FOOTPRINTS

by Nathan Natas 5 Replies latest social humour

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  Nathan Natas

  One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky. In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand, just one set of footprints. I was alone.

  This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only that one set of lonely footprints. So I said to the Lord, "You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there have only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, you have not been there for me?"

  The Lord replied, because I am IMAGINARY, you peckerhead! All this time you have been carrying around me and my invisible cohorts, thinking we would help you! WHY do you think there is a saying that we help only those who help themselves. Stop carrying us, unburden your life, and get treatment for schizophrenia!"
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  Oubliette

  The Lord replied, because I am IMAGINARY, you peckerhead!

  But if he's imaginary, then how could he "reply"?

  I knew it had to be a send-up when I saw that it was you posting this old chestnut!!!
  
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  Nathan Natas

  Oubliette queried, "But if he's imaginary, then how could he "reply"?"

  It is apparent that you have never sat down and given yourself a good talking to.

  Let the reader use discernment. Selah.
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  Simon

  LOL. You're never alone with Jesus or Schizophrenia !

  It is funny though how segments of society clings to be belief in messages from god and demon possession when we know now that these are mental conditions and usually treatable with medication.

  The righteous will claim that the pills block god's communication. The rest of us know it corrects a chemical imbalance in the brain.
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  Giordano

  One old chestnut deserves another!

  An Atheist was taking a stroll in the woods when a bear started to chase him.

  'Oh God" screamed the Atheist who took off running. The bear easily caught up to him and bowled him over.

  A heavy paw pinned him to the ground and the bear with his mouthful of bear teeth peered down at him.

  "OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!" the Atheist screamed. The bear paused and still keeping the man pinned down started to look towards the sky. Where a cloud descended and from the cloud a voice called out.

  "Atheist is that you? Your that pesky Atheist who always talked against a belief in me....whatever do you want?"

  "Please God I didn't know......... I never understood that you existed........ please can you save me from this bear?"

  "Sorry Atheist it doesn't work like that"

  Thinking as fast as he could the man called back "God one last request....can you make the Bear a Christian?"

  "Humm yes I can do that."

  A deep silence fell over the woods.......... moments passed and the bear looked down at the man with a look of kindness and gentleness. It nodded at the man and then looked up to the cloud and spoke......"Thank you Lord for this feast you have provided me........Amen"
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  TD

  The Lord replied, "Because the Sand People travel in single file to hide their numbers."

  --Sorry, couldn't resist.