Dear all,
At the rate that I post, it will be a very long time indeed before I make Jedi status. Why, I'll probably be as old as Englishman is now (or maybe Armageddon will have come by then)
So when someone asks me to re-post something (thanks Six!), I can't help but think that this is an easy way to get another notch on my gun.
Lots of you might remember this, if you haven't seen it before, it's all about our favourite resident prophet and his story as it appears in the Old Testament (er... I mean Hebrew Scriptures!).
Duncan
(of the "not-obsessed with-You-Know-at-all" class)
The Story of Un-oh and the Armies of Apo-sta-sia ( 2nd Kings Chapter 26)
A nd it came to pass in the final days of the city of Soh- ci -ah- teh, standing in the midst of the plains of Bruk lin, that the aged King Eph- di - as gathered together his mighty ones and all his wise and learned men.
Eph - di- as proceeded to speak to the assembly of the city that he had called and he spoke to them thus:
"See, I have become old with great age, and I have ruled this city for these many score years. And now there comes upon us a time of great trouble, even unto you all.
"For, though we have done what is right in the eyes of the LORD and walked in the ways of our Fathers, the armies of the nation of Apo - sta - siah are come against us, even encircling the hill of the city.
"And great and many multitudes are the warriors of Apo -sta -siah, and mighty are their fearsome weapons, and terrible are there encampments of war.
"Now, hear the will of your King, for it is plain to me in this matter, that if the sons of our city and the maids of our houses should look forth from the city walls, and they should set eyes upon the mighty camps of Apo- sta- siah and their fearsome princes and multitudes, then the people will for a certainty fall to their knees, and tremble all over with a great fear.
"And the people of the city shall say to each other in that hour: 'surely such an army has never before been assembled before God and man. Who can stand against it?'
"And for a certainty the people shall lose heart and even give up the fight if they should but once set eyes upon any of the men of Apo sta- siah or any or their works.
"Let us, then, decide that none shall look outside the city walls. Let us swear an oath that, in the rising of the moon and the setting of the sun, we shall turn our backs to the city wall and fix our gaze upon the holy ones in the midst of the city.
"And if your servant girl, or a young man of your household should look out and with wonder declare I have seen the men of Apo sta siah, and beheld their works then that one shall be cut off from our people and put outside the city gates.
"For none shall look upon them or learn of their evil ways."
And the assembled wise men and mighty ones of the city said "So it shall be, and so it shall come to pass."
And many months passed. The mighty Princes of the nation of Apo -sta -siah made camp outside the city. And mighty warriors, skilled in all forms of war came forth with a challenge to the people.
Standing among the people of Apo sta siah were two warriors, Ay- eph and Phar- kel, both skilled with sword and bow, but with especial might using De- bate and Log- ic.
With a loud voice as many waterfalls did Ay - eph and Phar -kel call out to the people of the city:" Is their one among you who shall fight in single combat, that thus we may see where the LORD shall show his favour to be?"
And King Eph- di as said to the people "Stop up your ears, and listen not to the wily talk of the evil ones. For in the very day that you set eyes upon them, in that day shall you die and your flesh shall rot upon your bones! Yup, all this just from talking to em! "
So there came no answer from the people. And the days went by and the seasons passed, and there was no answer given from the city. For the people were in fear of what King Eph -di- as had told them.
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In those days, there happened to be living in the city of Soh -cia -teh a young boy of the house of Judah, whose name was Un- oh.
And Un- oh proceeded to say unto himself: "Surely, King Eph- di -as and all his officials and elders of the city are wrong in this matter! Would it not be a fine thing indeed for someone from the city - a mighty man such as myself - to rise to the challenge and go out amongst the nation of Apo sta - siah and best them in battle! "
And Un- oh developed a desire in his heart that he should prove himself the mightiest warrior in the city of Soh- cia -teh.
So, at daybreak the following day, Un-oh fashioned for himself a wooden sword and a helmet from a pot. Riding upon Fred - hall his ass, he slipped out of the postern gate of the city and made his way across the plain before the people of Apo sta siah.
And Un- oh began to march up and down across the plain and with great hand movements did wave his sword around and he piped up with a loud voice "Am I not the mightiest of warriors? Who can stand against me for I am mighty in the service of the Lord!"
And the people of Apo- sta- siah were astonished and amazed and fell to laughing at the sight of the boy and his ass. And the men of Apo- sta- siah began to cheer and applaud in their amusement.
And the young boy Un -oh, upon hearing the commotion he had caused, began to prance and sport all the more. And he said to himself "Surely, it has come to pass that I truly am the greatest warrior in the city, and the men of the nation of Apo sta siah are greatly alarmed and in fear! Wait till they see this next bit! "
So it came to pass that Un oh spent the whole day before the encamped nation of Apo- sta- siah, and he did mightily strive to impress them with his skill and fearsomeness.
Now, around the middle of the day, certain elders and officials approached King Eph -di- as and said unto him: "Is it not so that you have decreed that none shall approach the men of Apo- sta -siah?
"And is it not now the case that there, down on the plain, is a young boy from the city, who is dancing and sporting before their armies, and calling with bragging words that set them to laughter? "
At this the King flew into a rage and rent his garments. The King said "Is it for nothing I have spoken? Surely when the people of Apo sta siah look upon this young man, they will say in their hearts 'Truly, are not all the people of the city fools such as this one? Come let us attack now, for there is no reason hold back our hand from this thing! For the city is no stronghold at all, but is peopled with asses and young boys with wooden swords! ' "
And with that the King instructed his most skillful bowmen to ascend the city towers and look down upon the spectacle on the plain.
And so it came to pass that, upon the Kings word, the bowmen let loose a flight of arrows upon Un oh, who fell to the ground in an instant.
This is the account of the last days of the city of Soh -cia -teh.
In the days that followed the city was overrun because the people saw the wickedness and weakness of their King.
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Alternatively, the happy ending --
The people of Apo sta siah took young Un- oh into their camp and bound up his wounds and made him whole and strong again. In time he did become a mighty warrior, only this time on the right side.
Edited by - Duncan on 11 October 2002 12:29:13