I received this email from a JW, thought it was quite hilarious. You may have seen this one before. I didn't realize how silly the JW's teaching are.
In a rural area in the USA where telephone party lines are still in use, a "nosey neighbor" habitually would listen in on the conversation of one Jehovah's Witness who had recently moved nearby. One day, the Witness picked up the phone to make a call, heard her name spoken, and just couldn't resist listening in! Here's what she heard......
"... Well, no, Mabel, I can't really find any fault with her as a neighbor. In fact, she came over to meet me soon after they moved in and brought some cookies! But, they have some pretty strange ideas! What? Well, like, they mean to take over the government! What? No, she didn't EXACTLY tell ME that -- but, I overheard her on the phone one day and she kept talking about what it would be like under the "New System"! Yes! ... Even has a name for it -- call it a Theo -- Theok -- Theocracy, whatever THAT means! "...How? -- By MOB ACTION, Mabel! Yes!! She said they was a "GREAT CROWD"!
And listen: They're going to make their move real soon, cause she said someone named "Jehovah is speeding it up"! Do you think he might be their "guru" or something? And, Mabel, they have an international spy ring going! No!--- I'm not joking! It's a system they've put into operation -- developed at their "world headquarters", she said, and it's called "NEPS"! And get this -- it's in 200 languages! "... Well, here's how it works, Mabel: First, they "check out a territory" --- Yes! They send in their very best workers! And, they've even got code names: "PIONEERS"! And she said they "spearhead the work." Aren't they clever??
"... Well, these "PIONEERS" go and get their instructions every month. What? Well, I KNOW because I heard her ask her friend if she had got her "K.M." yet. (I think it stands for Keep Mum!) "... And Mabel they kidnap people who don't listen to them! ... They do so! I've heard her speak about "THE RANSOM" bold as you please, I don't know how many times.
Oh, I'm telling you, Mabel, these people are s-m-a-r-t! Why, they can read foreign languages. Yes, they can! She is always saying she read something or other in the "HEBREW" or "GREEK" Scriptures! Fancy that! "... And, you know, they must make slaves out of the people who don't get ransomed! They must -- she refers to the "SLAVE CLASS" a lot. And, this is something; some are "FAITHFUL SLAVES" and then there are the "EVIL SLAVES"!! I figure they're probably the ones who won't work. "... Why? Well, because she was telling her friend about someone she said was "INACTIVE" for about a year! ... Oh, it's a wonder they let them live, isn't it? '' ... What's that, Mabel? Oh, no, they get their money from their secular work; they would stir up attention by making money off their books and stuff. What's that? ...Yes, they're in all kinds of jobs. A few of them must run fabric shops, because she mentions a "REMNANT" quite a bit! And some raise sheep -- yes, some have only a "LITTLE FLOCK" and some raise "OTHER SHEEP" -- but, she didn't mention what breed they were. Then some are farmers, and get this, Mabel: She said that "THEIR HARVEST IS GREAT!" Now, you know how hard most of the farmers in this area have been hit by the drought this year! -- Well, the Devil looks after his own, I always say! Now, where was I? " ... Oh, yes, some of them are even "PUBLISHERS"! You can imagine what sort of stuff they print! And, I think her husband is a medical man. What? ... No, I'm NOT kidding. She said he had made several calls on some who were "IRREGULAR" and had very good results!!