feeling lonely; Why can't you wrap your arms around me and never ever let me go?
I'm not afraid of trying; I'm afraid of running on emotional fumes
I'm learning faster than I can and each new door I open has a bigger room
If I lay my head down, will I wake to see your beautiful face?
If I lay my head down, will I be rewarded for working hard to live through yet another day?
OK, I'm afraid of living
And I'm afraid of the times I'm so low I can't give anymore
I'm terrified of sleeping
I'm horrified to let my enormous pain show
I'm petrified of trying and getting no where
But most of all, I'm afraid of being lonely,
Please hold me, don't let go of me, reassure me you're here
You can change my existance - with a kind word, soft touch
There are walls built around me 'cos I need this so much
'Cos I'm afraid of living
and of the times I can't give anymore
I'm terrified of sleeping
and of letting my inner pain show
I'm petrified of trying and getting no where
Most of all, I fear facing this alone
Don't scold me; Please hold me
and never ever let go (Salem Reid)
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Judgement Day (Salem Reid)
I look in the mirror these days
And I've never seen sadder eyes
I fight death every second of the day
I don't think you realize
How deep I am, in this hole
I didn't see it coming at all, not at all
It snuck up and slashed me like an angry ghost
And then it ran off into the night, leaving me to die
But I'm still alive and I keep asking why
I look into the mirror these days
When I've the energy to move around
I've noticed that I'm a new shade of pale
And that my face has become dark and drawn
My legs crumble underneath me
Should I give up on my dream of being strong?
I don't know why I'm in this world
I don't want to be in anyone's way
But it becomes more obvious everyday
There's no peace, no place, just excruciating pain
Just pain. Heartache. Lonliness. Rejection. Abuse.
Judgement day for me
Yes there is judgement day everywhere I look.
Everyone's too busy to be a friend
Or they've forgotten the meaning of the word
And then they will wonder when you've reached your end
Why you wore that lonely sad look
I don't know why I'm in this world
I don't want to be in anyone's way
But it becomes more obvious everyday
There's no peace, no place, just buried deep pain
Just pain. Heartache. Lonliness. Rejection. Abuse.
Judgement day for me, every place I look.
Mim