The Kingdom Hall was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The CO was ready to start the talk when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered through the rear of the hall. One of the two men walked to the middle of the hall while the other stayed at the back of the hall. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons.
The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jehovah stay in your seats!"
Naturally, the chairs emptied quickly. People ran screaming out the door, followed by an elder and his wife.
After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the kingdom hall. The CO was still standing up front watching with interest.
The men put their weapons away and said gently to him, "All right, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin."
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This fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important to own an equally devout pet. So, they went shopping. At a kennel specializing in this particular breed, they found a dog they liked quite a lot. When they asked the dog to fetch the Bible, he did it in a flash. When they instructed him to look up Psalm 23, he complied equally fast, using his paws with surprising dexterity.
They were impressed, purchased the animal, and went home (piously, of course). That night they had some friends over. They were so proud of their new fundamentalist dog and his major skills, they called the dog and showed off a little. The friends were impressed, and asked whether the dog was able to do any of the usual dog tricks, as well. This stopped the couple cold, as they hadn't thought about 'normal' tricks.
"Well," they said, "let's try this out."
Once more they called out to the dog, and then clearly pronounced the command, "Heel!"
Quick as a wink, the dog jumped up, put his paw on the man's forehead, closed his eyes in concentration, and bowed his head.
Two Religious Jokes
by Binky 2 Replies latest social humour
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Binky
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heathen
Don't quit your day job. heathen -of the take my wife, please class
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Xander
I've heard the first one before, in relation to other religions (baptists, et al).
Couple obvious problems with it:
1) WHY would this make only the hypocrites leave?
a) Are you to trust the gunman that he will only shoot those WILLING to 'take a bullet for jesus' (the more common version)?
b) Even if such was true - WHY would you be willing to sit there and be shot because a gunman says just sitting in the line of fire being shot at was being shot 'for jesus'?
c) Even if this gunman really WAS only going to shoot those willing to 'take a bullet for christ' (another popular version), and he really WAS on a mission of christian persecution such that, arguably, taking a bullet from him WOULD be taking it 'for christ', WHY WOULD YOU THINK GOD WOULD SPARE YOU!?! There are NO modern accounts of god sparing his people from gunfire by their faith alone!!2) It's a little too close to the (proclaimed from the rooftops) fundie accounts of what happened at Columbine - where the shooters would ask students if they believed jesus was their saviour, and only shot those who said 'yes'.