Grieving for the Living

StinkyPantz2.0

I originally wrote this blog a few years ago, but yesterday a friend that is struggling to decide whether or not she will tell her family that she no longer accepts the Jehovah’s Witness religious doctrine reminded me of it so I am re-sharing (with updates).

It’s not always completely freeing to come out of the closet (as an atheist in my case) and I wanted her to understand that.

I had a very strange realization recently: I don’t know what it’s like to be someone’s adult child. My parents didn’t get the privilege of seeing me come of age. I didn’t get walked down the aisle when I got married. I didn’t get parental advice when I went house hunting. I missed out on seeing pride in their eyes when I received my degrees. I haven’t had their shoulders to lean on when I struggled with infertility. I’ve never gotten relationship advice or job advice or any other counsel an adult child needs. We haven’t discussed politics or philosophy or any other complex subject matter. No, my parents aren’t dead, but I grieve for them all the same.

Click here to read the rest: http://www.freethoughtify.com/grieving-for-the-living/

Diogenesister

Sometimes I think the grief is MORE intense in your situation, its so hard to get closure and the frustration and anger that fades with normal bereavement can raise its ugly head anytime - my heart goes out to you. You are a courageous and principled woman, a humanitarian soul.

under the radar

That was a very poignant post. Thanks for sharing. There are far too many situations like yours, with varying totality and severity, all over the world. It's not just the JW's. Many other "Christian" and non-Christian groups have similar religion-over-family policies. In some places, those who dare reject the faith of their parents can be literally murdered with impunity, just like it was among "God's people" in the good ol' Bible days.

Organized religion is a festering cancerous sore on the face of humanity, and it's high time we outgrew it.

I am so sorry for your loss. Actually, it's their loss. You have risen above their petty superstitions and prejudices. Congratulations.

But still, I feel and share your sadness. They know not what they do.

GrreatTeacher

Hey, if it helps, I'm proud of you!

When push came to shove, my parents decided not to shun. But, it still hurts that after spending years of tears, toil and money to finally get a college degree, a first generation college student, they just don't seem to understand how big of an accomplishment it is.

They say they're proud, but then they bash higher education out of the other side of their mouth. It's actually an insult and it hurts a lot.

just fine

I am right there with you - college graduation - no parents no acknowledgement, nothing.

Wedding- no parents or siblings, I didn't even invite them so that they couldn't ruin the day.

Promotions, relocations, houses bought and sold and built, none of them have ever been involved.

Despite it all, I wouldn't give up my freedom for anything.

StrongHaiku

Thank you for your beautiful post. I've been grieving my parents and family for over 25 years.

I keep the following quote in mind. It's a small comfort on dark nights like tonight (my girlfriend and I are talking about getting married). Yet another thing I won't be able to share with them.

The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof.

Richard Bach, Illusions

fleshyheadedmutant

I read your beautifully written blog, and I cry for you. I am a mother, and know that deep down your mother must be proud of you, even though she is under the immense influence of the borg.

The disturbing thing is that when your parents become older and no longer able to care for themselves, the elders will most surely view their care as your responsibility. I remember reading a very sad post from a person who had this happen to her, and by the time she became an "acceptable associate" to care for her mother, her mother was a virtual stranger.

I would say that you should never give up hope. At one time I was just as brainwashed as your mom, in the organization over thirty years, and here I am now.

In the meantime, you are a credit to your family, even though they do not recognize it.

LisaRose

I am sorry your parents are so blinded by a cult that they don't see and appreciate the wonderful person that you have become. It's just so incredible pointless to shun a daughter for choosing to not be a different religion.

I would print that blog out and mail it to them. They should see what they are doing to you.

If you were my daughter I would be very very proud.

((Hug))

Grieving for the Living

Richard Bach, Illusions

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