When I was about 23 years old a friend of mine came down with cancer. We had spent a lot of our time growing up together, from fishing to doing the Pioneer thing. Basically, we knew each other very well. Learning that he had cancer was not an easy thing learn, but even worse was watching my friend fade out of life. When he finally ended this life, in what seemed like a very short time. I remember thinking, "I wish I had more time to spend with him." You see when he found out he had cancer, it seemed like the organization started using me more, I had a ton of talks and assignments. I was not able to be there for him, and I wasted his last days worrying about things related to the religion. When I think about this, and I hear my mom make comments like "you are dying now sense leaving the religion." I wonder why she would feel this way, and not want to spend my last days on this earth, taking advantage of the time we have. Of course, we spend some time together. Mainly because I am only "inactive" and not "disfellowshiped", but what about quality time. So many people experience this, and yet I hear so many comments from Witnesses about lost friends and relatives in the past that died. I do not know how many times my wife's parents have said "I wish I had just one more day to spend with my mom and dad, just one more moment to say I love you one last time." Yet here is their daughter, and soon to be grandson and they see them as dying and would do their best to avoid a dinner with us. Yes we are fortunate, in that our relatives will speak with us more then most. What I see though is a theme in all Witnesses. Terminal disease and they want to be by your side to the end, terminal death based on their religions teachings, and they can care less about when they see you. Why do you think that is? Well to me it comes down to what is real. When someone has a disease that you have heard of and seen other people suffer from, you realize and believe time is short. So you take every moment you have to be with them. When someone is in a position though out of favor with your religion, it means less urgency for them. From what I have seen, it is more like a game. They believe, but at the same time they know many years have passed in their life and many more will come before they die. So as much as they claim to see it as you dying, inside they know nothing is really all that urgent or important. Of course, some will say "my family does" and they feel hurt that people do not treat them with love. I question this though, would those same people not be at the side of your death bed to say good-bye? (It is sad if they wouldn't) I think most would, because that is just more real and easier to believe. So what am I getting at here? If the Witnesses were a religion of love and truly felt the end was near, and their relatives that were out, were terminal in death. They would want to still spend moments with us, and value our time. After all, when my friend died of cancer. As I set at his memorial, only one thought went through my mind "If only I could have had one more moment." That was because I understood life, and thus now that I am out "I understand it more." So when I look at the Witnesses and I hear their comments about people leaving or getting kicked out, saying they are dying. I think, "Stop playing life, start really living it!" It is so nice to actually understand love now, and understand the real value of a individual life. No more phony comments based in false thinking. When I think of the phrase, "If only I could have had one more moment" I do not have to have regrets. I live those moment everyday with eyes open to the truth of life, and not the games of controlling religions. My thought Dragon
If only I could have had one more moment
by kenpodragon 5 Replies latest jw friends
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LyinEyes
This kind of reminds me of what happened or didnt happen I should say when our family left the JW. Our son was just 14 yrs old when we left, and was used to the point of carring the mics, helping in the literature room, preparing and giving talks at least every two weeks etc. You get the picture, he was up and coming, if he would have continued on he would have even given an assembly part soon.
We traveled out of town and took that month away to make our decision to leave the borg. We told our son , and we would let him decide with both sides open for discussion to stay or leave, was it the truth or not. Turns out he was sick of the hypocrisy and unlovings ways before we even tallked about it. So we all quit as a family.
A few times the elders or some of the friends would stop by in the beginning. Only a few times, and maybe a few calls in a whole year. Not once did the elders even ask about Jake, he was an unbaptized pub. and he deserved their attention, no matter what his parents choose to do.
He got nothing. Talk about love. If he was sick and dying would they have been there, maybe.
But like you said he they thought he was heading down a wrong road, and loved him , worrying about his salvation, wouldnt they at least speak to him? A call , just to say hi, we miss you? Nothing.
Even when the two elders called on the phone and we d/a ourselves did they ever ask about Jake. They have not since even looked at him, he sees them in town and they act like he is d/f or d/a. He is being shunned as we are. Were is that love ? It wasnt there to begin with.
I have to give one good witness credit for caring , he has and still does talk to Jake, but he is not one to shun anyone. I can not tell you how much this means to Jake. And this one person is not even family, not even from our hall. Maybe in time I can say this persons name and thank them for being such a good christian,,,,,,, not at all like the JW's that clamied to love him so much.
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kelsey007
LyinEyes count your blessings. However, my experience is that they do hold respect in the case of minors in such situations. Not all situations mind you, but in the case of an unbaptized youth I have not noticed that they attack the underage. They go instead to the "head of the house". Maybe this is not true in all cases, but again I can only speak of what I have seen.
Like your family, even though my ex is still a JW my son was allowed to make his own decision- without any jw-bashing on my part. He too made the decision that the WT was not for him. I would have still loved and respected him if had chosen to go with his mother....
I now feel so much better knowing that the decision was his and made without verbal influence from me. To me it made his choice even better and substantial.
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Beck_Melbourne
Interesting thoughts...and I share your point of view Kenpo.
Most witnesses have an obsession with being 'righteous' especially in the eyes of the other members of the congregation. They will conduct themselves in a way befitting a christian witness, NOT a parent or a relative. Of course, the type of conduct befitting a chrisian witness is determined by the leadership in their congregation. If they are required to SHUN DF/DA relatives completely, then only the 'staunch' ones will do this...regardless of what is morally right or wrong. Most JW are willing to sacrifice good parenting in order to demonstrate how spiritual they are, how close to Jehovah they are, and how strong in his service they are.
The sad thing is...our JW relatives will sacrifice a loving and warm relationship with their own children on their path to righteousness and salvation...this is to me one of the most selfish and unloving things I have ever seen in my life. I regard it as emotional abuse of a child, no matter how old that child may be.
I knew a jw couple who's son was DF. They shunned him as they were encouraged to do.
In time, the DF son had a car accident and as a result he was wheel chair bound. He had no one to help him, to care for him in his disabled state, and he felt that no one loved him (as you would). He eventually took his own life. I wish I could have known him and been a friend to him.~Beck~
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kenpodragon
My mother was DF'ed and I was not allowed to have her at my wedding. I still get a little angry when I think of that one. Now I am gone, and she still speaks to me. I guess with age comes wisdom and she is the wiser of us two. Was not really all my fault though, as people in the Kingdom Hall were putting pressure on me to not invite her. The man who agreed to give our talk even threatened not to, if we did invite her.
It really hurt her, and she did not deserve that treatment from her son.
My sad flash back
Dragon