marriage and respect

lilwolf

my husband and i just got married big mistake he is a wittness and i am not he has been previously married to another wittness. things happened to them so he got kicked out of the church i guess now we met and for 2 years he has not been and now he wants to go back however i do not think it would be a good idea. he is basically told me he would choose the church over me and his son. which sucks for me what do i do?? please help me

Robdar

Congratulations on the birth of your son and your new marriage.

What to do? Do what you think is best.

We all have choices to make in life and this is your choice to make, not ours. We will not be the ones who suffer or prosper from the consequences of your choice. But I will tell you this, until you do make a choice and stick with it, the ambivalence will make you sick.

I wish you well.

Robyn

Edited by - robdar on 19 November 2002 19:47:28

Shakita

Hi and welcome lilwolf:

You say your husband was a JW who was "kicked out." I guess this means he was disfellowshipped? And, when you two were married he was not a JW. Now that he has married you, a nonjw, he wants to become one again? Wow!

Do you mind my asking what he was kicked out for?

And, why does he want to go back to the JW religion?

These are very important questions that need to be answered so we can understand your problem. Sounds like you will have alot of them(problems) if he decides to rejoin the JW religion.

Please give some more details.

Mrs. Shakita

SPAZnik

I find it interesting that you mentioned respect in the title of your thread.
It is true that he has the right as an individual to make spiritual and religious decisions for himself.
I would encourage you to respect his rights, but to respect yours too.

Prepare yourself realistically for possible outcomes. Expect a rollercoaster.

Oh, and what Robdar said!

SPAZ

Matty

Hello and a warm welcome from me lilwolf.

You have a right to have your point of view respected and so you really need to talk this over. Unfortunately we can't pretend there are easy solutions to your problem, it's gonna be really tough. You now know that there are two categories of ex-witnesses. Ones who fully appreciate that it simply isn't "the truth" and were thankful to abandon the sect; and the other category, the ones who get "thrown out" but either still fully believe it to be "the truth", or still have some kind of remnant of belief within them. Sadly your husband fits into this second category. It's a terrible shame for you that he has put you through this pain, you weren't to know that he hadn't totally exorcised the Witnesses from his mind.

(((lilwolf)))

The Firm

Hello and welcome, lilwolf. Wow! How was it that he married a non-JW? I thought mixed marriages were VERY discouraged in the society (I should know, I tried to marry a JW ). Anyway, there are a few key things to know:

+ know that he may leave you outright

+ know that he/WBTS might rope you in. Get to know some of the JW doctrine to prepare yourself for the inevitable. We've all been there--it's not difficult to give into the extreme pressure gradient of joining the society.

+ know the vows you and your husband took--"for better or worse, till death do us part". (is that about right?)

+ know that the WBTS teaches a hidden, separate vow: "...til death {or fornication} do us part..." In other words, cheating by one party or another can break the marriage vow. (Also know that that is a novel tradition NOT taught by Christ or the early church.) What that means is that if push comes to shove down the line, if he should someday cheat on you, that would break the marriage bond with God and he's miraculously be free to marry again. Or, he may put you in a situation so deprived that "cheating" is encouraged on your part.

+ know that you may be able to save him. You see, the fear levied agains the rank-&-file JW is so severe that it's almost impossible to leave. It's a very bitter reality, but hope is not lost. There's lots of great folks here to help you work through it, so get your lasso ready. You're actually at an advantage because you have access to more information than your husband does. Keep in touch!!!