practices

by 4me 5 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

• 

  4me

  I have a younger sister I've recently gotten to know as an adult (she's 10 years my junior). I know that she was raised as a Witness however I'm not real clear on the practices/beliefs. I do know that she is currently living through a lot of turmoil. Because I don't pratice the faith, I'm not comfortable in exaclty what to say to her on hers. I do know that she says she was ousted because she has children out of wedlock, and her mother has not spoken to her partly becasue of these issues...is this true? Can someone please enlighten me?
• 

  LB

  Shunning is a tool that Witnesses use to keep control over their flock. So your friend is probably telling you the truth. Sex outside of marriage is enough to get you kicked out. Then your best friends and family will turn their back on your for you own good.

  Suicide rates among ex-jws and even current jws is very high. I'm sure she has plenty of emotional baggage. Most of us do.
• 

  Buster

  The shunning (disfellowshipping for those on the inside) is a major component of the control the JWs have over the rank and file. When they are shunning someone, whether someone that has left or whether it is someone that is trying earnestly to get back in, they think they are accomplishing one or both of two things: they are teaching the offender to straighten out, and they are keeping the congregation clean.

  This practice has the devastating effect of teaching JWs 'conditional' love. Yes, even a mother can can be unfluenced to shun here own daughter, a grandmother can be influenced to act as though her children and grandchildren do not even exist - and this can go on indefinitely. Its disgusting and it happens in every congregation every day.

  This site has a search feature. Use it and read about how this cult splits families in order to control adherents. Please let us know your reactions.

  And welcome 4.
• 

  twinkletoes

  Hello 4me and welcome to this forum ,

  I am sorry to hear that your sister is in a turmoil at present, I'm sure that you will find a lot of good advice on this board, and will be able to help her to make sense of things. Many that post here, have gone through similar experiences, and will be able to give support.

  I look forward to hearing from you again

  Twink
• 

  Elsewhere

  Yes, it is true, JW's do shun.

  In fact, I was raised in the faith and when I decided to leave the religion my entire family and all of my friends shunned me. I had to start my life all over.

  Why did I leave? Not because I was in trouble... i just didn't want to be a JW anymore.
• 

  Kingpawn

  4me,

  First, welcome.

  I do know that she says she was ousted because she has children out of wedlock,

  The sex itself isn't really the issue, as other posters have noted in the past. It's the most visible reason when pregnancy and childbirth occur. the real reason is attitude. The JW's would call it "repentance;" others would define it as "groveling" enough to earn reinstatement.

  As for what to say to her...OK, she's trusted some people too much, or made some bad decisions that got her into this spot--I don't know the circumstances. But their shunning her has the same negative effect that screaming at a child for fifteen minutes over a glass of spilled milk does...shame, hurt, a loss of self-confidence, etc. But the deed is done and now's too late to be yelling about it by others. And most of those wanting to do the yelling are doing it to put on "holier-than-thou" airs anyway.

  So, she has children outside wedlock. I'd tell her to love them and raise them to be good people. Curious about the world, wanting to learn, willing to help others, being honest, hard-working, diligent. Tolerant, knowing they will never learn it all. For her, don't wallow in shame or let people make her feel like scum. We all make mistakes. This isn't the end of the world for her. With support from others (not from her family unless she has a very rare breed for JW relatives) she can finish school (if needed), hold down a job, raise her family. It'll be tough but it's do-able.

  She's feeling alone, rejected, probably scared, bitter, and will need a lot of emotional support. You can be a big help to her in several areas. You might even tell her about this board. Here she'll find any number of people who can commiserate with her, uplift her, and give her the courage she'll need to face the worst they can throw at her. I'm not suggesting trying to convert her from the JW's to something else...the focus now should be on giving her any emotional help she needs.

  Actually I'm assuming she was ousted recently. If it's been a few years then she's probably dealt with many of these obstacles already. But some of the baggage may still be being carried around.

  And if you want reasons to get her out of the "faith" this site, and the links at the bottom, are chock-full of reasons why.

  Hope this helps.