So today on my way to work, I passed a faithful JW sister who I have met about 6 times and spoken to and was friends with a sister she spends a lot of time with, I looked at her and smiled and she looked through me. I wondered if she knew to shun me. I'm dating someone when I have no photographic evidence that I am free to remarry ;) let's ignore all forms of abuse and unfaithfulness...anyway!
Then the penny dropped, and I smiled to myself. She doesn't know. How do I know this? Because she has ALWAYS looked straight through me if she saw me in the street. In fact, she isn't the only one. Even when I was a young teenager with no naughty record, I still had JW people look through me, be rude to me and pick on small things like the top I'm wearing to the meeting (a modest top may I add! But with a disapproving soft print of a women's face on - I must have been like 14?!)
and then...when I pioneered...the lack of support and how I often pursued my work on my own.
And when I ran away from my ex, and carried on diligently in my new congregation - the majority didn't help me as a young vulnerable sister - living on an inflatable bed in my "worldly" friends flat. Over 4 years there were about 10 people in a congregation of 100 that showed me kindness. That's mental! How many people reached out to see how I was when I disappeared from their cong? Erm about 5 - when I had been there 6 years!!!!
And then I compared all this to how I am treated by the people I work with and in my community, and how they support me, and are kind to me without even knowing much about me. And it made me realise, these people don't understand what love is at all! I am not being "shunned" in a new way at all - there has always been something about me they didn't quite like - my creative streek maybe? The way I love animals maybe? The way I love music, art and culture?
Well JW, I am proud to say - I am me and now proud to be me. The reason most JW can't deal with it, is purely because they have no personality and rely on others to tell them what their personality should be or in what ways they should show love - they all have to be TOLD how to do things. I'm different, thank goodness and clearly - they don't know how to deal with it!
i am so glad to have faded away - and so glad I can see all this. I wonder how many of us here think we are being shunned because of having been marked, when actually, no one was interested to begin with? I would love to hear your comparisons.