Cyn, this is a good place for help. There are alot of great hearted people here that will understand exactly what you are going thru, maybe circumstances are diff. in each case , but alot have felt the pain you describe.
I know what you mean about losing faith in God even. I am going thru that big time. But others on this board assure me in time things will be clearer for me as I recover and learn more.
A lady , sweet , sweet Joy2BFree, told me to give myself a year just to enjoy life and not try to figure out all the answers right now. That was the best advice I have gotten in along time.
I like to post here, I love to write in a journal, it helps to express your feelings even if they are dark at times. Most everyone here, I swear has those dark days still, even after years of leaving the borg. So, like Tink said, hang in there, there are many of us here , thinking of you , even thou we don't know each other face to face. We all have that common bond, that makes us so different from people that have never gave their life to being JW's . That is why talking to others in chat or reading their stories will help you to see, you are not alone. Never think you are alone. You can email me or any of the good people of the board and we will respond. Just give yourself some time to get well.
I know for me waiting for depression to ease up hurts like hell, but it can be brighter one day. Find something good to say about yourself each day, find a good quality and tell yourself, hey I am a good person, I deserve to be happy. We have to do this , because we have to build our self esteem and learn to love ourselves. The WT told us not to think too much of ourselves to the point of condemning ourselves at every meeting we went to , for not being good enough. I guess it just takes time to get rid of years of self condemnation taught to us by our loving ( hahaha) organization.
I left a year ago, and I have never been happier. I still get ups and downs, but it is different, I can see it for what it is now, a chemical imbalance or just life pressures at times. I don't have to blame Me for it. That is a burden lifted off of tired shoulders, dear friend.
Remember, Jesus said, His load would not be a burden? I wonder what he would say if he came back down here and walked in Bethel... and what would He say about the flock He loves so much?
I bet He would react the same way as He did with the religious leaders of His day.
Just know we care, and if you ever need to talk, email me, I can call ya too.
(((((((((((((((( Hugs,Cyn, and a hand to hold)))))))))))))) LyinEyes (Dede)
Edited by - LyinEyes on 24 September 2002 20:14:42
