A year in the life of a JW - Getting personal

by outbackaussie 7 Replies latest jw experiences

  • outbackaussie
    outbackaussie

    Well March and April passed, more witnessing, placing mags and going on calls. The odd whinge about being a teenager LOL I still had the major crush for Stuart. I was really starting to "bloom" and those hormones were rampant. I was "in love" with a new guy every other week. Of course, it was all in my mind, and totally fickle, but with each crush a little more of my heart was torn away by cruel comments from elders. It is hard to grow up a witness, especially in a one parent family. It is kind of assumed that by not having a "full-time father figure" I would be a slut or trollop, or as one delightful sister put it "quite the young Jezebel". Heck, I was a 16 year old girl. anyway, I will share a little exerpt from a lengthy entry to the diary in August 1988.

    "Amazing what can happen in a few months, where do I start? I'll start with Stuart, I was right, I didn't get him. He said I had a cold heart and that he didn't feel anything for me.It was about then that I met Andrew, a mechanical apprentice, next door to where Aileen works, he is 17.I like Andrew but I know I can't get involved, I hope I don't hurt him as I really care for him.I don't know how I will sort this mess out. I know I should pray for help but I'm too stubborn, proud, frightened, whatever? and I can't.

    ...Andrew rang up last night and we spoke for over an hour. I wonder how everything will work out?

    ...My poor Andrew, I am going to hurt you and there is no easy way out. We went for a drive to the lookout. I held his hand as we sat and looked out to the ocean. 'What am I going to do with you?' I asked. He just looked at me and we kissed. It was so nice, so special. I could have stayed forever. He put his arm around me, I could hear his heart beating, the same heart I am going to break. I cried and he kissed my tears away. I know everything is wrong but it feels so right. At the meeting today it was all about Satans snares and how easy it is to get trapped. Don't I know it! The only trouble is I'm not the only one caught in it, Andrew is the innocent party, I knew in advance the trouble but I kept going anyway. I prayed to Jehovah to help him get the Truth, even if we don't work out he deserves to have it.

    ...I know I am going to have to totally rely on Jehovah, I just wish I wouldn't make it so hard for myself. I spoke to Andrew this morning after resolving not to and after the circuit assembly on fearing Jehovah why don't I let it sink in? I called it off for the time being, so as long as I trust in Jehovah and do things his way noone gets hurt."

    Well, at 16 I fell in and out of "love" quickly. But it was the start of a bigger problem...feelings of worthlessness and failure. And all due to not meeting Jehovah's "standards". Andrew was my first worldly boyfriend and while it was brief (about 2 months) I was sure at the time it was true love. And because as all good witness girls know, you have to get married if you are in love, I had very unrealistic expectations of love/relationships/boys etc. The romance with Andrew faded very quickly when I turned my attention to a new brother in the congregation. Stay tuned...LOL or tune out if I have bored you to tears.

  • GermanXJW
    GermanXJW

    Today, teenage JW get pressured by WT videos like "How to find true frinds". I find this one very emotional and impressing on young people and it fits your story.

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    Outbackaussie, your story has great impact. You shared a bit of your heart. How would that story have played out if you didn't have the WTS recording inside your head? Probably the relationship would not have lasted either, I bet. I wonder if you would have felt less guilty about it?

  • snakecharmer
    snakecharmer

    hey outback aussie, that is the one thing that has stuck out the most for me about this site... many of the experiences and feelings that we believed ourselves to be the only one going through are quite universal for former jws. i know i personally have a difficult time relating to "normal" people on many occassions because my interactions are on a different level due to the sheltered enviroment in which i was raised. my wife has told me on several occassions that i can appear unfeeling about particular subjects even though i care deeply about them(ie... one that comes to mind was a miscarriage early in our marriage.) my ethical code is high but my moral code is a bit mercenary. i too allowed my heart to be broken many times by jw rules. i fought against any religion for the longest time and still have days when the concept troubles me. i had even declared myself to be god for several years at which point i was hell to live with i am sure. the funny thing is, the borg has taught us so well, if your feelings or ideas dont match theirs, then you are alone... Im here to tell you that is not true, alone my friend, is something you will never be. keep up the good work. your posts are helping others to realize they are not alone either even though i am sure some of these things must be difficult for you to bring forward.

  • outbackaussie
    outbackaussie

    Thanks for such encouragment and kind words.

    jgnat - I very much doubt it would have lasted, in reality , at that age I was more in love with being in love than having a real relationship. But that is what your teenage years are all about, learning the emotional and physical "ropes" of relationships. I think the guilt wasn't so much about breaking it off either, than having "failed" Jehovah etc.

    snakecharmer - {hugs} it is a sad thing to lose a pregnancy, I am sure that was a very emotional time for you, I am sorry for your loss. I never tried out being God, that must have been quite an exciting period in your life LOL I share your sentiment that you don't need to be alone, this site can really help to form new friendships and strengthen a flagging resolve when things seems dark. These events in my life, while painful at the time, now are a source of "black humour" for me, I really only lament that I got baptised, such an unwise decision for one so young. We are certainly by no means alone though, and I cherish all my firends, both IRL and online, they are precious indeed

  • outbackaussie
    outbackaussie

    oops double post

    Edited by - outbackaussie on 1 December 2002 19:19:31

  • kelpie
    kelpie

    I think I had a crush on every single brother in our congregation!!

    The was only about 10 of them and at some stage or another... i "loved them all" and each and everyone one of them broke my heart!!

    oh well i have the best now

    kelps

  • wednesday
    wednesday

    There is an old song, in part it says"young love , true love, filled with deep emotion.." I loved reading your thoughts, reminded me of myself when i was young. "boy crazy" they said. But i felt i was deply in love with each crush. Your entries to your diary are so sweet and innocent.perhaps u will post some more. Soon spring will be in the air.

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