"Looking for signs"
When I was in High School I hated every day. I was the quiet child, the one who no one hardly knew they went to school with. The kid that belonged to that religion with all the rules and always out of the mix with the rest of the group. Tall and skinny, I was happy to be invisible and not like some who were faced with ridicule for being different. Although I was quiet, it was impossible to go through 12 years of school in a small town and not get to know certain people. As I aged, friends came and went and we were able to keep in contact in class throughout the school years, if not social on the outside of school time. A few friends divided up my elementary and High School years, but a couple stood out more then others. One in particular was a boy named Michael Hastings. He was kind of one of those friends you could not forget, and the kid who was into everything and liked by everyone. By being his friend and spending time with him, you had a chance to get to know and talk to others who would have normally left you alone. As High School started and we ended up in different classes and groups, we still talked from time to time and always stayed casual friends.
Like all things in life, High School ended and life moved on. Although I spent a few years riding the fence between being a Witness and not being one, in my mind I never let go of the religion and I just left the friends of my youth behind. In time days became years, and soon I was moved out of my hometown and within 2 years of High School graduation I had no contact with anyone from those days. Next thing you know years became a decade, and we arrived at the time that people normally do their ten-year reunion. I would normally not have gone, as Witnesses shun such practice, but I was not a Witness anymore and I wanted to go back and show these people I was something different. Well at least that is how I felt in January, but that soon changed.
You see, to me High School conjured a lot of thoughts of past pain. Remembering what it felt like to be an outcast, a nobody, and in ten years I had overcome that to be a well-known businessman and success in life. Not bragging, but saying I was not the person who set at lunch quiet anymore, I was now the talker and the leader. I was the person I wanted to be then, and so I did not see any need to return and revisit a life long gone.
Well some how the person in charge of the reunion got my home number and called me to ask if I was coming, and I said "no thanks." They did not say much; other then if you change your mind just call or write for some information. I took the contact info, and then set it down and looked through my high school yearbook and laughed at how dumb we all looked. Yes it was the 80's, and the fashions were high bangs on girls and that hair sprayed hair for men. We looked like fools, but we all thought we were cool. Well I took the address and put it in my yearbook and put it on the shelf, I was convinced not to go and that was it.
Three months went by and I had given no thought to reunions, did not really care. One night I had the oddest of dreams, I was sitting in my house watching television and the front door opened and a guy walked in. It was my friend Michael Hastings, of course looking like he did in 1989. He was acting like I always remembered, way to excited and telling me I needed to go to the reunion. Telling me it would be fun and that I would have a blast. Michael was the type of guy that would have handed me a beer at a party and force me to drink it, even though I knew it was wrong and I was a baptized Witness out of his element. He just wanted everyone to have fun and nothing was going to stop him. Plus, he liked being the center of attention and that made him well known as well. Well in the dream he would not give up and I finally gave in, like I would of at 17.
I woke the next day, and I had the dream on my mind. I thought about the reunion again and I decided to give the woman in charge a call to see if I could make it. By this time it was only one week away. I could not remember where I left the note with her name and contact information, so I got online to a reunion site and got it. I called and she was all happy and told me how to pay and when the times were for each event. So it looked like I was going to something, even though I said I wasn't. My wife was excited, and she went and bought a new dress. I had told her about the dream and she wanted to meet this guy, as she said he sounded like someone she knew in High School as well. Always the leader and always the one getting things going.
Well we drove the three hours back to my hometown and I was nervous, all the thoughts returned of that insecure teenager inside this man who was nothing like that. I checked into the hotel, and we started to get ready for the reunion. My wife looked beautiful in her new dress and I was kind of excited about showing her off. I put on my suit and looked in the mirror ... yes the man was there, but the teenager was too. A person who had been put to sleep for a long time, and now it was kind of popping it's head out to say "I am still a part of you."
Well we entered the reunion and their were faces that looked familiar on the table. These were the name badges of the reunion, with our year book picture on them. Oh God! If I knew this thing would haunt me for 10 years, I should have at least smiled better. None the less, I put it on and entered. As we entered we walked by a table of memories from my High School years. The newspaper, the yearbook, the photos and the other things that were 1989. Then at the end their was a memorial table for those who had been lost, those who died since are moment of leaving those high school days behind. As I approached it, a old friend saw me and shock my hand. He set there in shock, he could not belief it was me. We laughed and chatted and it was awesome, the whole time he kept going "you have changed!" and then someone came in and interrupted him. I knew we would talk more, so I continued on and looked at the memorial table.
As I approached it, it seemed we got lucky and only one of our classmates had died. My sister had lost 15 in her class, and I thought we might be about the same. I looked at the picture to see who it was, and there he was "Michael Hastings." Died in a motorcycle accident in 1992 in San Jose California. Oh crap! That was all I could think. How was it that out of the blue that one person drew me to this place, yet be the one person who was dead? I teared up for a moment, and kind of thought about the years I had that he never did. Then I showed him to my wife, and in a weird way I felt like I was saying "Michael this is my wife, wife this is Michael" to a photo. I just felt he knew I was saying more then the words that came out. (I do not refer to my wife as "wife", I just do not post her name online)
The reunion went on, and it turned out to be a great up builder to my life. Yes there were still some clicks, and people I did not talk to. On the other hand there were tons of people who could not believe how I looked and what I became. I was so proud to say I was not a Witness and to see their reactions of "thank goodness!" and to see how much they were happy to see me. I was happy to see them too and it meant something to have those few hours to see that I really had changed from being a depressed teenager to a man who liked life.
Later that night we got to the hotel and my wife wanted to see what some of these people she met looked like in High School. As staring at there nametag seemed a little uncomfortable. We opened the yearbook and looked at these past photos, when we came to the page with Michael Hastings, guess what? This is the page that had the piece of paper with the contact information on it, that I had misplaced months prior. I realized that this whole time, there was something being said in my return to these people. I looked up into the mirror in my room again. Did I see the teenage boy again? No this time I saw the man, that man who now knew that there was another side looking after him. All he had to do was remember to read the signs and pay attention, and his road would always lead to moments of happiness. I thanked Michael for the invite, and went to bed with my beautiful wife ... happy!
My thought
Edited by - kenpodragon on 6 October 2002 2:32:56