Funny story:
My brother was living with me several years back. He had changed the oil in his car and instead of disposing of the used oil, he set the pan of it atop the freezer in the garage. We were having party one day and he opened the freezer door and yep- the pan came down on his head. Ruined a new pair of jeans, tennies socks etc. Plus, quite the mess. He is an extremely intelligent person and I told him- hey that was really stupid- you don't usually do stupid things like that and now look at what it's going to cost to replace those items ruined. I came up with "Stupid Insurance" I told him that if he had coverage, he could file a claim for being stupid and they'd pay for the replacement of his clothing. We also decided that rates and deductibles would be determined by how stupid that person might be. People who aren't normally stupid but have the occasional blunder would have lower rates and deductibles. We decided that the only way to determine this would be to query friends and relatives about the level of stupidity of each applicant. Here is the Stupid Insurance Reference Form:
Inane, Inc.
1425 Wacko Dr.
Cleveland OH, 32119
Applicants Name:______________________________________________________________________________
The above named individual has applied for a Stupid Insurance Policy with our company and has listed you as a reference. In order for us to effectively determine his/her eligibility for coverage and determine deductibles and premium rates, we need information about the applicant from you. Please complete this form and return it to our office. Please return this form promptly- the applicant is probably out there right now being stupid without the proper coverage.
1. Do you know this person?______yes______no. If you answered no to this question, do not
answer any further questions. The applicant obviously has no idea who he/she knows or
doesnt know and therefore qualifies for coverage. If you answered yes continue with the
rest of the questions.
2. How long have you known this person_________________________________________
3. Have you ever witnessed or know about anything stupid this person has done in the
past 5 years? Please explain:_______________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________
4. Did you participate in anything stupid this person has done in the past 3 years?
____yes____no. If you answered yes and are not currently covered by a Stupid
Insurance Policy through another company, please complete the enclosed application
for coverage. Be sure to list 3 references and their addresses.
5. Check off any of the following words which may describe the applicant. (check as many
as apply)
_____senseless _____brainless _____idiotic _____witless _____absurd _____ridiculous _____scatterbrained _____addled _____misguided _____imbecile _____moronic _____touched _____incoherent _____asinine _____flighty _____cuckoo _____boneheaded _____batty _____cockeyed _____baked
_____muddled _____scorched _____loony _____whacko _____fried _____cracked _____foolish _____inept _____stupefied _____doltish
If you would check off more than 9 of the above for yourself, again, you may qualify for
your own coverage. Be sure to fill out the enclosed Stupid Insurance application form.
Dont delay, you could be paid for being stupid.
6. In your opinion, is there any reason to believe that the applicant will cease their
stupidity within the next year?____yes____no Within the next ten years?____yes____no
Within their lifetime?____yes___no
7. In your opinion, is there any way to control the applicants stupidity without heavy
medication? ____yes____no_____no, not without killing them.
8. Does this person often use phrases such as I just dont understand why these things are
always happening to me, or Why should I turn my directional light on, the car knows
where its going?
9. When you are having a conversation with this person do they sometimes look comatose?
____yes____no_____I cant tell, they always look that way.
10. Would you let the applicant drive your car?____yes___no
11. Does the applicant have any children who you feel may need coverage
____yes____no____he/she had children but lost them in the mall one day.
12. Do you have any reason to believe that the stupidity exhibited by the applicant is an act?
_____yes_____no_____absolutely not.
13. Does the applicant wear a helmet when riding a motorcycle? ____yes____no ____yes, bu
he/she leaves it on even when not riding the cycle _____yes, the applicant wears a helmet
but never rides a motorcycle.
14. Does the applicant have difficulty setting their clocks when the time changes twice per
year? _____yes_____no_____the time changes twice per year????
15. What kind of grasp on life does the applicant have?
_____Seems to deal with it alright; when he/she is asleep.
_____Hasnt got a clue.
_____Without heavy medication; this person should be avoided at all cost.
_____If you are going to deal with this person, you should take medication also.
Thank You for your time and the information you have provided on our applicant. Your
answers will be most helpful in our decision making process.
Again, if you were prompted by an earlier question to complete an application of
your own, please enclose it with this reference sheet and we will process it as soon as we can.
If you have any questions about these forms or Inane, Inc., please keep them to yourself.
If you really must contact us, our toll free number is (800) 555-DUMB. If there is anyone
you know who is in need of Stupid Insurance, we would appreciate any referrals.
At Inane Inc., our motto is STUPID IS AS STUPID DOES