hopefully it's brilliance and not arrogance

by La Capra 2 Replies latest jw friends

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  La Capra

  I am sitting here this somewhat eerie Monday Night. Whe have had some pretty wild storms this weekend and just plain bizarre weather today. I have poured myself a celabratory cocktail...a bourbon presbyterian (can ex JWs drink those?), trying to relax-but I am too excited.

  I just arrived home from my second midterm for law school...contracts. My first one was last Thursday night (that used to be Theocratic Ministry School and Service Meeting Night). That one was Criminal Law-and there was no post about that...But tonight was contracts. All weekend I was having trouble staying focused on studying for it, getting lost in concepts and having to ferret out the information all over again. I was getting very nervous and insecure. I did a practice essay from last years midterm and I totally sucked at it, missing about half the stuff I was supposed to find-as I discovered when I read a sample essay. I took a break then did another one within the same area of contracts, did markedly better, and so I stopped studying-right then and there, not wanting to have another demoralizing experience.

  This afternoon, prior to the exam, I reviewed the order of things in my outline, and the components of every subsection in my outline,but I didn't look at any sample tests. Then I went to school and took the midterm. There were two one-hour long essay questions. (and a small set of multi-guess). I couldn't believe my eyes when I read the first on and it was exactly (and I mean exactly=:O) like one I downloaded from some other law school's test bank. I had already practiced writing it and was aware of some of the more subtle issues within it. Armed with confidence, I could relax and enjoy the development of each issue I discussed and the way issue could be settled.

  When I got to the second question, I found I had more than enough time to do it justice as well. While there were things I wasn't sure of, because I was relaxed and enjoying myself, I could remember to do an organized analysis and believe I picked up on all the major issues I was supposed to and nailed some very minor ones most of classmates likely didn't even notice<img src='/forum/images/smilies/big.gif' align=middle>.

  For having stressed and obsessed about this all weekend >:( , I sincerely hope that I was brilliant tonight and it isn't just some ill-placed arrogance, or worse, good old-fashioned delusion. I guess, though the real purpose of this post is to celebrate my freedom to pursue more education and not feel guilty or sinful or wasteful about it. When I got my B.A. eleven years ago, I constantly rationalized it as a practical endeavor, becoming a teacher. Now that I am about 15 years out of the cult, I am choosing to go back to school for something I consider a luxury, and perhaps a folly. ..Not because I need a reliable career (I have that and it is boring the hell out of me) but because I want to do it for the fun of it....Tonight was fun.

  For all of you still conflicted about getting a higher education, dream just a little bigger, risk just a little more, because anyone who tries to get you to answer to them is not worth answering to. Go For It.

  Shoshana (future esq.)
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  vanilia

  hear hear! i didnt go to uni because i assumed armageddon was coming. i started university in 1999, and graduated this summer with a 2:1 in internet technology, and am now working as a software engineer, being paid better than i ever have and loving it as much as i knew i would. i think thats one of the worst things about jw's, you just waste your life waiting. i feel quite fortunate that i didnt waste my whole life, and am very sorry for those who have and regret it.
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  troucul

  good topic...interesting you used the term arrogance in the title. Ever since I started going to college that is one thing I've noticed, especially among the professors. Unfortuneately, it is a trait I cannot stand. Even my philosophy professor stated that as one acquires more knowledge, there is a certain amount of arrogance that comes with it. My french professor, even though I get along with her real well, has that trait. It's was kind of sad to walk into class on the first day only to hear my teachers brag about what degree they have, where they went to school, and for how long. As far as I'm concerned, how long a person goes to school doesn't make them a better person, maybe smarter, but not better.

  For all you people 'weeping and gnashing your teeth' about having not gone to college, be careful. Be wary of the person you might become. Arrogant, haughty, taking every chance to toot your own horn, I've met too many of these people during my studies. Not just the professors, either. While on my studies in France, I noticed a difference between the European students and the Americans. Europeans: intelligent, thoughtful, insightful, and best of all, not arrogant. Americans: thoughtless, careless, not thinking before they speak, attempting to control the conversation at every turn, loud, obnoxious, ignorant, and of course, arrogant. I was always under the impression that a university is the place where one is eager to learn new customs, cultures, ways of doing things, etc. I was mistaken. Instead, many students take their degree as a sign of deserving respect without earning it. Going to college does not make one a wise person. Many of us, simply by being bullied by the borg and coming out of it, are much wiser than some of these cretins.

  If you haven't been to college, don't beat yourself up over it too badly. There is a price to pay for everything. If you were to meet yourself after 4 or 5 years of college, you may not like whom you meet.

  JUST BRING IT